15 years with this MAN!

Randy's 16th birthday. He got to take me on a date in his old pick-up truck, "Bessie", and we had a romantic picnic in the park before we went back to his house where a surprise party was awaiting him! I am LOVING the hair! Luke asked me why Dad's hair was so sweaty - I told him that was just all the mousse he put in it to look cool! :) I really had no explanation for mine! LOL!

A few weeks before we got married - we're at a club social.

I thought my sisters-in-law would appreciate this one! LOL! That tiny little girl is my sweet niece, Bailey, who is now a Sophomore in COLLEGE!! Lee Ann is pregnant with Connor in this pic (I think).

What a wedding! 500 guests and LOTS of pictures! It seems like AGES ago!

I wanted to say one thing to our parents. RB and I were recently talking about what a blessing it is that our parents taught us that you just don't even talk about divorce. I can honestly say that I never even considered it a possibility that my parents would divorce and Randy had the same experience. This has provided a rare and unusual security that I think we take for granted. In all our crud, we've never even mentioned or thought about divorce (maybe death, but not divorce! LOL). Thanks Mom, Dad, Dale and Rita. You continue to give us an indescribable gift!

What I LOVE about Randy Brown:

WARNING: This is going to be one of those really obnoxious posts about how wonderful my spouse is! To dispel the myth (which one of his buddies contends is true) that he is perfect, I will just say that he is NOT! He is a rotten sinner just like the rest of us and in GREAT need of the grace of Jesus! I used to think he was perfect and that actually was a bit unhealthy.... Anyway! Here are some of the things I love about him! He is my best friend and has been for a long time - 20 years, actually. I guess we had a few years apart in there, but he knows me really well. There's a lot of security in that. I love that he loves Jesus. I know that in every decision and in every thing he does, he is seeking Him. Therefore, I trust him. He has the gift of wisdom and walks in humility. He is gentle and yet direct with people - so good at speaking the truth in love. He is incredibly patient and has been especially patient with me. He married a very insecure and immature GIRL! I laugh a lot and ask him what in the WORLD he was thinking!! But his prayers and his stubborn words of life and his toughness with me have changed who I am. I can't imagine who I would have been or where I would have been if I hadn't married him - God is SO merciful and GOOD! One thing I've been extremely grateful for lately is his purity. I cried recently as I thanked him for battling to keep his mind and heart sexually pure for me. The depth of his integrity in this area is becoming more and more astounding to me as I realize what a RARE gift this is that he is giving me. He's been this way for as long as I've known him (age 15) and this part of him has not changed. I love that God uses him to lead many people. If you had asked him when he was 20 years old if God would have used him as a leader, I think he would have said no. He was introverted and insecure in so many ways and the Lord has changed all that. His confidence in leading our family (even when he may be a little "off" :)) gives me an incredible sense of security. I'm so grateful that I don't have to push him to lead. Our friends call him a "stubborn old fool". This so describes him. He stubbornly refuses to let anyone destroy his vision for the impossible. And he is resolute in his faith. Being a person who will quit at the drop of a hat, I deeply admire this quality in him (and he's starting to rub off on me!). I love that God is teaching us to laugh together more right now. After some pretty rough several months (years, for that matter) in our marriage, I can honestly say that our marriage is better now than it's ever been. I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else! Other things I love: his sense of humor, his poetry, his photographic memory, his laugh, his balding head, the way he loves our kids, his parenting, our shared love of books, his good looks, his need to live simply, his heart for the poor, the way he can remember things he memorized 20+ years ago, the way he rarely panics, his optimism, his passion, his servant heart, the way he works so hard, the way he loves to sleep (and how he can sleep through anything), the way he refuses to say anything bad about people and always looks for the best, his thoughtfulness, his humility in admitting when he is wrong, the way he stuck with this marriage when many men would've left, his faith that refuses to quit....There is SO much more I could say, but you may be ready to gag at this point! I'm sorry that all the rest of you ladies missed out on the most wonderful man on the planet!!!! I'm so thankful for you, Randy Brown! I knew when I was only 15 years old that you were a treasure! I'm deeply in awe of the God who let you stick around!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! MAY THE NEXT 15 YEARS GET EVEN BETTER!!!!!

"A New Species"

The first gift I opened from my husband on Christmas a.m. was a print of a butterfly sketch by an artist that RB found on the internet. Most people don't know the significance of the chlorinda butterfly and it's very long story, but I'll summarize it by saying that a few years ago God gave me a new name. Chlorinda is the name of a rare Australian butterfly and so the butterfly in general has become a symbol of new identity in Christ. The name of this sketch is "A New Species" and my husband wrote a poem to go with it. It made me cry. I'll write more about his incredible man later today (because it's our 15th anniversary!!), but for now I'll just let you read his poetry. The artist actually read it and wants to include it with her sketch!

A New Species

There is in man a strong desire to name a thing unknown;
To wrap his mind around the infinite, and say, “My own.”
But there are creatures in this world who simply can’t be named.
No title fits. No words describe. Their spirits can’t be tamed.

N ‘er Latin nor another tongue can give my love her due;
The species which she represents is altogether new.
With rainbow sounds and colors loud she sings a song divine;
I dance in ecstasy and praise her Maker’s sweet design.

Emerging from her chrysalis she bursts with life anew,
A mystery of grace and beauty rivaled by but few,
Her glory blinds my eyes; my feeble tongue must beg for words.
Her crystal eyes, they sparkle like a million Waterfords.

I’m filled with longing to describe so beautiful a thing,
No artist’s palate can create the colors of your wing.
No orator can tell the story of your perfect form;
So delicate, yet dangerous. A living lightening storm.

Such power, cased in loveliness; anomalous and rare.
It’s my delight. Obessed. Compelled. And fixated, I stare.
Chlorinda? Yes, but even more. This species is divine.
Exquisite. Stunning. Glorious. And altogether mine.

A 15th Anniversary Haiku

Fifteen years of love.

My bride, my love, my treasure,

Still a rising sun.



Haikus have a way of distilling lots of information into very few words. I can't help but add a few words to expound upon this one. Allow me to be a bit more expressive than normal, if you will.

Yes, my beloved is just beginning her day of brilliance. The sunrise she is at present, so gentle to your eyes, is steadily rising and will soon be painfully glorious. No eye will be able to take it in, except in furtive glances. Her current state a mere hint of what's to come. Her glowing orange, reflecting pinks and blues will soon be fully exposed, bringing heat and light and a tranforming energy that affects everything around her. She is beautiful, yes, but even after 15 years of love she is like a tender shoot, whose flowers have not yet begun to bud. Take a good look at her now, enjoy her contagious goodness, knowing it is just a hint of what's to come.



I can't tell you how glad I am that God gave Anda to me as my wife. I didn't deserve her, and honestly I wasn't even smart enough to know how much I needed her. I thought I was fully self sufficient. Fifteen years of life together has taught me how wrong I was. At times I like to envision what my life would have been like if I had been able to follow though with my noble plan of life-long singleness. I think I would have been a disaster. She has brought me six wonderful children I never could have known without her. She has guarded my back with loving faithfulness, protecting and defending me from unknown dangers as my eyes have tended to focus only on what is immediately before me. She has given herself fully to me as my lover. I know more of the heart of God because of her love. She's smart and humble, gently steering me away from really stupid decisions, and softly planting wisdom in my heart. She's my best friend, and I love spending time with her. I would be very lonely without her.

I don't know what we'll be doing on our 30th anniversary, but I pray for that day to be like this one, filled with a joy which cannot be expressed, and a hope that feels like celebration even as it anticipates the future.

Mighty Men Christmas Dinner

Okay. So we planned this dinner for the MM. We only wanted it to be them and mentors - a really intimate occasion in which they could all sit down together and share a meal. WHAT WAS I THINKING??!! I cooked all day - enchiladas, chicken tortilla soup, beans, dessert, hot wassail.... My kids, my friend's kids, and 9 MM= CHAOS!! Especially in my 8x4 kitchen!? LOL! Buffets don't go so well in this small of a space. My sweet children were a bit stressed out and had to eat on a quilt in the playroom. Before the p.m. was over, Randy was in one of our precious MM's faces telling him to sit down or get out - surprisingly, he stayed! Another guy was announcing to everyone that he had gotten "jumped" into a gang that week. Hmmm. I just can't see this scene in a dreamy family Christmas movie! LOL! Randy just collasped on the floor, exhausted, as soon as the last one walked out the door. I told my husband that night that I think I need to host an event with less than 10 children soon so that I can remember what it's like to eat and TALK with other adults at my house! Hopefully, they were blessed! We probably won't be doing that again for at least another year!
Byron looking cool.

It was Alphonzo's birthday so he got to cut the cake.

Samadge - what's up with the earrings?!

the table before it was attacked! By the way, the perspective of this pic makes this little dining area look much bigger than it actually is!

Our week

Our first possibly broken bone. Truly amazing with six children! Josiah took a flying leap off our front porch steps after slipping on the ice on Tuesday a.m. before school. They'll do x-rays again on Tuesday before we leave town because it was difficult to tell if his elbow was fractured or not. If it is, he'll get a cast. Otherwise, he gets to take off this splint and he is READY! Unfortunately, this took him out of his last football game. Can't throw a lot of touchdown passes with no right arm!

christmas

I guess I could've come up with a better title. Too much effort! Does anyone else (mothers) feel this weird pressure to create the perfect Christmas memories every year? I am an idealistic perfectionist and am therefore prone to be pessimistic. My beloved husband is a realist and yet is an optimist. We have often tried to figure out this mystery. I think being a realist is better - you don't get let down as easily. ANYWAY! I have no idea what I'm rambling about - I'm actually sitting here on a Sunday afternoon with a mere eleven children in my house...feeling peaceful! THERE IS A GOD! But back to the creation of perfect memories. On Friday, the kids were finally out of school and we decided to have a family Christmas fun day! We began by having a family gift exchange with gifts that we found around the house. That was fun - really it was. Then we decided to go hang out at the Botanic Gardens and have a picnic. This was probably the highlight of our day (who has a picnic on Dec 19th - only in Texas). So far, so good. We were actually enjoying one another's company and the reality of the perfect family day seemed within my grasp. But alas, things began to go downhill when we returned home. My eldest daughter became moody due to the fact that her younger siblings just got on her last nerve - she was ready to quit her job of being the big sister. Bickering among everyone. This can really kill the perfect family fun Christmas day. We just never recovered the mood. We ate homemade chicken nuggets and mac & cheese, watched Frosty the Snowman, and ate popcorn and drank wassail. Still very little contentment. Sigh.... But I have been determined to enjoy Jesus this week, darn it! :) So my husband and I were on a short date last night and we're discussing some issues we're having with a couple of our kids. I suggest that we should be praying TOGETHER about this stuff and he just says "I hate praying with you." This was a startling and disappointing announcement. LOL! But so good. Revelation is good, right? He further explained that he always feels like he is disappointing me by not leading us in the way I think he should. Maybe there has actually been some truth to this in the past so he was justified in his declaration. Anyway, we went home and prayed for about 25 minutes TOGETHER (and we both enjoyed it). And then we prayed together again this a.m. And guess what? This has been the best Sunday we've had in a long time. I didn't dread cell today and it felt less chaotic. Even with my snotty-nosed three-year-old and 10-month-old crawling all over me during church, I felt happy. And now with three extra kids here, I'm still happy. Jesus is really kind. And as my kids are decorating sugar cookies and wrapping presents (while I sit here relaxing and blogging :)), I am experiencing one of those moments that would've failed if I had tried to create it! Life by the Spirit is a lot easier than life by my flesh. Hmmm....you'd think I would have learned this by now. May those of you reading this be over-the-top content in Jesus this week! Here are some pics from the week...

I really like this one - I'm calling it "worshipping turtles"!


Inside a giant tree trunk!

the family gift exchange game - lots of interesting treasures.

Ol' Red

I've named my plunger. I don't know when we first got him, but he's been with us most of 15 years I'm sure. I didn't feel the need to name him until recently, but we've become pretty close lately. Once relegated to the garage, he now enjoys a special spot right outside the back door, kept warm on those cool evenings by the dryer vent. I keep him there because I got tired of walking to the garage every other night when the toilet stopped up. Maybe it's only 2-3 times per week, but it's still way too often for a toilet to stop up.
Call a plumber, you say? Oh, I have. I've called several. I keep the names of 4-5 plumbers in my cell phone. But most of the time Ol' Red does the trick for me. Just a few plunges and the clogs usually vanish--for a day or two.
Once I took the toilet out and looked to see what the problem was. On this family blog I feel it would be inappropriate to describe what I found, but after cleaning it out and putting the toilet back in place, I was hopeful that the problem was solved. Alas, it was not to be. I bought a 25 foot toilet snake thing that you hook to the end of a drill. I only used it once. Now I just go to the back porch, pick up Ol' Red and get the job done.
In fact, I've even trained Josiah to use Ol' Red. He is able to clear all but the most stubborn of clogs, though lately I've noticed he always seems to be busy with his homework when I call for his help.
Well, that's probably more than you wanted to know about our family life today.
Merry Christmas.

Misc pics from the past few weeks

Luke playing the Wii with some neighbors!

My kids and their photos

McKenna and Luke took lots of pic on my camera the other day - here are some of my favorites. They're turning into pretty good little photographers!

If only he would always feel that way about kissing girls...

Josiah and football!

Watching this boy play football is LOTS of fun! He's had lots of practice with the Mighty Men so he's learned a lot in the past several months and it shows! He has scored at least one touchdown in every game except one. Yesterday he had an interception and also got to play quarterback. He is FAST (and I like to take credit for that since, after all, my track nickname in junior high was "fast white girl." Please, no laughing....)

That's his coach in the background - he used to play for TCU and is a really great encourager, etc.

Angel Tree Party

Christ Fellowship hosted an Angel Tree party today at our church offices. Angel Tree is an organization in which you choose a family and buy Christmas gifts for their kids for and give them on behalf of their incarcerated parent. We had food, activities, and my sweet husband organized a Christmas pageant (using the official "Dale Brown family script") using the kids that came to the party. Trisha, you would have been proud. (Actually, I was making fun of him and calling him "Trisha" last p.m. because he was making the costumes a little more elaborate than I would have :)!). The party went well and it was fun hanging out with all of these special people!

Prayers of repentance

Deow Gawd,
Thank you fow this day and please help me not to stick a tack in my bwothew's shoulder anymore. In Jesus' name, AMEN.
Isaac

Deow Gawd,
Thank you fow this day and please help me not to hit my bwothew in the back with a wight sabew (light saber). In Jesus' name, AMEN.
Isaac

moriah quote

There have been many memorable Moriah quotes, but I really enjoyed this one today. We were in the middle of yet another battle about getting dressed (it only lasted about 45 minutes) and somewhere in the middle of it she says "If I had a dandelion, I'd wish that you weren't my mother." It still makes me laugh out loud to even read it. Those are some fightin' words right there! Love that girl. I think I'll take some pics of her tomorrow and post them - she's so fun to photograph and it helps to look at cute pictures! Ha!

weakness

"My power is made perfect in weakness"....well....His perfection should be off the charts in my house tonight.
To be honest, I'm pretty discouraged. Pretty disappointed with the weakness of my character. So I've been without my children for the past 3 days. I really cleaned my bathroom for the first time in months. My living room floor was actually visible; I dusted AND vacuumed. I finished decorating for Christmas and everything stayed where I put it. I actually went a whole day without running the dishwasher - and the laundry was all washed and folded. Malachi slept all night long the past few nights and no one else woke me up, so I felt well-rested. My times with Jesus were longer and more peaceful in the mornings. I didn't yell at anyone. I didn't spend one drop of energy spanking or training anyone. I only had to respond to ONE little person's demands at a time. I went to dinner with my husband and my baby last p.m. - we ate peacefully and had MORE uninterrupted conversation. There was no "whine" with our dinner. My brain and my spirit actually found oxygen and I was beginning to feel like anything was possible; I couldn't wait to see my babies again....And here I am, just hours later, sitting in my ravaged living room (and I do mean ravaged) covered in mountains of unfinished homework, dirty dishes decorating the kitchen, feeling like a completely different woman. I literally felt like a different person living a different life just a few hours ago. WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THIS SAY ABOUT ME??!! My yelling and spanking "fast" is over. I'm exhausted again. And the demands of six little blessings feel like too much weight to bear - I just can't respond to 4-6 clamoring voices all at once. I cannot help three people with their homework simultaneously. I cannot read a bedtime story to Moriah AND listen to Luke read to me at the same time. (Randy is gone tonight, so things probably seem esp. overwhelming - but honestly, they still did when he was here this afternoon). I don't really feel like smiling right now. I want my freedom back, darn it.
This is not really a blog about how horrible my children are (because they're not at all) and really not even some self-condemnation rampage. (And I realize that none of this is a big deal - I have a GREAT life). I am just astounded at the depth of my selfishness!! And I am struck by the sweet mercy of God in giving me so many people in my home to aid in the destruction of this nasty flesh! It is just frightening to me that I was such a nice person for a few days - ha! :) The Lord has been digging out deep roots of discontentment (is that a word?) and pride for the past several weeks. I am humbled once again tonight. He is my ONLY source of power and my only hope for contentment in ALL circumstances. His grace is HUGE! I fall on Jesus again tonight. It's a good thing my kids came home - I might have started thinking that I could handle life without Him if they had stayed away much longer....ha,ha,ha.
"O my Strength, I watch for you; you, O God, are my fortress,my loving God....But I will sing of Your strength, in the morning I will sing of Your love; for You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. O my Strength, I sing praise to You; You, O God, are my fortress, my loving God." Psalm 59:9, 16-17 (okay, David was being stalked by murderers when he penned these words, but they still encourage me! :))

the sweetness of God

My very nice in-laws took 5 of our six kids home with them today and so Randy, Malachi, and I are hanging out in our VERY quiet house! These kind of things are great when they're planned, but I think they are just DELIGHTFUL when they just spontaneously happen! I'm sure they're having a wonderful time with Grandma and Grandpa - we'll stress about make-up work from school later! :)

Tonight I was thinking about the faithfulness of God as I finished decorating for Christmas. (I'll just warn you, this is probably going to be a bit "cheesy" - I'm feeling sentimental and thankful.) The kids decorated the tree the night before we left for Thanksgiving - it's one of their favorite parts of Christmas and is becoming one of mine because it is full of remembering. About 3-4 years ago we had nothing on our tree that wasn't specifically about Jesus so we have some cool ornaments that lead to discussion about Him (like our loaf of bread ornament reminding us that He is the bread of life, etc.). And then we have lots of homemade ornaments that the kids made in preschool. We even have a few that were mine growing up - we actually have a salt dough ornament that I received in 1981 in second grade that finally broke in two this year (I'm going to try to glue it back together). But I cried tonight as I examined the two ornaments that are pictured in this blog. My sweet mom gives us a family ornament every year with the names of our family members on it and this year she had to actually "tie" two together in order to fit everyone! Ha! That's the one on the right. The one on the left is the back of a teddy bear ornament that Randy gave me in 1988, which was our first Christmas together when we were high school sweethearts. He told me he loved me for the first time that year (and his mom wrote it on the back of the ornament - otherwise, no one could have read it :)). Anyway, I was just overwhelmed by the goodness and faithfulness of God while looking at this 20-year-old ornament next to the one my mother gave me a few days ago. We've walked through a LOT in the last 20 years and I wouldn't trade one moment. I won't go on about my husband right now - I'll save it for our 15 year anniversary in 30 days - but let's just say that I am more convinced than ever that I am married to the most wonderful man on the planet!

I've been reading Psalm 89 a lot in the past week. Here are verses 1-2, 5-6, 8: "I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make Your faithfulness known through all generations. I will declare that Your love stands firm forever, that You established Your faithfulness in heaven itself....The heavens praise your wonders, O Lord, your faithfulness too, in the assembly of the holy ones. For who in the skies above can compare with the Lord? Who is like the Lord among the heavenly beings?...O Lord God Almighty, who is like You? You are mighty, O Lord, and Your faithfulness surrounds You."

He is weaving together stories everywhere - all for His glory. I was struck again by this faithfulness when we heard Byron's story this weekend (he and his brother, Royce, went home with us for Thanksgiving) about his escape in hurricane Katrina. Royce, Byron, their aunt (who couldn't swim), and their mom had to swim the equivalent of several blocks to the second floor of a church (Royce was 12 and Byron was 10 years old at the time). Their mom was a former life guard and so she had recently taught Byron to swim, praise the Lord! Their mom, Tarita, swam that whole way with her sister on her back. Everyone had minor injuries from hitting fences, etc. while swimming that they couldn't see because the water had already covered them. They spent one night in that empty church and then were rescued by the police because someone nearby shot a flare gun. They could hear the cries of others pleading for help and there was nothing they could do. They were taken to the Superdome where they spent 5 days (I think). Byron saw children raped and who knows what else. In fact, one of his friends was almost a victim, but the boy's mother fought off the attacker while a military guy with a gun stood by doing nothing. They were taken on a bus to Mesquite, TX and then to Fort Worth. Tarita ended up getting a job at the Como Community Center and that is where she heard about Opportunity Camp. Byron went to our first camp, was chosen as a Mighty Man, and is now a follower of Jesus and the best leader we've got! We love both these boys (and Tarita who is now also a Jesus-lover!). God in His sovereignty is ALL over this story and millions of others like it. I LOVE how He works things out for His glory! These words sound so WEAK to describe what I'm talking about. It's actually bigger than I can put my mind around - maybe I'll be feeling more eloquent later, but all I can say now is that my Daddy is a GOOD KING and He is 100% trustworthy!

more later,

Anda (accidentally signed in under Randy)

On a Lighter Note

My last blog was a little heavy, so this one should balance it out a bit. I've been thinking a lot about being thankful lately. I'm certainly thankful for the things that we all think about: Jesus, the Bible, my family, and thousands of other major blessings.
I thought it might be fun to think of a few more obscure things I'm thankful for. So here's a list. Feel free to add to it.
1. Socks. I love the feel of a clean pair of socks on my feet early in the morning.
2. My uvula. It keeps me from choking every time I drink my milk.
3. And since we're thinking about nasopharyngeal body parts, I think we need to give a big shout out for vibrissae. (For you non-medical people, that's nose hairs.) They are highly underestimated. I mean think of all the bugs you would have snorted had it not been for these protective little gems.
4. Anda says she's thankful for nursing bras, eyelashes, and our microwave.
5. She's also thankful for the vultures that eat all the dead animals in our neighborhood. Actually she says she feels thankful for the entire decomposition process in general.
6. I'm also thankful for wipeys. You know there was a day when people had to use something else to wipe little baby bottoms. I wonder what they used.
7. Lastly, I'm thankful for Dr. Smith's diaper rash cream. I'm sure the little guys appreciate it, but if you will allow me to be somewhat transparent, I have found that every now and then it's soothing comfort makes my day a little brighter.
Well, Happy Thanksgiving.
Randy

Why I haven't blogged in a month

It's not that I've been overly busy, I just haven't had anything profound to say. Now after a month, I'm finally breaking the silence. So what profound, deep thought have I thought that is worthy of blogging? Well, let me think, I'm sure I'll come up with something. . .

OK. Here's a try:

Lamentations 4. Have you read that chapter lately? I encourage you to open up your Bible and just glance through the descriptions of what a fallen nation looks like. Here's a sampling. . . "Those who once feasted on delicacies perish in the streets. Those who were brought up in purple embrace ash heaps." "Her princes were purer than snow. . .now their face is blacker than soot; they are not recognized in the streets; their skin has shriveled on their bones." "The hands of compassionate women have boiled their children; they became their food. . ."

As I read these verses earlier this week I let my mind go a bit, and wondered what God has in store for our nation. From our nation's beginnings, where faith in God was assumed, we have come a long way. I don't know where the slide will end, but I pray that we don't get to where Israel was when these verses were written.

So what keeps us from it? Is it our economy? :) Is it our educational system? :) Maybe our strong morality? :)

The truth is, the only obstacle between our nation and the horrors described in Lamentations is the church. When I say the church, I mean the people who love and follow Jesus. We are the ones holding back calamity like an army of little boys with our fingers in a leaky dike. But if all we do is plug the dike, we will lose the battle. Someone has to start rebuilding what is broken. Either we see God's kingdom advance, or our nation falls into utter collapse. Revival is the only option.

So I challenge you to hear the words of Jesus, "Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers." Are you working? Are you diligently, passionately seeking Jesus and living to advance his purposes on the earth, or are you distracted? I meet people, almost daily who are desperate for hope. My neighbor has cancer in his 40s. My friend hates her husband and wants to leave him. Another friend loves her spouse but hopes against hope that he will wake up. My pastor friend just got tired of being married and left. My other friend is addicted to alcohol. Today I told my Buddhist friend about Jesus, but he didn't care. I could go on, but I'm sure you could insert your own list also.

I know I can't save the world, but Jesus can. I've started telling people about Him again. I'm less afraid than I used to be to go up to strangers and just flat out share the gospel. I was timid before, thinking I wanted to be appropriate and leave a good impression. I'm noticing that I can't give most people a worse impression than they already have.

If you love Jesus, you are weird. You aren't like the people living in your city, or even your neighborhood. And when the day comes when we find our mothers boiling their babies for food, I pray that you will be able to say, "I tried. I prayed for revival. I loved my neighbor. I followed the King to the highways and byways to bring in the lost. I didn't hide my light under a bushel."

That may sound melodramatic. Maybe it is. But I have come to believe that revival is not just a neat idea. It wouldn't just be cool if people got saved so I could have neat stories to tell. The truth is that if we don't have revival, it won't be long before we cannot bear to look at the scene outside our windows. And those of us who are paying attention are already starting to cringe at the scene we see now. So embrace the only option we have left and go for Revival or Bust! As for me and my family, we're not seeing it yet, but we're praying for strength to fight the fight of faith until our Master takes us out of the battle.

so what kind of mom AM i?

So today McKenna and I are in Target and I'm looking at the clearance rack for some kind of warm shoes I can just slip on and off. I find this $5 pair that I think look semi-cool, and hey, they're only $5. I put them on and ask her what she thinks (this was my first mistake). She says, "They just don't really look like you, Mom; those look like they would be for a sporty woman."
Thanks. Next time I think I'll leave her HOME when I go shopping. LOL!

christmas

my friend, Rachel, had this link on her blog. i like it. must confess that i've been dreading christmas this year because of all the lists and meaningless stress that comes with it every year. we're really asking what it really looks like to celebrate Jesus' birthday....not totally sure yet, but i like this little video! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

hospitality and community - part 2

Here is the story from Karen Main's book. It is found in "Chapter 11, The Finest House in Town". It's an allegory about the Church...and just a little bit convicting. I wept when I first read it. With the holidays approaching, I will not be able to get these images out of my head. Lord, let the poor and the lonely and the hungry be in our homes and in our churches. We have been blessed to be a blessing. Anyway, here's the story:

The great house was the most beautiful in town -- not that it was so grand, but that it was so lovely. Its sturdy foundation supported thick walls and expansive porches with turrets and buttresses tiptoeing skyward. Not one room was unfunctional, but each had been designed for a specific purpose. Each brick and each tile of the roof was perfectly constructed, and the house's lathing and arch were cunningly crafted. Truly a Master Builder had been at work there.
Apart from the mortar and brick, the tile and stone, there was an unusual atmosphere surrounding the house, and excitement that said this was a household unlike any other. By night the windows shimmered with light and by day, when the lanterns inside were dimmed, it seemed as though the lights were still shining. The people who lived in the house were also special. They shared and demonstrated such loving concern for each other, such caring. If one stood by the great gate, music and laughter could be heard coming from inside. And because it was a real house, an angry word might ever so often pierce the atmospere, but never haranguing or violent ranting.
Even the life growing outside, the shrubbery and flowering bushes, the bending trees, the budding plants seemed lovelier than the gardens in town, more content to be about the business of growing. The same storms beat upon these grasses and plants, the same winds blew and tore, the same harsh summer sun burned as on the other gardens in the town, but any damage was cleverly turned to advantage by the gardener, who did his pruning with a careful knife and a firm but gentle hand.
Evalyn All was not from such a fine house. She lived in one of the shanties that crowded on top of one another in some forgotten backwater. A small wood-burning stove heated the hut in winter -- if there was wood -- and water was drawn from the brackish stream outside, the sewage disposal for the towns and factories upriver. Evalyn lived with her older sister and three younger brothers and a mother who disappeared for days, then reappeared without warning.
In her yearnings for a better life, Evalyn All would go and watch the fabric of life woven daily around the great house. She would hide behind a bush near the gate and watch and watch, her big eyes observing even the tiniest details. She noted that the clothes of the people were always clean. In summer they dressed in white. The piques and dotted swisses of the little girls shone brightly in the sunshine and Evalyn wondered, How do they keep their things so clean?
One day a small boy fell on the gravel. From her hiding place, Evalyn saw the gardener turn, gently wipe away tears, prepare an herbal salve, then bind the bloodied knee. She turned her back to the fence. The longing beating in her soul was too much to bear.
As the seasons changed, the foliage on the hiding bush fell to the ground. Suddenly Evalyn All discovered that she could be seen by the occupants of the great house and that none of them seemed to mind her presence. When one man smiled cordially and nodded his head in greeting, she took heart and walked to the very gate itself. Since there was no necessity to hide, she mustered enough boldness to walk completely around the iron fence.
The kitchen was in the rear, and if Evalyn All stood by the fence there she could smell bread baking, its yeasty aroma saturating the air. It filled her nose and lungs and triggered a hungry ache in her empty stomach.
A marvelous fountain bubbled beside the back door, and she was to discover that even in the coldest of winter it flowed, and frost scarcely iced its edges. Evalyn imagined how wonderful such clear and sparkling water would taste on the tongue, how it would roll over the palate, how its freshness might linger even after being swallowed.
As the days grew colder, the people in the house exchanged their summer whites for garments of scarlet, warm flowing robes that protected them from winter chills. Evalyn All shivered through her daily pilgrimages. If she could just have one small taste of that fresh bread!
For days, Evalyn All was ill. She burned with fever and often cried out something her brothers and sister couldn't understand, "Please, please let me come in! I'll be so careful. Please let me come in." It was several weeks before she was strong enough to return to the gate by the great house, the finest one in town. She slipped out at night, while her sister was sleeping.
She had never seen the house so beautiful. a fresh snow frosted the windows and eaves and spread a blanketed shimmer over the garden. The lights of the house shone and glistened in reflection on the winter white. Fires crackled in the fireplaces. The massive front doors were flung wide, and men and women walked to and fro, their warm scarlet cloaks protecting them from the cold air. Evidently the house had been prepared for a great celebration. Evalyn could see garlands festooning the receiving rooms and bright flags lining the driveway, where highly polished carriages traversed, unloading their elegantly attired owners.
Suddenly light-headed, she sank down on a stone and rested her forehead in her hands. The lights in the house blurred and she felt weak.
"Y'll be all right," said a voice. Startled, Evalyn All looked into the face of an old man, gnarled and misshapen. "Felt the same way myself, lotsa times. Cold and hungry and too tired t' feel a blasted --" He stopped angrily in midsentence.
"Do you live--?" Evalyn All started, but before the question was finished she knew it was impossible. The man wore clothes like hers, old and dirty.
"O nuh," came the answer before she could finish. "Nuh, nuh, nuh. There was a time when I hoped..." He sighed. "But I'm past hoping. Got useta and like the way I live. Y'gotta have an invitation, y'know." Evalyn's heart sank, because she'd been hoping too.
"Yessir...gotta getcha an in-vi-ta-tion. Them's the rules." They sat in silence, the melody from the house floating around them, creating longing for dancing, for joy. "Yup, useta come here every day when I'se a little guy. Useta watch and wait and hope somebody'd say, 'Whydoncha come in?" But it never happened. Don't come anymore, don't even wanna see the place 'cept once in a while, like tonight, for the celebration. But them, the wretches, they haven't lost hope."
"Them?" said Evalyn All. "Who do you mean?"
"Why, them!" shouted the old man. "Them, them, them!" He threw his hand toward the shadows and shades of the darkness. Evalyn peered, her eyes squinting, but she could see nothing in the night. "Come on! I'll show them to ya," he cried and impatiently grabbed her arm, dragging her after him.
Evalyn All stumbled in the blackness. The old man was rough, not careful to protect her as they rushed to the back of the house. The smell of baking bread began to reach her, her knees buckled, but her companion was relentless in his pursuit. "Them! Them!" he screamed and pointed. "Them's the ones that's hungry!" Suddenly Evalyn All could see. Standing by the iron fence was a group of people, emaciated, starving skin barely stretching over bone. They drooled at the mouth and sniffed at the air as though smelling enough would fill the hollows inside.
The old man grabbed her arm again and they stumbled to another place in the fence. "Them! Them! Them what's sad!" Evalyn All could see. Hanging on the fence were people with tears streaming down their cheeks. They pushed and shoved trying to get closer to hear the music, which seemed to be clearer on this side of the house, like a bell. Oh, how it lifted the heart! If only she could hear it better -- but the old man had again clutched at her.
"Them! Them!" he chortled, a shriek rising in his throat. "Look and laugh!" Evalyn All looked. Every inch of the fence was crowded with people. She had never seen anything so mournful in all her life. Nearby a small boy pressed his face between the bars of the iron gate, his tiny fists gripping tightly. "What's your name?" asked Evalyn All, but there was no reply. The boy turned his face to ther and, in the glow from the house, she could see that he was blind. "Got no tongue neither," came the grave voice of her guide. "Been mistreated. Happens all the time."
"Fools!" the old man spat out. His voice narrowed and he whined, "Waiting for an invitation, they are. Never gonna get one." The narrowness of his voice flattened, widening into indisputable hatred. "Not supposed to be this way. Supposed to invite us in. Supposed to come find us."
"Who?" asked Evalyn All, numbed by her revelation of misery.
"Those what's in the house, but they don't even know we're here."
Evalyn shuddered. How could they not see--how could she not see?
"Jest too busy in their own house to look. WHYDONCHA LOOK!!" he screamed. "Whydoncha look...whydoncha?"
Remembering Evalyn All, he took her hand again and pushed her closer to the iron fence. "Over there. Can you read?" and he pointed to the cornerstone. She shook her head; she had never learned. "Maybe it's jest as well," said the wizened guide. "Got the founder's name chiseled in the stone. Celebratin' for him tonight."
Evalyn All looked at the people standing in the dark shadows of the night. Their faces were turned toward the light. Their silence was overwhelming. She heard a baby cry. "Abandoned," mumbled the old man to himself. "Yup, it happens sometimes."
Evalyn turned her back and walked away from the light and the music and the aroma of fresh, warm, yeasty bread. She turned from the crackling fireplaces and the bubbling fountain and the laughter and the scarlet garments and went back home, back home, back to the shack by the river. It was many, many years before Evalyn All walked again past the gate of the great house, the finest house in town. When she did, she didn't even turn her head.

God have mercy on us. The cool thing is this: we get the good stuff when we open the door and invite people in. He is offering unspeakable joy to us when we include them in our party!
"Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear [I've personally experienced this!]; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I." Isaiah 58:6-9 (There are more abundant promises in the rest of the chapter, but I'm tired of typing! :)) Time to go to bed.

hospitality and community - part 1 (ha!)

Let's start with a little comic relief - my oh-so-creative eldest children experimenting with their faces. :) They really got a kick out of this and wanted me to take their pics so that I could put them on the blog.

Okay, I'm pretty "worked up" right now and I'm praying that I will write with grace AND truth. There is just this thing in me that has been brewing for several weeks now concerning the poor, and hospitality, and community....But while I know that I'm beginning to see justice (and then, only the tip of the iceberg), I also know that without love it is NOTHING! I guess I'm in the middle of wrestling through what true hospitality is and what biblical community really looks like. So just recognize that this is my wrestling - and I'm sort of "thinking out loud."

I'll start with this cool journal entry that I found last week as Randy and I were preparing to speak at Christ Fellowship's training school. We were trying to piece together the story that God has been putting together over the past 10 years and were remembering how much I used to despise Como! :) At one point (October 4, 2003, to be exact), I started this "poor" journal to record my journey of learning about/loving the poor. I think I only wrote about 4 pages in it - ha! But it was encouraging to see that even when we offer up weak, desperate prayers with the smallest (often not visible) seed of faith, God is FAITHFUL! Here is what I wrote (I didn't remember this at all):

"This is my 'poor' journal. I am on a search into the heart of God so that I can see what He sees, feel what He feels, and be overwhelmed by the love of Christ for the poor. I don't have God's heart right now, and the thought of having a broken heart for the poor, lost, and dying seems quite impossible. But God wants us to have His fullness. May He open my eyes and the eyes of other believers who aren't 'seeing' yet.

So if I lay it all out there, what are my feelings today about my husband's passion for the poor? What are my feelings/views of the poor?

I feel very little and what I do feel is usually negative. It seems hopeless. A lot of them say they know God or are Christians or whatever, but I see no evidence of that.

When Randy talks about Como or I hear anyone else talking about it, a very negative, yucky thing rises up in me. I do not feel like we've 'connected' in Como. Maybe a little, but I can think of a million other things I'd rather do than go hang out with those people. Randy can think of nothing he'd rather do more.

So because I believe that God put RB and I together for a reason - we are ONE and it's not an accident - and because I believe that God has placed a love and burden for the poor in RB, I cannot help but believe that He has to break down this wall between us and give me passion for the poor.

Like any conviction, it cannot and will not be brought into reality through guilt. That would be a joyless burden. It has to be revelation from God and my heart must be brought under His LORDSHIP in this area. Joy, passion, unity, vision, and peace will be birthed through this revelation."

Okay, so through a LOT of breaking and in the sweet mercy of God, He has brought Randy and I together. I think what I'm beginning to see and experience right now is the justice part of seeing the poor. The next place I believe the Lord is taking me is into love. But for now, I'll write about justice.

I'm about to finish a women's Bible study that has, like any Bible study, had strengths and weaknesses. It's HUGE strength is its focus on REALLY loving and serving our husbands. I'm so thankful for the many ways I've been challenged and changed in this area. But here is what's beginning to dawn on me - can the gospel really be the gospel if we leave out the poor? For years, my sweet husband has been telling me that it's not a peripheral issue - it is central to everything that Jesus taught and still is. I think maybe he is right. As I've been in this Bible study, which covered many topics including home management, loving your children, hospitality, etc., I realized that I couldn't hear much of what these women on the videos were saying because the poor were excluded. For instance, this week one of our memory verses was Proverbs 31:20: "She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." In the American church we have either ignored this verse or made it comfortable for us. In this week's study, it was basically interpreted as a call to help people in our circles who are hurting in some way. i really just think it means what it says - open our arms and touch the poor. I noticed that the cross-reference in my Bible for this verse was Deuteronomy 15. This was a very interesting chapter to me because I saw that I guess God knew we were going to mess this up! In verse 4 He says "However, there should be no poor among you, for in the land the Lord your God is giving you to possess as your inheritance, He will richly bless you, if only you fully obey the Lord your God and are careful to follow all these commands I am giving you today." But then just a few verses later in v.7 He says "If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs....Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land."

So those last few words - God wasn't talking about the emotionally needy or rich sad people that show up to church on Sunday. He was actually talking about the poor. Am I saying that we ignore the rich sad people? Absolutely not! (I would hate to be ignored). But I am saying that we've got to stop rationalizing all the verses about the poor that are in the Word of God (and there are so many I cannot possibly type all of them!!) to make ourselves feel better about ignoring them. (i hope you know that i can write about this because i'm so experienced in it - i'm guilty, guilty, guilty! - praise God for His grace)! Jesus also talked about the poor always being with us and I've heard this verse used in the argument that He was saying that they would always be there so just let them be there - you will never be able to fix the problem. Randy pointed out in his sermon this summer at CF that Jesus didn't tell us to love the poor to fix them, He told us to love the poor to fix US! I can now say, after just beginning to taste this life, that it is 100% true.

Several weeks ago, I was sitting in my Bible study feeling like a complete freak as I watched a video on hospitality. I couldn't figure out why I was so agitated and then I found this book (on my own shelf, which is hilarious) called Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains. Best book I've ever read - really. She gets it. She has four kids and is a grandmother. She lives in the suburbs now, but she lived as a pastor's wife in inner city Chicago for over 10 years and she gets it. The book is about so much more than hospitality and she addresses the trap of the American definition of hospitality so well. It's really not even a book about the poor - she talks about welcoming everyone - she just doesn't leave the poor out. I was agitated while watching those Bible study videos because the setting was in a woman's very affluent house with very affluent looking women and all I could think was "I couldn't bring my neighbors here - it would be completely irrelevant to them." The gospel is irrelevant to no one, especially the poor.

In her book, Karen Mains writes this fictitious story to make a point and I think I'll type it here tomorrow. It had me in tears as I saw how true it is - of my own heart and of the church in America. It's too long and I've got to go to bed. Until tomorrow....

(Please know that I'm smiling!! :) :) I'm just feeling a bit intense about this subject at the moment! :))

altered perspective

I probably shouldn't say a word about politics on my blog...but here I go. Actually, I am sobered tonight. Truthfully, I wasn't excited about either candidate and had a few top picks for a write-in and just almost did it when I voted! ha! :) I think there are some scary things about the outcome of the election, but the sovereignty of God is sweet in this circumstance as it is in every moment of life! Here's what I'm noticing, though, about how my perspective has changed since living among people of a different culture. There is a part of me that is deeply moved that an African-American became president tonight. When God talks about the sins of the fathers carrying on through generation after generation, He's not kidding. I see the ugly face of slavery's consequences in my 84-year-old neighbor who had to teach herself to read using her Bible because she was forced to quit school in the 7th grade. I sat on my front porch this afternoon and helped one of my 4th grade neighbors do his homework - it was English grammar that my children did in first grade and he came to me because his mom sent him to ask us when she didn't understand it. We deeply love and respect Martin Luther King, Jr. and all that he did to bring justice to a people who had rarely tasted it. I guess as I watched people weep on my t.v. screen tonight who had walked with King and who understood something that I have never walked through, I was just noticing that my thinking has changed quite a bit since living here in Como. (For those of you who are wondering, yes, we did vote for McCain). As I looked at the issues in this election, of course abortion was a major concern for me (just read "Children are a blessing"). In good conscience, I couldn't have voted for a pro-choice candidate. But I had the thought more than once that God is deeply offended by injustice. Abortion is unarguably a severe case of injustice against the innocent...so are the numerous injustices against the poor. Does He really hate one more than the other? And I have literally been blown away as many veils have been lifted over the past few years to see how the poor are oppressed. I never would have said this was true before I lived among them and saw that many of my judgments against the lower class (particularly the black lower class) were just plain uninformed and racist. As Jackie Pulinger says, "It's hard work being poor." I'm still working through much of this mostly because I'm just beginning to see the tip of the iceberg of what it means to be poor in America, esp black and poor. Anyway, enough of my stream of consciousness. Here we are. I love that Jesus really is King. It takes so much of the devisive emotions out of this for me (which is a good thing since we have close friends who are believers, both black and white, that didn't vote the same way)! Our job (as always) is to pray for Obama now. God is good and God is on His throne and none of this came as a surprise to Him. My kids just learned the memory verse "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." That makes me want to say "woo-hoo!" I really love Him. I can't wait to be with Him forever with no interruptions by my own flesh and sin and the injustices that surround us! May His kingdom come NOW and may we await the "not yet" of His kingdom with hopeful joy!

third try!

Okay, so this is the third time in the last week that I've tried to blog. Both of my other attempts have been erased!! Annoying, but that's life. So here's my second attempt to brag about my children! I've always been hesitant to obnoxiously brag on my kids because I've never wanted to sound like I think they're perfect or that I've got it all down in the parenting thing! But I think any of you who really know me or who have read much of what I've written know that I'm not living in some dream world about perfect children, so I will now take the liberty to be a little obnoxious for a minute (this is really boasting in the Lord anyway!). Yesterday it was parent/teacher conference day at our kids' school and so we got to go in and get a progress report on how they're doing so far. It blew me away again. True, they are all getting straight A's (due to the fact that they inherited their dad's brains), but that was not what humbled me to my knees. The reports about their behavior and just about who they are brought so much glory to God and honor to us as their parents. And I just wanted to cry because I know about me and my very flawed mothering - the beauty of how God is shaping them is SO about His grace and so NOT about how we're doing it all right (I'm reminded hourly of how I'm NOT)! God is good! Here is what the teachers wrote about each of them:
Luke: "Luke is a delight to have in class. His fun sense of humor and his constant smile are a great addition to our class. Luke is a good listener, who seems to enjoy learning and participating in class. At times, he needs to be redirected in his excitement, but for the most part he seeks to do his best. I know God has big plans for Luke! He reads fluently and with great expression. He seems to have a solid level of comprehension in his reading, as well. I can tell that he has been exposed to a variety of reading experiences. Having this great foundation of reading will be an asset for him now and in the future. Socially, Luke is a friend to all his classmates and is liked by them. I appreciate that he is well-behaved and obedient during class. He treats others with kindness and respect. Luke is an encourager to all those around him."
His teacher just didn't have anything negative to say about him! Randy did ask if does cartwheels in class and she assured us that she has seen no cartwheels (this is good because we rarely actually see the boy sitting on his bottom at home - in fact, today when he got in the car, it wasn't long before he was actually doing a head stand in his seat while we waited for his older siblings).
Josiah: "Josiah is a wonderful example of a child growing in his faith. He recognizes the importance of putting Christ as the center of his life. God has truly blessed him with a wonderful mind. He is a fluid and expressive reader, and he comprehends most of what he reads. Josiah has excelled at all his academic endeavors so far this year. He gets along very well with all his classmates. He is respectful of adults and takes correction well. He is a valuable addition to our class, and I appreciate you sharing him with me this year." She also had no areas of improvement to recommend for him (okay, I warned you that this whole thing was obnoxious!)

McKenna: Her teacher actually did an acrostic with her name! ha! Here it is:
Meek, mighty
Compassionate
Kind, gentle heart
Elevates Christ Jesus
Never defeated
Near to the heart of God
Attentive to others
Her teacher shared a super encouraging story about her sweet loyalty. She said that one day several of the girls in her class were standing around saying negative things about their younger sisters. Honestly, McKenna could have joined right in that conversation if she had wanted to! :) (If you could have seen how Moriah was treating her yesterday a.m., you'd know exactly what I mean!). Anyway, instead of comparing notes, she looked at her teacher and said, "I love my sister." Sweet McKenna.

Well, I have SO much to write about - predominantly concerning this book I'm reading called Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains...BUT my husband is telling me that I need to be planning what I'm going to say on Thursday p.m. when we teach at Christ Fellowship's CORE training school. If most of you only KNEW how INCREDIBLY hilarious it is that I am going to be speaking at training school....now THAT's a story that gives God LOTS of glory! And I mean a LOT! More on that later and on hospitality and the poor, etc.! And I'll try to throw in a few pics to liven things up as well!
bye for now!

my boys

Aside from being a really wimpy teether (big top tooth number two is now in, praise the Lord), this baby is just full of joy almost all of the time! (his joy tends to wane when his 2-year-old brother is on top of him or if he's not getting food into his fat belly fast enough!)

I just had to take this pic of these guys yesterday after their haircuts - such a picture of their very different personalities. Luke always wants the spikes as high as he can get them with LOTS of gel and Josiah NEVER wants gel or spikes. Luke is Mr. Sensitive (about his own pain, but for that of others as well :)) and Josiah is all about logic. In fact, if you want to see this guy REALLY stressed out then ask him to do some creative writing project. He is SO left-brained, it's scary - I really can't relate. So my older three have it worked out pretty well: McKenna is my melancholy, dramatic, can-write-a-story-or-a-song-at-the-drop-of-hat girl, Josiah helps her out with all that math and looks at her in bewilderment wondering why she cries so much about various traumas in her life (they seem to be increasing these days!), while Luke just helps everyone feel a little more passionately about everything! I love how God has knitted this family together. He knows exactly what we need! :)

The simple gospel?

Have you ever tried to write a gospel tract? You know, the ones, that people give out on street corners and leave with their tips at restaurants? I've never been a big fan of them myself, but I'm actually trying to write one. You might think it a bit presumptuous of me to think that I can improve on the works of those who have spent years working to simplify and perfect the message to fit it in a pocket sized booklet. It is actually quite humbling. How do you take the infinite riches of Christ, the glory of the cross, and the beauty of God's amazing grace and summarize it in a few sentences. What is really important? What exactly should I tell a person to do to "get saved?"The only reason I'm writing a tract is because I haven't found one that says what I want to say in simple language. I was at church a few weeks ago listening to a great sermon. Early into it I thought, "I wonder how many words are not being understood by the boys who are sitting beside me." I started writing down the words I thought they might not be grasping. It was a simple, straightforward sermon, and I still wrote down about 40-50 words. As I was taking the boys home I went through about 15 of the words on my list just to see if I was right. They correctly knew only one of the 15.So that's why I'm writing a tract. I'm going to be part of an outreach at Como Elementary School at which we expect about 2000 people. We are having them walk out through a tent where a team of us will be there ready to tell them about Jesus. Truthfully, most of them will know more Bible than many of us do, but I pray that there will be some who have been touched by the love of Jesus and are ready to enter into new life with Him.So I pray that God will guide me to be able to clearly put into words what He invites them to and how they can accept his invitation. Please pray for me, and for them.

I'm still alive!

Okay, here I am. I just haven't felt like I had anything brilliant to write about and so the lull in our blog. And really. Who can top my husband's poetry and creative culinary creations? :)

I went to Canton last weekend for a break at a scrapbooking bed and breakfast. It was SO wonderful to be able to sleep when I felt like it and eat food that someone else had cooked and NOT have to clean up anything but my own little mess for a couple of days. If I wasn't such an incredible hormonal mess at the moment, it would have been perfect! I know, none of you want all the details and I'm actually not going to give them, but let's just say that I've been sad, weepy, and feeling sort of physically YUCKY for about two weeks now! Clearly, it's my hormones trying to get back on some sort of schedule, but it is just plain crummy. Randy just gives me lots of hugs. He's so sweet. I've just got to say that we're reading Leviticus right now as a family (we just started in Genesis, okay? we couldn't just SKIP Leviticus...although we have asked the kids to skip a few explicit chapters. it's not that we wouldn't go there with them if they needed to know why you can't sleep with your brother's wife - it's just a lot of questions to answer at breakfast in the morning. :)). ANYWAY! We're reading through Leviticus and I was noticing that women had to just be alone in their tents during their periods. It just hit me this week that this was for the sake of EVERYONE! She got a break and no one had to deal with her MOODS! God SO knew what He was doing and I personally think that perhaps this is one aspect of Jewish law we should revisit. :)

Back to scrapbooking. I feel like I always struggle with whether or not scrapbooking is a legitimate way to spend my time. I haven't done it in a year, but I always want to. But all my doubts were erased when I came home with Isaac's baby book (up until last weekend, he had NO scrapbook - poor little guy) and he asked with LOUD glee if he could see his "scwapbook!" That sweet boy has looked at his book about 25 times since I got home on Sunday night. A totally legitimate way to spend my time.

I have some thoughts about the mercy of God and about being a helper to my husband, but I think I'll wait until night when I don't have to feel guilty about neglecting my babies! :)

blessings!

Macarrocos

While Anda was out of town this weekend the kids and I made a new invention. We mixed macarroni and taco meat in a warm flour tortilla, and called it Tacorroni! Or is it Macarrocos? The kids really enjoyed them, but we're glad Anda is back.

Eureka!

I found it! The poem of the future is here now. I'm not sure how I could have missed it, but I spent an entire 20 grades in school and never heard of this poetic structure. Thankfully, my daughter, who is receiving a "classical" education, has already surpassed my poetic fund of knowledge. (or is it fund of poetic knowledge?) Anyway, this week she brought home from school some information about cinquains. That's right, cinquains. I'll bet you've never heard of one, have you? Well, I hadn't either. That's what makes me pretty sure they must be a new invention, because I scoured the poetic world in search of the perfect poem, and these never crossed my path. Perhaps they evolved out of the recent political debates. There's always lots of good stuff in those debates that just sort of flies right by the unengaged listener.

Anyway, this poem is pretty cool. I'm sure you'll all want to try one. It goes like this:
Line 1: Two syllables (the subject of the verse)
Line 2: Four syllables describing the subject (adjectives)
Line 3: Six syllables showing action
Line 4: Eight syllables expressing feeling or observation about the subject
Line 5: Two syllables describing or renaming the subject

OK, now that we know how to write one I'm going to go ahead an try one out. I think I will write about my favorite person:

Anda
Butterfly queen
Fluttering gracefully
Vision of beauty and glory
Stunning

Well, I don't expect you to do as well as I have on your first try (since I've been doing haikus for so long and you haven't), but once you get the hang of it, I'm sure you'll be a star in no time.

Two thoughts

First, I am so thankful for Byron. I feel this strange sense of helplessness with the Mighty Men. That is not to be confused with hopelessness. I am very hopeful, but really when you think about it, I have very little power over who they will ultimately become. I am doing a lot for them, if you think about what most men do for young men in their neighborhoods. But when you think about what a father does for his sons, I'm not even coming close to what that role should be. Two to three hours per week, even purposeful, love-filled hours, cannot replace the role of a man in their homes who will lovingly train them to be men of God. Some days I feel like I should be doing more, but then I look at the needs in my own home and acknowledge my limitations. Most days, though, I feel this peaceful sense of helplessness. These boys belong to God. He picked them. He created them, and He is the one in charge of making them Mighty Men. I mostly feel honored to be able to participate in what God is doing. I see His hand all over Byron. Byron is special. He is already leading young people to Jesus, and most importantly, he is a young man of character who really loves Jesus. I'm proud of him. I just want to state here publicly that God saved Byron and God gets all the glory for who he is. I am very thankful to be sharing in his life, but he is who he is because of the grace of God. I love being a dad to Byron, and I'm really glad that God is his Father who takes care of him when I can't. Pray for the other boys to follow Byron's lead.

Tonight my friend Richard called me. I met Richard a few months ago. He sleeps under a bridge. We don't always agree, but I think he knows I care about him. He has a cell phone that doesn't always have minutes, but tonight it did. I figured he was calling to ask me for cigarette money. I didn't answer the phone because I was praying with the kids. I just checked my voicemail and his message was just to tell me that he got a place to live. He ended the message with "woohoo!"
I guess it was something about the "woohoo!" that made me happy. Richard is not terribly expressive. I doubt he called anyone else tonight to share his good news. I am humbled and honored that he called me. Pray that he will keep calling. Pray that I won't forget that he isn't defined by his address or lack of one. Pray mostly that he will find Jesus. I will be shouting "woohoo!" with him, when he does.

Byron

Byron was baptized yesterday and it was amazing! Randy got to baptize him in Christ Fellowship's famous "horse trough". Before they got in, Randy read him a blessing and it was beautiful. Outside of his "blood" sons, Randy considers him a son and Byron claims him as his dad. It's just cool. Tarita came and I got to spend some wonderful time with her after church at the park just hearing their story. It's not my story to tell, but let's just say that God is SOVEREIGN and GRACIOUS and AMAZING! I LOVE seeing how He orchestrates life's circumstances (i.e. a massive, catastrophic hurricane - for those of you who don't know, the Smiths were forced to move here after "Katrina" and that's when our paths crossed) to bring people together. He is SO good! And I also love seeing how he takes people who have NOTHING in common but Jesus and knits their hearts together. I can tell that Tarita and I are going to be friends. Byron has started bringing his buddies from the football team to church and he really sees the peer pressure thing and how God can use him positively - yesterday he brought the quarterback with him. Hopefully, he'll be back!
Sorry there are so many pics - just wanted you to feel like you were there! ha!
This proud mama was so excited about Byron and LOVES my little Malachi.
Randy reading his blessing for Byron.
He thought the water was a bit cold and had everybody cracking up with his drama!

Isaac loves his Byron (could be because the boy gives him WHATEVER he wants! :))

A very cold new creation! :)

(he's still really cold)