not an update - just me rambling

I feel almost like an intruder on my own blog writing about anything that doesn't have to do with Uganda!  :)  I should be asleep right now, but if I had been, I would have just been awakened by my crying baby - again.  We figured out today that he has hand, foot, mouth disease.  That sounds so terrible, but it's pretty common with babies/toddlers.  Got it from church last Sunday.  He's definitely better, but I think he must still have some mouth sores that are bothering him in his sleep.  Bummer is that Isaac started running fever this afternoon.  Sigh.  He said his mouth was hurting under his tongue.  Poor babies.  

I came in after putting my kids to bed way too late tonight and bawled with Jesus for a while.  I don't feel like I can write about this yet and it may be a long time, but I am being broken in half through one of my children.  I was locked in my bedroom doing that really ugly, hysterical, sobbing that you hope no one witnesses and I just asked Him to speak.  I heard Psalm 55 and looked it up.    The whole thing was good and clearly from the Holy Spirit, but here are a few highlights:  "listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me....My heart is in anguish within me....But I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice....Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall....But as for me, I trust in You."  Then as I sat there still crying and praying, He just reminded me about this child's name and its significance.  I am learning things through this experience (which has been going on with varying intensity for years) that I probably could not learn through any other means.  But it is breaking.  Tonight God picked me up and brought me close to His heart, though, and I am filled with His peace and hope and joy and love for this child as I go to bed tonight.  The MM's verse for today was 2 Corinthians 9:8 - "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."  His grace does abound, and all the more so, the more hopeless a situation seems.  Nothing is impossible with God.  Really!  Malachi went back to sleep - time for bed since I'm falling asleep typing.