blogging apathy

I've heard that people stop reading your blog if you go too long without posting, so I'll probably have no one reading this! I don't know why I haven't felt like writing lately - maybe it's that thing that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all? I confess that I've had more encouraging seasons of life - sort of in survival mode right now. This pregnancy has been a whip so far - really tired and really gaggy and nauseous most of the day. But if I complain (which, don't get me wrong, I do often), I can just hear people thinking "Well, didn't they decide to throw birth control away? They got themselves into this!" People probably aren't thinking that, but when you're hormonal you think all sorts of ridiculous things. I remember Beth Moore teaching about God's will one time and that we tend to think that if it's in the will of God then it will be easy. That's a lie. God never said that. So while I'm 100% confident that God has called us to have a large family, etc., I must also acknowledge that it's HARD! One of my good friends was recently telling me that she realized one day that she didn't have to make a choice about whether she viewed her kids as a "blessing" or a "burden." The truth is that they are both! This is SO true! They are a tremendous blessing and they are a burden (in a good, weighty sort of way) that we will carry until the day we die. That's why I feel out of breath so often. The nice thing about this trying season is that I find myself desperate for God once again. I simply cannot do this. I cannot be everything my children need. I am a mess. Prayer and Jesus are their only hope!! Maybe when I'm 80 I'll feel like I've "got it all together"...no, probably not. I'll just have 50 grandkids running around my house then!!

Isaac just yelled that Malachi is once again playing in the toilet. Sigh. I'll write more about that guy later - he might just do me in!!