I keep thinking that it's time to post lots of pictures and tell the
really long story of the whole birth and bleeding scare before I forget. Here's the
long version (I've given you sufficient warning) of the "big scare". The birth itself is a story I guess. People wondered why I chose to use a midwife this time instead of a doctor. My epidurals have never worked completely and my experience with Malachi was a little scary because my blood pressure dropped a lot during delivery. I was just wanting to experience a little more freedom in the hospital during birth and wanted to fully experience birth with no drugs. I realize that "pain-free" doesn't make anyone a hero, but there was something spiritual about it for me. I am, in my flesh, somewhat of a quitter and have difficulty persevering. I am an expert in pain avoidance and hate all talk about suffering. So there was something about doing this with no pain killers that was very spiritual for me. I wanted an intimate experience with Jesus and with my husband. Anyway, I went into labor after they stripped my membranes on Wednesday the 11th. It started fairly slow and the contractions were about 10-15 minutes apart when Randy and I went to bed that night. They were keeping me awake so I got up and worshipped by myself in the dark living room while breathing through contractions. This was a sweet time with the Lord. I went to our bedroom to tell RB I thought maybe we should start thinking about going to the hospital, but when he found out that they were still around 10 minutes apart he thought we should wait a couple more hours. Literally, the next contraction was about 3 minutes after the previous one and they never went back to 10 minutes! We were flying out of the house and I wasn't a very happy camper anymore. :) Poor Randy - first I was yelling at him to turn on the heater because I had the shakes so bad, then I was yelling at him to roll down the windows because I was too hot. When we arrived at the hospital, he had to drop me off so he could go park and the security guard that took me in just left me behind the counter just feet away from a nurse and another security guard who were working at their computer. As he went back outside he said something like "there she blows". The people didn't say anything to me and I assumed it was because they were waiting for Randy to come in, but when I started breathing through another contraction, they finally noticed that I was there! The nurse took me up. When they checked me I was at 7 cm and I went to a 9 within the next 10-15 minutes. I arrived at the hospital around 2 a.m. and started pushing shortly after 2:30 a.m. I won't go into the long details of the delivery, but let's just say that it was hard. The midwife wasn't particularly encouraging and I was beginning to feel like this baby was never going to come out! They finally figured out that she was posterior and at that point the midwife called the doctor on call just in case I chose to use a vacuum to get her out. At that point I was about ready to try anything!! I knew I was going to make it with no epidural, but this was turning into one of those moments when you feel trapped and like there is no escape!! I've never been so tired and frustrated - ever. I have never pushed longer than 20 minutes with any of my other children and this wasn't what I had been expecting. Like anyone can predict anything about birth, but you know what I'm saying! :) I knew people were praying and Tiffany and Randy were being extremely encouraging. All of a sudden Piper was there and I pushed like a crazy woman because I was afraid she might sneak back up there - LOL! She popped out face up and crying right away with the funniest shaped head I've ever seen (and quite bruised). I didn't even have any tears - I was just so happy to have her in my arms!! Just a little side note which had some significance later: when Randy saw the placenta, he didn't think it looked quite right and he noticed that the midwife looked at it kind of funny also. End of story. I never thought about my placenta again (until a few days later!).
Another thing I had heard about not having epidurals was that you feel so much better afterwards. Again, my expectations were different than reality. I've never felt worse after a birth! Every muscle in my body hurt and I could hardly sit up. My heart rate was really weird - in the low 50's. Every time I laid down I felt this pressure on my chest like I couldn't quite breathe right, but I had already had a sonogram in the hospital to make sure I had no clots in my legs, so I knew that wasn't the problem. My stomach was still quite large - I still looked very pregnant, but I just kind of ignored that thought and assumed it was because I had just given birth to my 7th baby. Overall, I felt horrible, but attributed it to the long pushing thing and was just feeling OLD! LOL! Fast forward to Tuesday p.m. (Piper was born early on the previous Thursday). I warn you that this is sort of way too much information, so don't read if you're grossed out! Around 10 p.m. I passed a large clot but didn't worry about it because this was a common thing for me following all our babies. I didn't worry, that is, on the first one. After the second one, I was a little more concerned because my bleeding was also picking up a bit. But Randy tried to reassure me and I went to bed. Around 1 a.m. I got up to go to bathroom and passed another huge one. At this point, I was worried. I woke Randy up and he said that if this kept up much longer we'd go to the doctor in the a.m. He told me he'd take me then if it would make me feel better. I didn't know what to do. We prayed and sat there a few minutes on the side of the bed. I guess God wanted to make sure that we knew there was an emergency - when I stood up I was bleeding all over the floor. SCARY!! Randy started grabbing stuff and went to tell his mom we were leaving. I've never seen so much blood in my life and I was trying not to let fear take over. At the ER I felt like we were all there to hang out and have coffee together! When the nurse finally SAW what was going on, she got a little more serious and reassuring. The ER staff was so wonderful. And when they got in touch with the doctor on call it was Dr. Boone. Some of our good friends use him and absolutely love him - I've never heard anything bad about him and I knew immediately that the Lord had provided him. His bedside manner was phenomenal. We tried some medication to see if it was just that my uterus had not contracted down like it should, but he was doubtful that this was the problem. He was already contacting the OR because he was anticipating doing a D&C. After they did a detailed sonogram, he came in to let us know that there was part of my placenta left and it was broken up everywhere. He just kept saying that there was a lot of "junk" in there. The OR wanted to wait until later that night to let him do the surgery, but he was very persistent and so it got scheduled for 9:30 a.m. Piper was with us during this entire ordeal and she was an angel! I had to wake her up to eat and nursed her on the way to the OR. She never cried the whole night. Then my sweet mother-in-law took her and bottle-fed her formula the rest of the day. She never complained. God took care of our sweet Piper. The OR staff was wonderful also. I just kept seeing the provision of the Lord. After surgery, the nurse explained that there was a saline-filled balloon in my uterus being used to stop the bleeding, but I didn't know that this was not normal. When Randy came back to see me, he seemed a little disturbed and sad. He told me that they had not been able to stop the bleeding during surgery and so they had had to use the balloon. The doctor had told RB that he had seen this balloon save a lot of uteruses. RB could hardly get the words out of his mouth. I think I was just too in shock and drugged to go there in that moment, but all day the reality that I might have to have a hysterectomy at age 36 began to sink in and I had to keep turning toward Jesus. I still can't write about it without crying. BUT the Lord is GOOD and He hears the prayers of the saints!! They took the balloon completely out around 10 p.m. that night and it was clear that it had worked. I was so grateful, grateful, grateful! Our friends had completely taken care of my family all day and came up to pray (and LAUGH) that night. Our parents have done so much and are exhausted! We are so thankful for their sacrificial love. Now I'm home and feel SO much better! The heart rate thing is fixed, my stomach went WAY down, and I can actually walk without feeling like an 80 year old woman. Apparently, the "leftovers" in my body were making me feel kind of crummy! Another huge thanks was that no infection developed before I started bleeding. The doctor said yesterday that i wouldn't have been going home yet if that had happened.
There are so many "what if's" etc. that go through your mind after an experience like this, but it's pretty pointless to go there. As Elisabeth Elliott always said "All our trials are custom made." I'm thankful that God ordained this trial for us during this season. In the big picture, it wasn't a very big one I suppose. But God used it to draw me into a sweet intimacy with Him that I wouldn't have experienced otherwise and I can say that this small amount of suffering was good and our joy is fuller as a result.
One more thing. I cannot begin to describe how much I love my hubby right now. He has been indescribably wonderful through this whole thing. In labor, he was perfect. He wasn't going to let me quit because he knew how much I needed to not quit. He couldn't stop telling me how proud he was of me. He was simply wonderful and this birth was the most memorable and spiritually intimate for him as well. And in the whole scary ordeal, he was so sweet and comforting and exactly what I needed. I've never loved him more - he needs some award or something!! Now we have the challenge of adjusting to the new normal. Mostly this is overwhelming and makes me want to go crawl in a hole somewhere. But the Lord gave this verse for Piper "I will proclaim His love in the morning and His faithfulness at night...." He is faithful. He is faithful. He is faithful! And He will walk us through this new season just as He has every other one.
