Loving the Poor - Part 2

So as not to leave anyone hanging on the whole "loving the poor" thing, I'll list the verses that RB talked about concerning people who do love the poor. 

**Luke 12:33 - Sell your possessions and give to the poor.  Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in Heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. [Jesus]

**James 2:5 - Listen, my dear brothers:  Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?

**Isaiah 58 - [This is much too long to type here, but it is one of the most amazing blessing chapters on loving the poor.  And it has proven true in our own lives - we have seen healing that we never thought possible!]

**Deuteronomy 15:7, 10-11 - If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother.  Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs....Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.  There will always be poor people in the land.  Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.  [Interesting to note here that in the American church, a common reason proposed for going ahead and not dealing with the poor is this verse (which Jesus also quoted):  "the poor will always be with you".  We've actually heard that before as a reason to not engage the situation because we can't fix it anyway.]

**After he talked about this, he also went through examples of people who loved the poor throughout the New Testament.  Included Jesus, Paul, Peter and the apostles, Zaccheus, the church in Acts (I didn't take notes on all the scripture references for these, but there's no doubt it was pretty essential.  Giving half of his possessions to the poor was Zaccheus' first proof that he had been saved when people questioned Jesus eating with a "sinner").

There are many more verses concerning the poor, which would make one think that maybe it REALLY  matters to God.  He hates injustice.  My approach most of my life has been to think about it for a minute and then to decide to ignore it because it's overwhelming and what could I do anyway?  John Piper points out that you can ALWAYS pray (like when you're watching the news, etc.).  And Randy said the other night that the world is different than it used to be.  It literally takes 5 minutes to send money anywhere in the world.  And our seemingly little contribution can change lives.  To give a little perspective, the average person in Uganda makes around $350 a YEAR!!  Our wealth goes a long way in most places in the world.  

The thing that overwhelms me now is my lack of compassion, even after having my eyes opened quite a bit.  I weep now over things I didn't used to cry about and I have faith that God is slowly giving us His heart for people, but the truth is that when a kid shows up at my door and just wants to hang out or whatever, most of the time I wish he would go away and let me get back to my own "plan".  It's still really hard to engage.  When Jesus said that the entire law could be summed up in this "Love God and love other people", it sounded really simple, but it's EXTREMELY hard (and not just with the poor - with everyone!  :))  People just need to be loved.  No one wants to be a "project" or given handouts, really.  They just want someone to notice them and look in their eyes and love them.  I would honestly rather not have to do that on most days.  Without Christ, I'm hopelessly selfish.  I have been confronted with this over and over and over again in the past several years (esp. having so many children)!  But the beauty in this is that it MAKES you have to depend on Him or give up!  Life by the Spirit/abiding in Jesus  is the only hope.  My flesh produces absolutely pitiful results.  Thank you, Jesus, for Your life and Your grace!

Some Random pics and my husband, the preacher

D'Leeland and his buddy, Webster came by to show off the horses. There are so many entertaining things about our neighborhood - bet you didn't know there are some stables! My kids were terrified of the horses! :)

my little Moriah - she loves posing!

Don't let him fool you. He looks like he's cleaning up, but his main goal in life is to destroy!

If you had asked me 10 years ago if I thought RB would be teaching/preaching, I probably would have said no. I love God. He works through the things in which we find ourselves weak and then HE gets lots of glory. (He will also be preaching again in church on May 31st!). My husband really has turned into this amazing teacher (it is definitely one of his spiritual gifts) and I was amazed again last p.m. at his wisdom and insight. He was asked to teach at our CORE training school last p.m. about the poor, injustice, and racism. I was humbled by the message and my eyes were opened in a fresh way to the Word of God again. I'm sure this is going to be one of those multiple day posts, but I just have to share some of the things that he did because it was so powerful. I was totally convicted - again. He began by talking about how in our culture we have compartamentalized (SPELLING??) loving the poor and made it something optional (much like sharing the gospel, but that's a post for another day - how have we convinced ourselves that that is not for everyone? that it's okay if we rarely, if ever, tell people about Jesus?). He made the analogy that if you came in to see him as a doctor, he wouldn't tell you to digest your food or to grow hair. That's a natural part of what your body does and if it's not doing that, then you are sick and need healing - there is definitely something wrong. So it is with loving the poor. Loving the poor characterizes your life if you're a follower of Jesus. It doesn't save you, but it's one of the fundamental proofs that transformation has taken place. It was NEVER addressed in the Word as something optional or as an "add-on". It is pretty central from Genesis to Revelation. Something about seeing all the following scriptures together last night (and there are MANY more that he did not mention) did something to my heart and opened my eyes to things I'd never noticed before. First, he went through several scriptures that talk about people who do NOT love the poor. His stated goal last p.m. was that he would make everyone "greedy" to love the poor because of the great blessing that comes from it. Keep that in mind as you read the first set of scriptures (the next ones I'll put on here are the ones about people who DO love the poor and what God promises). I'm going to type them out and then I'll write more later. I've got my sweet little people running around and need to get off this computer!

**Jeremiah 5:27-29 - "Like cages full of birds, their houses are full of deceit; they have become rich and powerful and have grown fat and sleek. Their evil deeds have no limit; they do not plead the case of the faterhless to win it, they do not defend the rights of the poor. Should I not punish them for this?" declares the Lord. "Should I not avenge myself on such a nation as this?" [interesting to note here that they weren't oppressing the poor; they were apparently just ignoring them - the description of this nation sounds uncomfortably familiar - youch!]

**Jeremiah 22:15-17 - [This was said to Jehoahaz, son of Josiah] "Does it make you a king to have more and more cedar? Did not your father have food and drink? He did what was right and just, so all went well with him. He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" [I didn't even know Josiah took care of the poor]

**Ezekial 16:49 - [Why did God destroy Sodom?] "Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy."

**James 5:1-5 - Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. [RB pointed out here that the day of slaughter sounds like it's for them - they have made themselves fat and they themselves are the cattle that get slaughtered]

**Luke 18:24 - Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"

**I John 3:17 - If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?

**Luke 11:39-41 - Then the Lord said to him, "Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? But give what is inside the dish to the poor, and everything will be clean for you." [WHAT? I had NEVER noticed THIS before!! Jesus' solution to getting rid of their wickedness was to give their greed (become generous) to the poor! Giving to the poor was the starting place!]

I'll continue later! I need to say that there's lots of grace, but I also believe that this is something that God is really wanting us to get. RB said last p.m. that this is not something he wants to add to anyone's "to do" list; he needs to become part of our "to BE" list! And all of it is ABSOLUTELY impossible without the life of the Spirit living through us. This is really comforting because I can speak from LOTS of experience in trying to do it in my flesh - it DOESN'T work!!

we all need a lot of grace...

One sad and one funny story:
Let's start with sad. Last p.m. I'm sleeping while RB is reading in bed and the phone rings around 10:45. He doesn't get it in time, but caller id says is it Tarrant County Jail. This could be a couple of people we know, but no one leaves a message. About an hour later the doorbell rings. I go and peek out the peephole and realize that it is one of our Mighty Men (yeah, 14-years-old, out by himself at midnight in the cold rain). We brought him in and he had some weird story about not catching a bus because the bus had a wreck. He had stolen a bike to ride over to our house so he could use the phone and get home (he lives about 20-25 minutes away). Poor kid - his language is deceit and so we have no idea what really happened. Randy took him home and dropped off the bike back where he supposedly "found it abandoned". We're assuming that he had been picked up by the police for whatever reason and that he was the one calling from the jail. Sigh. I was praying last p.m. that the truth would just start coming out of his mouth without him even thinking about it! I really can't believe how the Mighty Men really are turning into MEN! A couple of them are beginning to tower over me! Love those guys - need to pray more.

Okay, here's the funny story, perhaps the most pitiful hormonal moment I've ever had in my life. I would say that last week was pretty awful. I had NO energy, still nauseous, and my family is lucky that they ever got anything to eat! One of my extreme aversions right now is ground beef - not sure why, but texture and smell get me. Because I hadn't made dinner once again, my sweet husband made this interesting ground beef/noodle/velveeta concoction on Thursday p.m., which I ate. I also ate it for lunch on Friday because we had nothing else in the house due to the fact that I hadn't gone grocery shopping. So on Friday evening when he was on his way home, he called to ask what I wanted him to pick up for dinner (I would like to say that I finally went to the store yesterday - we'll be eating this week) and I told him Rosa's sounded good. He comes home with 2 pints of beans, 2 packages of tortillas, and 1 pint of...GROUND BEEF!! I was SO hoping for some CHICKEN!! When I realized he got ground beef, I said out loud to everyone, "I'm not going to cry about ground beef" as I start spilling tears right there in the middle of my kitchen. Moriah was really concerned and kept asking why I was crying. The boys were just watching me, not sure how to react. And then my husband, who was trying to be sympathetic and very apologetic, just lost it and burst out laughing. My boys followed his lead and soon I was laughing AND crying hysterically over a pint of ground beef. Randy explained to our kids that only a pregnant woman could pull off such a feat. God bless my poor husband and kids! :)

blogging apathy

I've heard that people stop reading your blog if you go too long without posting, so I'll probably have no one reading this! I don't know why I haven't felt like writing lately - maybe it's that thing that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all? I confess that I've had more encouraging seasons of life - sort of in survival mode right now. This pregnancy has been a whip so far - really tired and really gaggy and nauseous most of the day. But if I complain (which, don't get me wrong, I do often), I can just hear people thinking "Well, didn't they decide to throw birth control away? They got themselves into this!" People probably aren't thinking that, but when you're hormonal you think all sorts of ridiculous things. I remember Beth Moore teaching about God's will one time and that we tend to think that if it's in the will of God then it will be easy. That's a lie. God never said that. So while I'm 100% confident that God has called us to have a large family, etc., I must also acknowledge that it's HARD! One of my good friends was recently telling me that she realized one day that she didn't have to make a choice about whether she viewed her kids as a "blessing" or a "burden." The truth is that they are both! This is SO true! They are a tremendous blessing and they are a burden (in a good, weighty sort of way) that we will carry until the day we die. That's why I feel out of breath so often. The nice thing about this trying season is that I find myself desperate for God once again. I simply cannot do this. I cannot be everything my children need. I am a mess. Prayer and Jesus are their only hope!! Maybe when I'm 80 I'll feel like I've "got it all together"...no, probably not. I'll just have 50 grandkids running around my house then!!

Isaac just yelled that Malachi is once again playing in the toilet. Sigh. I'll write more about that guy later - he might just do me in!!

Question

Does anyone have any suggestions on what the appropriate discipline should be for feeding your 3 year old brother your boogers?
Thanks,
Randy

what was I THINKING?!

So Randy is at a CCS board meeting tonight and usually doesn't make it home until 11:30 p.m. or so. Moriah is still on medication for strep, Luke is right in the middle of it and feeling crummy, and Malachi is on day 10 or something of a horrific cold which has made his poor nose raw and all of our clothes rather "slimy" (sorry, that was gross - but it's true). I'm sleep-deprived (Malachi), nauseous, and I have now caught my sweet baby's cold. Last night I was with my friend, Candice, who recommended this movie "the boy in the striped pajamas." I will agree that it is a great movie. And since McKenna is currently studying WWII, the Holocaust, etc. in school, I thought I would preview this movie tonight to see if she could handle it. NO!! Oh my word!! It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sad (Candice did warn me of this)! It's based on the perspective of a Nazi boy and it is very well-done. But I was BAWLING at the end. I cannot handle anything now that I'm a momma. Ugh! This was NOT the best way to end my sicky day! LOL! Anyway, if you're into historical sadness, I do recommend this movie. I've got to go pray or something before hubby gets home. At least maybe I can be smiling with my puffy eyes.
By the way, isn't my hubby a terrific writer? I love the way he expresses himself. What's up with that? I'm the English major and I can hardly compose a complete sentence!

Somebody Has to Start Dancing

I have this picture of revival in my head.
I saw it at Opportunity Camp this summer. Someone started playing a song called "Cupid Shuffle." I had never heard it before. Apparently I was the only one. Almost as soon as the song started, someone started dancing. It wasn't long before others began to join in. Soon there was a whole room full of people-- black, white, young, old, coordinated and not-so-coordinated-- all moving in unison to the same song. It seemed that everyone knew exactly what to do. Everyone was smiling and laughing as the whole room stepped in the same directions together. No tripping, no falling, no fighting.
That's what I expect revival to look like when it comes to Como.
I saw a video of a similar situation in a train station in Germany. First a father and daughter started dancing, and before long a whole station full of strangers was dancing together. I tend to be the last one to join a dance. In fact, when I join, the other people normally begin laughing so hard that the dance quickly degrades into a guffawing mob of hecklers. But let's stop talking about my dancing skills (which I will forever attribute to my strict upbringing and not a lack of physical aptitude on my part), and let's get back to the original analogy.
Somebody has to start dancing. It's a risk to stand in the middle of a room of strangers and dance. (I've only done it one or 2 occasions, and the above description of the heckling mob stems from those experiences.) But for revival to happen, whether among a small group or a nation, there must be a core of dancers who lead the way. They inspire others to join, and as they move in unison together in response to the song of God they actually teach others the dance. Revival won't happen primarily through teaching. It will happen as disciples disciple others in the ways of God, by responding to his voice in obedience. That is the beauty of the line dance of God. The world will be able to look at us and see what to do, then just jump in and dance with us. Sure they will make mistakes as they learn, but instead of whacking their hand with a ruler we can just laugh together in the grace of God and take the next step together.
I bless you to start dancing to the music of your King. May your brothers and sisters join with you, and may you together penetrate the barren stillness around you.

our baby

By the way, for any of you who were getting excited with our children for twins, I have to inform you that I saw our little one and it IS just ONE! I must confess that this is a relief, although I would have been excited about twins too. Everything looks great! There's just nothing like seeing and hearing that little heartbeat for the first time!

news from the SLUG

I am a slug. ugh. Even moving my fingers to type requires almost more energy than I am capable of producing at the moment. Am I just old or what? I definitely don't remember feeling this sick and tired with my other pregnancies, but maybe that's a memory problem and not reality. I think I'm going to start praying for the perfect "nanny" to show up. I mean, shouldn't people like Alice on the Brady Bunch be the norm and not the exception? I would LOVE an Alice right now. One of Randy's nurses made us dinner last p.m. and I thought I was going to explode I was so thankful. I'm going to the doctor for my first visit in about an hour. I get to see this little bean today - this will make the fatigue a little more tolerable! :)
So I realize that I never gave my version of the camping saga. Here it is. Luke woke up at 5:30 that morning with fever and a sore throat. Immediately I thought what a terrible mother I would be if I took my sick son to sleep in the cold on the ground for the next three nights, but after praying, I really had peace that we were supposed to go anyway. Randy thought it was strep and we figured that with antibiotics he would be better quickly anyway. We actually left town in good spirits and we weren't even mad at each other. We were very proud of ourselves for this - perhaps we should've boasted more in the Lord. Our pride went before a great fall. Sure we stopped about 5-6 times on our way to Arkansas, but we still managed to maintain our joy until we reached the campground. I suppose I could blame what happened next on hormones. I'm not sure what happened, but I just lost it. The campsite was NOT kid-friendly. There were several little retaining walls built because it was steep and led down to the lake's edge. All I'm seeing is my 14-month-old rolling down the rocky slope into the water. As soon as we got out of the car, we were all covered in these tiny black gnats. And it was definitely feeling like we were in Egypt - I started crying out to the Lord!! :) It just suddenly hit me what we had done. We had about one hour to completely set up our "houses" and make/clean up dinner before it started getting dark. The amount of effort overwhelmed me and I wanted to go home. Did I mention that our campsite was at the end, meaning that we were as far away from the bathrooms as we could possibly be? Anyway, after dinner Malachi fell through one of the little "retaining fences", falling about 2-3 feet on the rocky ground. I couldn't talk to anyone. In fact, I hardly spoke a word the rest of the night. When the kids were in bed and Randy and I were sitting by the campfire, there were no romantic gestures or conversations. I coudn't talk to him. I was too mad. So I proceeded to cry uncontrollably for several minutes while he sat there helpless. What was this man supposed to do with a tired, hormonal, pregnant momma of six? We just went to bed. I didn't sleep most of the night, hearing lots of sounds, worrying about Luke (who was in a different tent), and wondering if I was brave enough to walk down to the bathroom alone in the middle of the night (I wasn't - I used a red solo cup hiding behind our Suburban. You get pretty good at this sort of thing after six pregnancies...). Anyway, as I lay awake that night I really pondered whether or not it was possible in Jesus to have a different attitude. I decided that it was and awoke determined the next day. I was really very nice. In fact I even smiled a lot and talked in a pleasant tone all day. I was pretty proud of myself (Randy just thought I was faking it and so I guess he wasn't that impressed). We went on a little hike and had a pretty peaceful day - until the rain. I think Randy described the rest pretty well. The funny thing is that I didn't even really think about leaving until my spouse started scaring me. I didn't want to spend the night in a wet tent in 40 degree weather. We left. And I was mad all over again. I mean, if we had never attempted this, then my children wouldn't have been wailing. Sigh. It was undoubtedly a catch-22. We grieved for the whole day on Friday. It was one of the saddest vacations (okay -the saddest) we've ever taken. BUT, we're all okay now. I think. I guess we won't know about some of them until it comes out in counseling someday....
Is he not just a beautiful little boy?

Isaac spent much of his time looking like this - it's tough being three.

Luke took about 5000 pictures of the ducks.

Here we are! Our happy family - did I mention that Randy made us all wear matching flourescent yellow t-shirts on our travel day?! THAT brought us some attention, as if we needed any help with that.

new haiku

Turn tour TV off!
Does your TV speak for God?
Why do you obey?

the other side of the story

I would just like to say that MY side of this little trauma is coming (when I get a spare moment that doesn't involve interruption, nausea, or paralyzing fatigue...)!

A Haiku of Lament

Campfire, hiking, joy,
Raindrops, teardrops, deep lament,
Mom's thoughts dance back home.

OK, I'm sorry but I can't quite fit it into 17 syllables.
It was a disaster. The worst vacation ever. (I'm limiting that to our family's experience, because as I recall there was a Brady Bunch vacation once which could have given ours a close running.) But as for my own personal experience as a husband and father, I have never failed more miserably in leading my family on a trip which was intended to bring joy and relaxation.
By the time we went to bed the first night, Anda wasn't speaking to me. I don't think it was so much anger as it was just a dumbfounded shock that I had actually followed through with my foolhardy plans to take on this endeavor. It felt like midnight when we rolled into bed, though I think it was still before 10 pm. The next morning when I woke up for what felt like the 20th time at 7 something am, I realized that camping was not going to be relaxing for either of us, and trying to make it fun was a lot like selling tickets to a root canal.
The morning went fairly well. Anda got a shower. We made breakfast and I cleaned up breakfast.
Malachi had already fallen and busted his nose open the day before while we were setting up our tents. He fell again during breakfast, but didn't bleed as much this time. We decided we should take a hike. It was a really good hour.
We "rested" a bit after lunch. Isaac was on his second or 3rd pair of pants for the day. Somehow, despite his reassurances that he wasn't getting in the water, his shoes and pants got wet up to his knees every time he got close to the water.
It wasn't cold, but it certainly wasn't warm.
Then the rain came. Our family of 8 sat in a tent for about 45 minutes. I tried reading a book to everyone while the younger 3 apparently were auditioning for the olympic gymnastics team. Anda must have had some strings sewed to the corners of her mouth that were being pulled by some unseen force, causing her lips to become a thin straight line for the entirety of our time in the tent.
Now, I ask you, dear reader, what would you have done? There was a chance the rain could move on, and we could have 2 more days of clear weather. We could have stayed to enjoy 2 more days of camping, and my marriage fiasco recovery time would have been lengthened by at least 3-4 days. Or there was a possibility of the rain continuing for the entire length of the trip, in which case that recovery time would have stretched to 3-4 months or even years. I saw a chance of escape, and perhaps chickenheartedly, I took it. So after about 3 hours of packing, with at least half of that time trying to secure a tarp to a trailer to avoid getting all our camping gear wet, we departed from our adventure. I suspect our next camping trip is many, many years away. With much regret, I acknowledge that a stronger man would have stuck it out, and perhaps might have found that his family had grown closer together and his wife had developed a love for camping. I however, was not that man.

I cannot even write about yet - I think some inner healing may be necessary before I can.  But let me just tell you that we were supposed to leave for our trip on Wednesday around 8:30 a.m. and return today around 7 p.m.  We finally got out of town around 11 a.m. on Wednesday and returned on Thursday p.m. at midnight.  It started raining and we chickened out on staying to see whether or not it would continue.  (In case you're wondering, it was about a 6 hour drive with a baby who doesn't have a big love of traveling.)  Lots of crying and actual lamenting on the part of our sweet children.  We all had to grieve, mourn, and recover yesterday.  I think we're starting to crawl out of our sad hole today....  I'll post the few pics we got later.  :(

farewell everyone...

Okay, just kidding...I hope.  Tomorrow a.m. I am undoubtedly setting myself up to win the wife of the year award.  Don't you admire my humility?  I have agreed (albeit reluctantly) to accompany my husband and 6 children (not to mention the one in my womb) on a four day CAMPING TRIP!!  I'm trying to figure out a way to get out of it, but I'm afraid it's too late.  Do you understand how DIFFICULT it is getting all these people ready for a camping trip??!!  I mean, we might as well be moving.  Not only do you have to take enough clothing to cover all kinds of weather (hot, cold, rain all expected), but you actually have to take your physical dwelling with you, "beds" for everyone, ALL your food AND your cooking utensils, every fun "boy" gadget  that we own (fishing gear, knives, etc.), every blanket we own (because it's going to be 40 degrees at night and did I mention we're sleeping ON THE GROUND?), and baby gear (yes, we're going camping with a very curious and busy 13-month-old who will be putting everything in sight in his mouth and who still needs LARGE items such as a little high chair, stroller, hiking baby carrier, and a pack n' play).  My husband is like a little boy on Christmas Eve - he LOVES this - although I'm certain that only God knows why....I can't wait to return and recount all our lovely adventures along with pics!  PRAY for us!!  If this doesn't kill us, it certainly will make us stronger!!

great link

My sister-in-law told me about this blog and the latest entry is SO good - made me laugh! http://www.raisingfive.com/

And I also must add one little detail that my husband failed to blog about last p.m. There were some floor/toilet repairs going on in the boys' bathroom yesterday and so the toilet brush was out in the middle of the floor (instead of behind the toilet where it usually resides). Randy and the boys looked up and Isaac was sticking his tongue out and beginning to LICK the toilet brush (i almost can't even write this without gagging). Josiah was running through the house in a towel screaming as my husband comes out holding the brush, laughing. Sigh. Three-year-old boys. Only God can understand that mind!

Parenting

OK, I have to confess, I have no clue what I'm doing.  Isaac has lately begun to wail uncontrollably for no clear reason.  This happens 20-30 times per day.  Anda asks me why he is crying.  I have no good answers.  Generally it's something like, "I told him not to sit on Malachi's head" or "I wouldn't let him eat another cookie."  It's not really like a fit.  It's more like a lament.

My guess is that it's just another of the many experiments of childhood, like the screaming fits phase, or the "let's see how many spankings I can get in one day" phase, or the "I'd rather die than let my parents make me go to bed" phase.

I'm hoping this one ends soon, but I suspect it won't be long before another phase takes its place.  I guess with 1 or 2 kids one might have a time when none of their children were in a difficult phase.  I don't recall having had such a time recently.

Actually, that brings me back to my first sentence.  I wonder, how badly am I messing my children up?  I have no doubts that some of my mistakes will leave irreparable scars.  I just wonder how deep those scars will be.  Most of the time I feel pretty optimistic.  I have great kids and for the most part they like me.  We usually have fun together.

But then at times I think about what God wants for my kids.  I think about His dreams for them.  I am doing a terrible job of being like God.  Every day I make mistakes that skew their perspective on what life really should be like.  In a time of reflection last night I felt again the desperation of parenthood.  

So today I prayed more, and I took all the movies out of my 5 disk DVD changer then loaded it with 5 CDs of the Bible.  It played all day long in our playroom.  I didn't make anybody listen to it, but I wouldn't let them turn it off.  I think I'll do it again tomorrow.  And I think I'll spend some more time praying tonight.

I'd better go help my older son first.  He and his sister are having to clean up the kitchen.  He's lying on the kitchen floor crying.  It's the third time in the last 15 minutes that he's had a serious injury that has incapacitated him.  My sense is that he needs a stronger work ethic.  Anybody know how to give a kid one of those?

New haiku

Ok, it's been awhile, but here's my shot at a haiku:

Seven kids are great.
One for each day in my week;
Anda gets the nights.

or here's another try:

Scenic views we see
While we nine are travelling
In our Good Times van.

I like this pic of my pensive little guy...

Big News!! :)

Now I guess we'll find out who my faithful blog readers are! Actually, my husband is asking to blog so I'm handing this over to him!

OK, so you probably read (or at least skimmed) Anda's 12 page blog from back in September '08 about having more kids. I just have to tell you that every time I look at Malachi I think about what an ignorant person I am. I really thought I knew what would make me happy. I really thought that we'd be better off with no more kids.

But then God came and shook everything up. He made it very clear that we needed Malachi (by giving him to us), and then he made it clear to both of us that we needed to stop trying to plan the size of our family. I cannot tell you how much peace we have had since Anda came to that conclusion. Still almost every time I look at Malachi, I think about how thankful I am that God miraculously gave him to us. (I could tell you all the details of that, but trust me, we were being very careful NOT to have a baby that month.)

I remember the night Anda found out she was having Malachi. She wept, and they were not tears of joy.

Well last night it was different. No tears, no shame, just a glorious glow and peaceful smile. She was looking across the table at me as we drank coffee together and she said, "We need to pray a lot because we have seven kids."

Praise God for his kindness to us. We don't deserve such blessings. Please pray for us that we would be filled with the Spirit of Christ as we raise these seven wonderful blessings. (By the way, she's due on November 15th.)

Randy

Okay, it's Anda again. WOO-HOO!! I wish I could describe how I feel about this baby! It's different than any of my other pregnancies because I'm not pretending that I'm in control. That probably sounds weird, but knowing that this life is totally in the hands of God and that He sovereignly ordained this little life before the creation of the world gives me so much peace. What I just said was completely true for all my other kids, but I didn't really believe that because I thought I was deciding when and IF I needed them.

And I just love His timing. I went to a conference for moms in Dallas a few weeks ago with a friend of mine led by a lady named Sally Clarkson. I wasn't sure what to expect, but wondered if I would leave feeling somewhat defeated as I pondered all the things that I'm not doing or could be doing differently (and the list is endless). I was SO pleasantly surprised. Her overall emphasis was that if you're looking for a method for raising children, you are seeking the wrong thing. She talked about how, esp. in our culture, we either parent by our flesh (we figure it out on our own, etc) or by a method that someone else has established as THE way (I could list you five or six right off the top of my head that we've tried out). They both fail miserably at some point (don't I know it!! and if they don't fail on the surface then God gets no glory because we think WE'VE done something great). She talked about how parenting (or doing anything for that matter) in faith by walking by the Spirit is the ONLY way to be at peace, without fear and without total exhaustion. I've never heard anyone well-known parenting "experts" talk about parenting like this couple and it was just what I needed to hear. I needed to be reminded again that living by the flesh is death. And life is only found in Christ, which means lots of time with Him and in His Word. (And a little side note: I was encouraged by the Lord a few weeks ago to read the whole Bible through quickly. I was going for 90 days and I'm already behind, but I'm still already into Numbers! Anyway, I've been struck again at how children were always considered a blessing. You just don't read any stories about how so-and-so was so sad when she found out she was having a baby).

All this to say that we are so excited and our children were so excited! We took them to Chili's today for lunch (okay, this is big time for the Browns) and when Randy prayed for our food he thanked God for our seven kids. They promptly resumed their coloring, except for Luke who said, "Dad, we don't have seven kids." Randy said, "Yes we do." Okay, they're all STILL clueless. Then distracted McKenna pipes up and says, "No we don't Luke, we have 8!!" LOL! As I'm saying "WHAT?! Are you kidding me?!" Josiah looks confused and says "Mom's not pregnant...Mom, are you pregnant?!" So they're all making excited exclamations about another baby and pregnancy while onlookers in the restaurant watch us, obviously confused. Surely we can't be having MORE children! Ha! McKenna hasn't been able to stop touching my stomach and talking to the baby and they've been talking about names and how they want twin girls all day. Lord have mercy! It has been a big celebration all day! My close friends either squealed or cried with joy. When we told our sweet neighbor, Ms. Murray, she just inhaled and said, "OH! What a blessing! You all are so BLESSED!" We really, really are.

Lord, You are Creator of life! I am utterly AMAZED at how You can take microscopic cells and make everything work just right to make a person - it is UNREAL and could only be done by You! I praise You because You delight in children and because right now You are knitting together another life whose story You have known before the creation of the world! You know that our family needs this child and wouldn't be complete without him/her. You are holy. You are perfection. You have taken us from death when we were doing NOTHING but rebelling against You and redeemed us. My sin is GREAT - I keep getting more amazed at how great. But with more understanding of the depth of my sin comes a bigger view of the bottomless treasure of the riches of Your grace!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are the most wonderful person I know. I love You more than I ever have!! Amen!

John Piper on prayer

A friend of ours had this quote on his blog:

Piper on Prayer
John Piper:
"But the hard truth is that most Christians don’t pray very much. They pray at meals—unless they’re still stuck in the adolescent stage of calling good habits legalism. They whisper prayers before tough meetings. They say something brief as they crawl into bed. But very few set aside set times to pray alone—and fewer still think it is worth it to meet with others to pray. And we wonder why our faith is weak. And our hope is feeble. And our passion for Christ is small.
And meanwhile the devil is whispering all over this room: “The pastor is getting legalistic now. He’s starting to use guilt now. He’s getting out the law now.” To which I say, “To hell with the devil and all of his destructive lies. Be free!” Is it true that intentional, regular, disciplined, earnest, Christ-dependent, God-glorifying, joyful prayer is a duty? … Is it a discipline?
You can call it that.
* It’s a duty the way it’s the duty of a scuba diver to put on his air tank before he goes underwater.
* It’s a duty the way pilots listen to air traffic controllers.
* It’s a duty the way soldiers in combat clean their rifles and load their guns.
* It’s a duty the way hungry people eat food.
* It’s a duty the way thirsty people drink water.
* It’s a duty the way a deaf man puts in his hearing aid.
* It’s a duty the way a diabetic takes his insulin.
* It’s a duty the way Pooh Bear looks for honey.
* It’s a duty the way pirates look for gold.
I hate the devil, and the way he is killing some of you by persuading you it is legalistic to be as regular in your prayers as you are in your eating and sleeping and Internet use. Do you not see what a sucker he his making out of you? He is laughing up his sleeve at how easy it is to deceive Christians about the importance of prayer.
God has given us means of grace. If we do not use them to their fullest advantage, our complaints against him will not stick. If we don’t eat, we starve. If we don’t drink, we get dehydrated. If we don’t exercise a muscle, it atrophies. If we don’t breathe, we suffocate. And just as there are physical means of life, there spiritual are means of grace. Resist the lies of the devil in 2009, and get a bigger breakthrough in prayer than you’ve ever had."

sermon - "Is suffering optional?"

Just listened to this sermon by Francis Chan - he is a prophetic voice in America right now. Hard to listen to, but I don't think there is any denying that he's right. I don't want him to be right!!! Funky time right now of God answering a prayer to give me an undivided heart. Ugh! Do I really want Him to?? Here's the link: http://www.cornerstonesimi.com/. Click on the sermon "Is suffering optional?"

My new favorite book

Okay,I just looked online at pics of Rottweilers, Pit Bulls, and Boxers and Daisy was definitely predominantly Rottweiler and probably some retriever mix. Her face was a Rott and not a pit. Somehow, this just makes me feel better because I think it will increase her chance of being adopted. I'm sure I'm going to get over this dog thing soon! LOL!

Anyway, my latest book recommendation is Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I know I already mentioned it, but now I've finished it and it's REALLY good. I wouldn't say that it's a "feel-good-and-be-content-to-stay-where-you-are-with-the-Lord" kind of book, but it so encouraged me to ask God for more love and passion for Jesus. It forces you to look at how your life is lining up with the words of Christ (and this book is full of them). His basic question is this: are we IN LOVE - passionate, radical, irrational, crazy LOVE - with the King of the universe. I've thought about writing more quotes, but I underlined too many things! I want to say with no reserve that Jesus really is my TREASURE and that there's nothing I wouldn't do in my love for HIM. Not there yet. But I'm in a sweet place of asking Him to cause me to come to that place and telling Him that I surrender as much as I know how to surrender in whatever moment I'm in. I'm daily astounded by my self-absorption and selfishness. But the sweet part of seeing my filth is seeing His beauty. Good night!?! He died - and He lives - to take me out of it! I'm asking to be completely dumbfounded by this truth again (or maybe for the first time?)!! May God deliver all of us from being innoculated against the ludicrous nature of this whole story we're in the middle of!! BTW, I checked out Chan's video blog tonight and it was encouraging. More than one of them made me cry. I esp. liked the one called "The Prayer Americans Won't Pray". He's right - my flesh wants nothing to do with that prayer! :) Check it out at http://francischansblog.blogspot.com/.

Daisy?!!!!

I'm pretty sure I could do some scientific study on how I've lost a large percentage of my brain cells since having children, but why waste time? The fact that I'm even considering what I'm considering right now proves without a shadow of a doubt that at least 73.8% of them have completely disappeared. But let's back up....We live in the "hood", right? I suppose there are some things to fear in our neighborhood, but my #1 fear is the dogs. Lots of stray dogs. Chihuahuas. Rottweilers. German shepherds. Retrievers. Mutt after mutt after mutt who include some combination of the aforementioned. And the infamous hood-dweller, the PIT BULL!

Fast forward to today - I started this post yesterday when I was actually considering taking in this stray mutt (which I'm guessing had some pit in her) because my kids were so in love with her. Our dog, Gracie, who weighs about 12 pounds and is a "designer" mutt, given to my daughter by her Grandma, got out on Sunday and tried to show this large dog who was boss. We were certain she was running to her death, but Daisy (yes, we named her) was actually scared of our vicious lap dog. I couldn't help it, I could see her ribs. Yes, I fed her. She was a little skittish around us for about 30 minutes and then she acted like she belonged to us. Very sweet dog. However, she weighed...well, I don't know how much, but it was a lot. When she got up on her hind legs she put her paws on my chest. She was really cute, but she had large jaws. I bought a lease and collar for her yesterday and she chewed right through the nylon leash. She wouldn't leave my front porch and so every time I went outside I had to keep her out of my house, while trying to get my baby and other kids where they needed to be. She was very strong. In fact, today she finally pushed her way into the house and I almost couldn't get her out. She REALLY liked us. We're just not big dog people - they take more work if you've got young children. But tell that to my sweet kids who kept BEGGING and BEGGING and CRYING and CRYING, trying to convince me that we could train her not to jump and chew, etc. etc. The city pound never showed up to pick her up today after I called and when I called again, they informed me that there were 350+ calls pending! So we took her to the humane society tonight. McKenna went to bed crying. Josiah cried for over an hour. He made me the saddest. He doesn't usually get so emotional about these things. But I'm seeing that he's a boy who wants a big "manly" dog. :) Luke was happy as a lark and wondering why everyone was so distressed. He hates big dogs and she scared him the whole time she was here. Moriah went into these wailing laments several times today as she thought about Daisy leaving. She has always had quite a command over large dogs and really enjoys them - fits her. Sigh. I know we did the right thing, but this mama sure felt like the bad guy tonight. If you're interested, she'll hopefully be up for adoption at the Humane Society on Lancaster within the next week. She has to pass the aggression test for adults, children, and other animals. I could have told them that she passed all those already - we covered all the bases here at the Brown house!

Can somebody please say "STOP IT!"?

I know that I can't deal with many more doses of worldwide "reality" right now, right? So last p.m., my husband takes me on a date for my b'day to Texas de Brazil (he found a 25% coupon! LOL) and we're sitting there remembering our last visit to this restaurant with 20 people from the hood. I still wish I had a video tape of that whole experience. Anyway, he thought we should go see "Slumdog Millionaire". It's a foreign film that was nominated for Academy awards and he knew it was about people in poverty, but he said he'd heard it had a happy ending (which it did, but...). Okay, it was a great movie, but INCREDIBLY sad. It was about these orphans from the slums in India. Too realistic, too hard. I'm done with these movies for a while. I was just mad at God last p.m. Sorry, it's my blog, and I'm just being honest.
So on to another topic. I'm now reading this book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. You know, I realize that it must sound like that all I do is sit around and read all day, but really I don't. I just grab 10 minutes here and there - really I promise. I only sit around reading and eating my bons-bons 3 days a week! :) The chapter I read this a.m. is called "Profile of a Lukewarm Christian." It kicked my you-know-what! Here are a few quotes:
"In the United States, numbers impress us. We gauge the success of an event by how many people attend or come forward. We measure churches by how many members they boast. We are wowed by big crowds.
Jesus questioned the authenticity of this kind of record keeping. According to the account in Luke chapter 8, when a crowd started following Him, Jesus began speaking in parables--"so that" those who weren't genuinely listening wouldn't get it.
When crowds gather today, speakers are extraconscious of communicating in a way that is accessible to everyone. Speakers don't use Jesus' tactic to eliminate people who are not sincere seekers.
The fact is, He just wasn't interested in whose who fake it...."

There's more:
"[after reading a section of the parable of the sower] My caution to you is this: Do not assume you are good soil.
I think most American churchgoers are the soil that chokes the seed because of all the thorns. Thorns are anything that distracts us from God. When we want God and a bunch of other stuff, then that means we have thorns in our soil. A relationship with God simply cannot grow when money, sins, activities, favorite sports teams, addictions, or commitments are piled on top of it.
Most of us have too much in our lives. As David Goetz writes, 'Too much of the good life ends up being toxic, deforming us spiritually.' A lot of things are good by themselves, but all of it together keeps us from living healthy, fruitful lives for God."

"Are you satisfied being 'godly enough' to get yourself to heaven, or to look good in comparison to others? Or can you say with Paul that you 'want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death' (Phil 3:10)?
For a long time this verse had just too much Jesus for me. In my opinion, the verse should have ended after the word resurrection, so I could have an appealing popular Jesus who didn't suffer. The feedback I received from other Christians reassured me that this was a fine perspective, and it gave me little reason to strive to know Christ more deeply. I was told I was good enough, 'godly enough'.
But this went against everything I was reading in the Bible, so I eventually rejected what the majority said and began to compare all aspects of my life to Scripture. I quickly found that the American church is a difficult place to fit in if you want to live out New Testament Christianity. The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the 'radicals' who are 'unbalanced' and 'overboard.' Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering."

Yeah. Convicting and true. If you want to watch something really encouraging go to this guy's website crazylovebook.com and watch the "Awe Factor of God". He IS amazing and His love IS really CRAZY! I'm asking God to awaken me again to the utter strangeness of this story that He's put us in! The rest of this particular chapter is a "list" of what would qualify us as lukewarm along with scripture after scripture of Jesus' words. Being lukewarm is really making me tired. I'm ready to WAKE UP and be FEARLESS!

birthdays and Valentine's Day

These pics are posted in the wrong order, but oh well! This is our family Valentine's Day dinner on our new kitchen table! My parents gave us a longer table for our anniversary and we are SO thankful! I know it's a terrible pic, but fun memories!
Malachi, like all my other children (except Luke), despised getting birthday cake on his fingers. We took the obligatory pictures and then saved him from his misery.

We celebrated Malachi's first birthday with my parents this weekend. Here are my four handsome men! What a blessed woman I am!!

My little guy is not so little anymore! He turned one on Feb 4th.

He was pretty proud of himself for climbing into the dishwasher - such a big helper...

reading

Okay, so I'm caught in this weird place with God right now. I suppose you could say that I grew up in a bit of a "bubble", not really noticing or caring about what was going on with people in my own town or anywhere else in the world. I was really into ME! This was true pretty much all the time until God started changing it when we moved to the Metroplex about 7 1/2 years ago. Slowly, after going to many World Mandate conferences and after being a part of Christ Fellowship, God has begun to open my eyes to people and life and pain and suffering. I read this book called Sold last week and it shook me up. It's a young adult lit book (fiction) about the sex slave trade in India. It was SO sad. At one point I just put it down and wept, asking God to have mercy! The main character is a 12 year old girl and the book is written in the form of short journal-type entries. The author wrote the book after interviewing several girls/women who had been rescued from the slave trade, so it gives a pretty accurate picture of what they go through (I wouldn't recommend this book to any unmarried teenager, by the way). Then Randy and I watched Hotel Rwanda before we went to bed last p.m. (Somehow we missed renting the romantic Valentine's Day flick! ha!). I was overwhelmed. I'm embarrassed to confess that I didn't even really know what had happened with that whole deal until last p.m. and it was only about 15 years ago. One of the most piercing lines in the whole movie occurred when an American reporter had captured footage of some massacres. The Rwandan hotel manager said that surely when he showed this video in America and Europe that someone would come and help. The American replied that unfortunately he thought that they would say how sad it was and go back to eating their dinner. Ugh! Is that not SO true? Injustice. All I have found myself thinking about is the indescribable UNFAIRNESS of it all. Almost ONE MILLION people killed in Rwanda and the world just watched (after making sure that we got all the rich white Europeans and Americans out safely, of course). I'm finding myself wondering what in the world God's heart does when He sees all of this. My husband informed me that similar things are happening right now in Sudan. He is currently reading a book about the Lord's Resistance Army, etc in Uganda called First Kill Your Family. The Mighty Men Ugandan trip this summer is the reason for all this reading. BUT...I had a conversation with a close friend this week and she reminded me that we have to be consumed with Christ, staring at HIM, worshipping HIM, if we're going to get any kind of right perspective on the injustice that's happening all around us. SO! I'm only humbly left with my smallness and the incomprehensible HUGENESS of a sovereign King who has held all the past, present, and future pain of a very broken world in His own heart. Then He rose from the dead. There is hope - and it is only found in Him. I love Him now more than I ever have.

Haiku anyone?

Facebook is too much
Makes me want to take a nap
Call me on the phone.

or this one:

Met in junior high
Haven't talked in nineteen years
You sure I'm your friend?

lighter note?

I could write pages again about injustice and the poor, etc. but I told my husband it was about time for another entertaining haiku to lighten things up a bit - he has failed to come through, so I thought a couple of fun kid stories would do.
Let's start with my baby boy's first birthday. Malachi turned one yesterday! When McKenna turned one, we had just moved to Tyler, TX for residency and knew no one except Randy's sister and her husband. We invited the entire first year class of residents and their spouses over for a hamburger cookout. We figured it was a good way to get to know them? My brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and both sets of grandparents were also there. The theme of the party was watermelons. McKenna wore a cute watermelon dress and I made a lovely cake decorated to look like a watermelon. I also made a Martha Stewart sherbert cake that looked like a watermelon when you cut into it. Yeah...it was CRAZY! Josiah wasn't a lot better. Then came poor Lukey. My grandfather had just passed away and so we were in Midland. I went to the grocery store, bought an Elmo cake and a balloon, and celebrated with McKenna, Josiah, Randy and my parents. Fast forward to yesterday. I was looking at my calendar while Malachi was eating breakfast and saw the words "MALACHI IS ONE!" I gasped and immediately told my sweet baby boy Happy Birthday. Hey, at least I wrote it on my calendar - I would've remembered, eventually! We're actually celebrating his birthday with my parents next weekend, but it is amazing how perspective changes from one child to six! :)
Tonight I was bathing Malachi and Isaac and left Isaac in the tub while I went clear across the house to Malachi's room to dress him. I hear Isaac running through the house calling me. I let him know where I am and he runs in, buck naked, and proudly makes this announcement: "Mom! I just tooted in the bath tub unduh(er) the watuh(er) and it made a sound!" He wasn't done with his bath - just had to let me in on his latest accomplishment.
Back to Malachi. Since I didn't blog on his birthday, I just want to list a few things that I love about him. I love his sweet little smile and how he giggles when I kiss his large belly. I love that he is all BOY and growls, grunts, and hits/throws things. I love his cute little walk and that he has discovered climbing this week! I love how he gets really excited when his Daddy arrives home. I love that he can hang out in his high chair for a ridiculously long time because he's so entertained by all the "goings-on" around him - he's a pretty easy-going baby. I love that he is alive and that God knew we needed him long before I did. I can still remember everything about the night I found out I was pregnant with him. I kept saying "I can't be pregant, I can't be pregnant." The next morning I had a long conversation with Jesus on the porch of my mother-in-law's cottage at the lake house. It was a sweet conversation. I'm so thankful for his life. So is everyone in our family!
It's late, but I'll try and post a couple of Malachi pics tomorrow.

more thoughts on thanksgiving and self-absorption...

Been thinking more about this thanksgiving thing and entering the presence of God.  It's true.  I've been trying to wake up earlier to meet with Him and I'm finding that until I start listing things that I'm thankful for and speaking those things out to Him, I'm pretty distracted and joyless.  His presence is recognized by my soul when I wake it up through praise and thanksgiving.  Reading a really sweet and practical book called From Duty to Delight by Ron Parrish (pastor of Hope in the City Church in Austin).  It's been really helpful.  He gives practical ideas/assignments to experiment with in your prayer life.  They are all ideas that I've probably heard before, but it's good to have someone reminding me of what's true.  Floyd McClung comments in the foreword that if we had a friendship with someone in which we sat quietly with our eyes closed in the same position in the same place at the same time every day we would be bored because it IS boring.  Ron is reminding me that Jesus is here.  He's speaking, he's laughing, he's encouraging, he's confronting, he's touching me, he's is here.  And he is anything but boring.  Here's the problem - I think I need about 4 quiet times a day!!  I'm a big fat mess again just hours after I've filled up on the Living Water!  LOL!  The riches of His grace....

   Okay, here's a sad story.  Friday p.m. I had been over at a friend's house for coffee.  Another friend of mine and I had ridden together and she was bringing me back home about 12:30 a.m.  As she rounded the corner in front of the apartments by our house (she was going slowly, praise the LORD!), she had to swerve to miss hitting the man that was lying, curled up in the middle of the road.  We momentarily panicked and decided to go get Randy.  I had seen the guy moving so I knew he wasn't dead, but my first thought was that he might have been shot/stabbed and that maybe this was potentially dangerous.  As my very sleepy husband got dressed, I asked him what he was going to do if the guy had a gun.  His apathetic and sleepy response?  "I guess he'll shoot me."  Anyway, the guy was gone when we got down there.  We're assuming he was probably drunk and managed to get up to the apartments after realizing he had almost been hit by a car.  But here's what my friend says to me in a very non-critical, matter-of-fact sort of way:  "Your response to this is interesting - I'm wondering what might have happened to this man and you keep wondering if he's going to shoot you...."  Her statement haunted me all night long and the next day as I thought about how my gut response wasn't as much concern for the man as it was concern for me and my husband.  Now before some of you start thinking that I'm being too hard on myself, please realize that this isn't a self-condemnation sort of thing.  It really was the Holy Spirit reminding me for about the umpteenth time this week that He loves people and His goal is to empower me to love them as much as He does.  Anyway, we prayed for him as we went to sleep....Ugh!  Everything is so broken.  BUT, He is stronger!  

ice!

Nothing like ice in Texas when the whole city shuts down! People in the north must really get a kick out of us! School was cancelled on Tuesday and Wednesday this week because of the ice storm so our kids took advantage of their own personal skating rink (with lots of steep hills) on Wed a.m.! They had a blast!
This cute little guy has officially started walking (yesterday)!
Moriah sucking on an icicle!

Yes, that's my husband leaping onto a piece of cardboard sliding down the hill across the street!

Randy pushed the kids down the middle of the street on their homemade "sleds."

Solid ice - that's not snow!

Moriah Grace is Five!

Daddy giving her a beautiful dress for her to wear at her party!

Lily Guild and Moriah - these two are still a hoot together!

McKenna and her friend, Eden, did a little "spa" time for their little sisters!

my sweet five-year-old!

yes, we're still alive!

Tod leading everyone in an abridged Passover meal.

Alphonzo, Corey, and Dinsdale displayed their manly Mighty Men-ness by jumping in the lake! Dinsdale said he wasn't even cold...

Samadge reading his Bible out loud...

Aunt Trisha teaching! I love the way God uses her!

Well, it's been awhile. I, for one, stop reading other people's blogs when they go for weeks with no entries! So I may be writing this for myself and no one else! :) I figured out the other day that we have travelled out of town five times since Thanksgiving and I'm rather tired of packing/unpacking for all eight of us! We had the Mighty Men Bible retreat out at the lake house a couple of weeks ago - it was a bit draining. It's good that I'm writing about it now because my words probably would've been very me and NOT Jesus when I returned home a week ago Monday! We have one kid who is on meds for various issues and he "forgot" his medicine. We had to isolate him from the other boys most of the weekend and all the adults were about ready to go throw his sweet little disrespectful, lying, disobedient hiney in the lake by the second day (all except Aunt Trisha who had received an amazing amount of grace to love him patiently all weekend!)! This was stressful. On the trip home in the Mighty Man Van, this boy's brother punched another MM in the face three times because he spit on him. My husband literally put the wheel of the car in the hands of our Op Camp director, turned around, and yelled at them for I don't know how long. We agreed later that perhaps this was not done perfectly in the spirit of Christ...ha! But to top it all off, the boys' mama was waiting for us when we got home to not-so-tactfully tell us that all the problems that had occurred were our fault. She actually accused my husband of not loving her boys, etc. and said they would never be back. (they were back yesterday). The truth is, once we got over being amazingly angry and frustrated, we really were filled with a lot of love for this family (who is extremely wounded) and we have been praying more than ever for salvation, deliverance, etc. God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love. Really. We are no better off than they are, except that merciful Father has led us to the foot of His throne a little sooner. It's going to be a cool day when they are there with us! There's nothing like a hard-to-love person to really bring you to your knees and remind you that you are absolutely pitiful without Jesus! More on that in a minute...The COOL thing about the retreat was that God did incredible things! Randy's oldest brother, Tod, came out on Saturday and led the boys in a little campfire "chat" that night. For the first time in two years, they shared with each other what was going on in their hearts. There were LOTS of tears and lots of joy. They finally are beginning to feel "safe"with each other. And Aunt Trisha did a phenomenal job of walking them through the Bible over the weekend. I think most of them could at least give you a better summary of God's story than they could before they came! :)

The weekend after the retreat, we made our way to Waco for our seventh year of World Mandate at Antioch Community Church. McKenna and Josiah, Byron and Corey (MM) went with us, so we had a bit of a break from taking care of our younger kids. There are no words to describe what this conference does for our thirsty and weary souls every year. Before I went I kept getting this picture of a thick layer of soil that was hard as a rock. Underneath the soil were all these emotions (mostly tears and crying out to God) that I couldn't seem to reach. Friday night worship/teaching were good, but I still knew that I hadn't deeply connected with Jesus and I had to come to the place where I said, "Okay, I can't get there in my flesh. If You want me to 'get anywhere' this weekend, You have to do it." Saturday, I saw what the hard soil was when the speaker was sharing his testimony that p.m. - it was clearly pride. That p.m. God told Randy that he was a "nobody." It was so FREEING!! This is yucky, true confessions here on the old blog, but the truth is that we have started thinking that maybe we're kind of cool and that we have some great ideas, etc. here in the hood. We hear all the time about how wonderful we are because of "what we're doing". WHATEVER!! When you're in an environment like World Mandate hearing story after story from people who are REALLY going for Jesus, it's a bit humbling! For example, there were these two ladies who are from Iran. They are older and have been going all over the place for many years sharing the gospel in "impossible" places. One time they heard of a Muslim village that was completely closed and anyone trying to enter to share the gospel would be killed. So they knew that they must go there. They went with their pastor and as they approached the village in their car, they were met by 10 guys all armed with machine guns. The pastor got out and told them that he needed to enter the village. They said "no" and he said that he must go in and give them a message. The guards asked what his message was, so he happily told them. As Mali and Vaji (the 2 ladies) watched from the car, all 10 men put down their machine guns and raised their hands to heaven, worshipping!! They got to enter and the entire village crammed in to a building to hear the gospel of Jesus! In another session this weekend, someone asked them about America. One of the women said that she was praying one day for America and God said that revival was coming. She told God that she didn't believe Him. His response? "It doesn't matter whether you believe Me or not, it's still going to happen." She repented and fasted for 40 days. No, I'm not kidding. I have not been in the presence of many who are so obviously filled with the joy of Christ and who walk in a humility that I've never even touched! Randy looked at me with tears in his eyes during one of their stories and said to me, "Who do you think is richer - her or me?" They have almost nothing materially. I dream of touching the heart of God in the way that I've witnessed in these women. There is a huge cost to that kind of intimacy. We are longing for it more than ever and realizing that it starts with a lot of prayer. God has been showing us how much we've been attempting in our own strength and power. It hasn't, and never will, go very far. God reminded us that we really are NOTHING and as long as we remember that, He can do mighty things! ALL that to say, that Saturday night worship was indescribable! It's been a long time since I felt that joyful and free in worship. Something broke (pride). I couldn't stop smiling and looking at Him. And as I looked around a colliseum with around 3000 people dancing and singing their hearts out at the end of the night (including my children and Byron and Corey), I knew that we had tasted heaven for just a few seconds. THAT was reality - we just don't live in it very often.

I could write forever about all that God spoke to our hearts over the weekend, but I won't. What else has been going on? Moriah turned FIVE! We have had amazing breakthough with her and have been enjoying great peace in our family over the past month. This is a direct answer to prayer! Thanks to all of you who have lifted her and us up to the one who restores! Malachi is almost walking and will turn ONE next week! Wow! Time flies.... Our friends, the Connallys will be here in about four more months! And the guys are getting ready for the Uganda trip in June. There are a LOT of other things going on , but I'm going to wrap up this eternal post. Summary? A sweet season of realizing that NOTHING is impossible with God and very little IS possible without Him. I LOVE the riches of His grace!

I ask again, "How old am I?"

Here's a great kid quote:

Tonight at dinner Randy and I are talking about a movie that was made in 1983.  I told them that I was only 10 years old when it was made.  Josiah pipes up and says, "So, it's in black and white?"  He wasn't joking.  Randy got a GREAT laugh out of that one and says, "Mom's not that old."

Christmas with the Browns

Uncle Cary and Isaac really get a kick out of each other! :)

Christmas with the Brown Family is always quite entertaining - never a dull moment! This year we had 4 dogs (2 of them 12-week-old puppies), 22 cousins, and 14 adults - and that's just the immediate family! Some of the coolest gifts were Uncle Alan's baseball bats that he made himself for all the boys. They are made of ash wood and have the names burned on them with a wood burning tool. Very special! Sorry, I don't have a pic of one right now. Cousin Alex got a sweet little teddy bear puppy and she was adorable! And the MOST entertaining part of the whole weekend was Randy's surgery on his oldest brother Tod - on the kitchen countertop. I haven't posted any of the gory pictures - actually, I wasn't taking that many pictures - but we all agreed that this was NOT what most families do when they get together for Christmas! Tod had a lipoma (just a harmless little tumor thing) in his neck and Randy borrowed some medical tools from an old highschool/college buddy and removed it - right there in his mom's kitchen. One of my nieces who really enjoys science and wants to be a doctor took the tumor home preserved in a small jar. There were several cameras and my daughter was video taping the whole thing. Yes, we're weird. But at least no one can say we're boring...

Grandma preparing the prime rib - that's a LOT of meat!

My sweet niece, Abby Claire.

All the kids preparing to watch Uncle Tod and Uncle Randy!

The surgery went well and Tod doesn't have a lump in his neck anymore!

Happy 2009!

Happy New Year! We're actually still awake at 1 a.m. Sad to say that we (my husband at the moment) are working on the Brown family Xmas gifts. We get with his family this weekend. Ha! Malachi was up screaming with us for a while so RB had to take over this project. Have I mentioned that I have a great husband? (By the way, we had a great anniversary celebration last p.m.! My sweet Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Barbara offered to keep our kids at their house in Arlington while we went out! We came back to our house, cooked steak and creme brulee, and watched a movie! Dinner together in our QUIET house - this was a gift. And our kids had a blast with their great uncle and aunt! They LOVED it and I really felt like my aunt truly enjoyed being with my kids - this was a huge gift to me. My children can't wait to go back!)

We celebrated tonight with our friends, the Gravitts and the Butlers. It was lots of fun to just hang out together out of the context of Op Camp or Mighty Men. Our boys love the Gravitt boys and they had a sweaty Wii-fest and watched "Man vs. Wild" all night.

Here's a simple, but profound, revelation that the Lord showed me this week as I enter a new year. One of my "resolutions" (Randy and I have decided that we don't like this word) for 2009 is that I would become a woman of prayer. I started reading Graham Cooke's book Crafted Prayer again the other day. Here are some quotes that I've been pondering:

"We should not be using prayer to find God - that is what thanksgiving is for. The Bible is clear - it is not with prayer that we enter His gates, but with thanksgiving."

"We can thank God first, in every situation, because every problem we encounter comes with His provision attached to it....Our heart may be all over the place, but there is a central place of truth where we gather - in the goodness of God."

His point is that we often come up against something and immediately start praying what we think should happen, etc. instead of entering the presence of God with thanksgiving and waiting on the voice of God to see how He wants us to pray. Cooke says, "We need to plan to enter God's presence with our thanksgiving, not our prayer: Thank You, Lord. I don't know how You're going to work this thing out, but I know You will. I praise You. I worship You. And once we've come into His presence, we need to be still and listen to the heart of God."

Anyway, just been thinking a lot about how gratitude prepares the way for God to speak and move. Stillness. This is a TOUGH one for me. But one thing I read in my Karen Mains book was that she learned a long time ago to shut up and just sit with the Lord. This is what I want to learn this year. I want to drown in Scripture and hear what He's saying from moment to moment. I long for my spirit to be quiet enough to HEAR. Really tired of trying to function in my flesh! Verse that I was meditating on this a.m.: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Cooke points out that when we are hidden in God, the enemy cannot find us. Yeah! I love my Warrior King!