Thoughts on being "charismatic"

I go through phases. Sometimes I pull back from trying to listen to God. I think mostly I'm just selfish and I don't want to obey him. I start getting comfortable with my life, and I just sort of tune him out. It seems to work OK for awhile, but always I find myself bored and unsatisfied. A sense of distance from God gradually comes over me. It's a very vague sense; not like I'm in some great sin that would cause shame and humiliation if it were found out. It's more like I'm just existing with God. Like when I go for days on end without really sitting down with Anda to talk about our lives together.

I feel like I've been in a season of passive resistance to God. The last week or so, I've noticed a change. I'm listening again. Maybe it's the 60/60 experiment our church is doing where we set our watches to beep every 60 minutes for 60 days to remind us to be constantly turning to God. Maybe it's the book I'm reading about Jimmy Seibert and the crazy things he has done in his journey with God. Whatever it is, I like it.

It's pretty unstable to follow God. I can't be certain about very many things. He might tell me to do things that will endanger a friendship or my finances. He might lead me to say something offensive or culturally inappropriate. He might inconvenience me by sending on a task that wasn't a planned part of my schedule. The great thing, though, is that what isn't shaken up is made stronger. When the Israelites stood on the other side of the Red Sea, none of them doubted that God was real. We start doubting when we stop seeing him work, and we stop seeing him work (most of the time) when we stop responding to his specific words. But as we obey His specific words for us and see Him work through us, we know with certainty that this great God of the Bible is King of today, just as he was back then.

I was telling McKenna tonight that we don't have to choose between loving the written word of God and listening to his specific words to us. I have a super-high view of scripture. It is the true eternal spoken word of God, and it can never be changed or minimized. I also have a super-high view of hearing God's specific words to me. That's often how I know where to go and what to do moment by moment.

So call me a flaming charismatic. Last month that description may have bothered me a bit, but not tonight. Tonight I'm desperate for God. I want His presence, and not just his precepts.

Our family is reading through Exodus right now, and yesterday we read chapter 33. It shook me up. I saw my sin, and repented. The chapter picks up after the Israelites had built a gold cow and called it God. Understandably upset, God made a deal with them. I believe many if not most American Christians have taken God up on this deal. He said (basically) "I will send you into the promised land and give you all that I said I would. I will even send my angel with you. You can have all of it. The only catch is that I won't go with you."

I confess that I've taken God up on that deal. I've known that the path I was choosing was different than what God wanted, but I took it anyway believing that the end result would be worth it. I chose the blessing and set aside the Blesser.

We criticize the Israelites, but at least they were smart enough to see God's offer for what it was. My version of the Bible called it "dreadful news." They knew that even if they took over the whole earth without God, it was worthless. So Moses refused to go anywhere without God, and eventually talked God into coming along.

My resolve is to do the same. Won't you join me? Let's not take another step until we are certain that He is with us. Let's confess, repent, dig our heels in and say, "No, God! I won't move until you do.'' There aren't many times when God wants us to say no to Him, but when he offers to send us on a mission without Him no other answer will do.

(That's really the end of my post, but for those readers who are theologically flustered by my implication that we can be separated from God, let me assure you that I fully believe in the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit in every believer. I use the above description to relate the practical implications of ignoring God's voice. Clearly it is possible to be filled with God's Spirit and yet live in a way that practically denies His presence and authority to direct our lives. The end result of such a lifestyle is in many ways the same as if He were absent.)