John Piper on prayer

A friend of ours had this quote on his blog:

Piper on Prayer
John Piper:
"But the hard truth is that most Christians don’t pray very much. They pray at meals—unless they’re still stuck in the adolescent stage of calling good habits legalism. They whisper prayers before tough meetings. They say something brief as they crawl into bed. But very few set aside set times to pray alone—and fewer still think it is worth it to meet with others to pray. And we wonder why our faith is weak. And our hope is feeble. And our passion for Christ is small.
And meanwhile the devil is whispering all over this room: “The pastor is getting legalistic now. He’s starting to use guilt now. He’s getting out the law now.” To which I say, “To hell with the devil and all of his destructive lies. Be free!” Is it true that intentional, regular, disciplined, earnest, Christ-dependent, God-glorifying, joyful prayer is a duty? … Is it a discipline?
You can call it that.
* It’s a duty the way it’s the duty of a scuba diver to put on his air tank before he goes underwater.
* It’s a duty the way pilots listen to air traffic controllers.
* It’s a duty the way soldiers in combat clean their rifles and load their guns.
* It’s a duty the way hungry people eat food.
* It’s a duty the way thirsty people drink water.
* It’s a duty the way a deaf man puts in his hearing aid.
* It’s a duty the way a diabetic takes his insulin.
* It’s a duty the way Pooh Bear looks for honey.
* It’s a duty the way pirates look for gold.
I hate the devil, and the way he is killing some of you by persuading you it is legalistic to be as regular in your prayers as you are in your eating and sleeping and Internet use. Do you not see what a sucker he his making out of you? He is laughing up his sleeve at how easy it is to deceive Christians about the importance of prayer.
God has given us means of grace. If we do not use them to their fullest advantage, our complaints against him will not stick. If we don’t eat, we starve. If we don’t drink, we get dehydrated. If we don’t exercise a muscle, it atrophies. If we don’t breathe, we suffocate. And just as there are physical means of life, there spiritual are means of grace. Resist the lies of the devil in 2009, and get a bigger breakthrough in prayer than you’ve ever had."

sermon - "Is suffering optional?"

Just listened to this sermon by Francis Chan - he is a prophetic voice in America right now. Hard to listen to, but I don't think there is any denying that he's right. I don't want him to be right!!! Funky time right now of God answering a prayer to give me an undivided heart. Ugh! Do I really want Him to?? Here's the link: http://www.cornerstonesimi.com/. Click on the sermon "Is suffering optional?"

My new favorite book

Okay,I just looked online at pics of Rottweilers, Pit Bulls, and Boxers and Daisy was definitely predominantly Rottweiler and probably some retriever mix. Her face was a Rott and not a pit. Somehow, this just makes me feel better because I think it will increase her chance of being adopted. I'm sure I'm going to get over this dog thing soon! LOL!

Anyway, my latest book recommendation is Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I know I already mentioned it, but now I've finished it and it's REALLY good. I wouldn't say that it's a "feel-good-and-be-content-to-stay-where-you-are-with-the-Lord" kind of book, but it so encouraged me to ask God for more love and passion for Jesus. It forces you to look at how your life is lining up with the words of Christ (and this book is full of them). His basic question is this: are we IN LOVE - passionate, radical, irrational, crazy LOVE - with the King of the universe. I've thought about writing more quotes, but I underlined too many things! I want to say with no reserve that Jesus really is my TREASURE and that there's nothing I wouldn't do in my love for HIM. Not there yet. But I'm in a sweet place of asking Him to cause me to come to that place and telling Him that I surrender as much as I know how to surrender in whatever moment I'm in. I'm daily astounded by my self-absorption and selfishness. But the sweet part of seeing my filth is seeing His beauty. Good night!?! He died - and He lives - to take me out of it! I'm asking to be completely dumbfounded by this truth again (or maybe for the first time?)!! May God deliver all of us from being innoculated against the ludicrous nature of this whole story we're in the middle of!! BTW, I checked out Chan's video blog tonight and it was encouraging. More than one of them made me cry. I esp. liked the one called "The Prayer Americans Won't Pray". He's right - my flesh wants nothing to do with that prayer! :) Check it out at http://francischansblog.blogspot.com/.

Daisy?!!!!

I'm pretty sure I could do some scientific study on how I've lost a large percentage of my brain cells since having children, but why waste time? The fact that I'm even considering what I'm considering right now proves without a shadow of a doubt that at least 73.8% of them have completely disappeared. But let's back up....We live in the "hood", right? I suppose there are some things to fear in our neighborhood, but my #1 fear is the dogs. Lots of stray dogs. Chihuahuas. Rottweilers. German shepherds. Retrievers. Mutt after mutt after mutt who include some combination of the aforementioned. And the infamous hood-dweller, the PIT BULL!

Fast forward to today - I started this post yesterday when I was actually considering taking in this stray mutt (which I'm guessing had some pit in her) because my kids were so in love with her. Our dog, Gracie, who weighs about 12 pounds and is a "designer" mutt, given to my daughter by her Grandma, got out on Sunday and tried to show this large dog who was boss. We were certain she was running to her death, but Daisy (yes, we named her) was actually scared of our vicious lap dog. I couldn't help it, I could see her ribs. Yes, I fed her. She was a little skittish around us for about 30 minutes and then she acted like she belonged to us. Very sweet dog. However, she weighed...well, I don't know how much, but it was a lot. When she got up on her hind legs she put her paws on my chest. She was really cute, but she had large jaws. I bought a lease and collar for her yesterday and she chewed right through the nylon leash. She wouldn't leave my front porch and so every time I went outside I had to keep her out of my house, while trying to get my baby and other kids where they needed to be. She was very strong. In fact, today she finally pushed her way into the house and I almost couldn't get her out. She REALLY liked us. We're just not big dog people - they take more work if you've got young children. But tell that to my sweet kids who kept BEGGING and BEGGING and CRYING and CRYING, trying to convince me that we could train her not to jump and chew, etc. etc. The city pound never showed up to pick her up today after I called and when I called again, they informed me that there were 350+ calls pending! So we took her to the humane society tonight. McKenna went to bed crying. Josiah cried for over an hour. He made me the saddest. He doesn't usually get so emotional about these things. But I'm seeing that he's a boy who wants a big "manly" dog. :) Luke was happy as a lark and wondering why everyone was so distressed. He hates big dogs and she scared him the whole time she was here. Moriah went into these wailing laments several times today as she thought about Daisy leaving. She has always had quite a command over large dogs and really enjoys them - fits her. Sigh. I know we did the right thing, but this mama sure felt like the bad guy tonight. If you're interested, she'll hopefully be up for adoption at the Humane Society on Lancaster within the next week. She has to pass the aggression test for adults, children, and other animals. I could have told them that she passed all those already - we covered all the bases here at the Brown house!

Can somebody please say "STOP IT!"?

I know that I can't deal with many more doses of worldwide "reality" right now, right? So last p.m., my husband takes me on a date for my b'day to Texas de Brazil (he found a 25% coupon! LOL) and we're sitting there remembering our last visit to this restaurant with 20 people from the hood. I still wish I had a video tape of that whole experience. Anyway, he thought we should go see "Slumdog Millionaire". It's a foreign film that was nominated for Academy awards and he knew it was about people in poverty, but he said he'd heard it had a happy ending (which it did, but...). Okay, it was a great movie, but INCREDIBLY sad. It was about these orphans from the slums in India. Too realistic, too hard. I'm done with these movies for a while. I was just mad at God last p.m. Sorry, it's my blog, and I'm just being honest.
So on to another topic. I'm now reading this book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. You know, I realize that it must sound like that all I do is sit around and read all day, but really I don't. I just grab 10 minutes here and there - really I promise. I only sit around reading and eating my bons-bons 3 days a week! :) The chapter I read this a.m. is called "Profile of a Lukewarm Christian." It kicked my you-know-what! Here are a few quotes:
"In the United States, numbers impress us. We gauge the success of an event by how many people attend or come forward. We measure churches by how many members they boast. We are wowed by big crowds.
Jesus questioned the authenticity of this kind of record keeping. According to the account in Luke chapter 8, when a crowd started following Him, Jesus began speaking in parables--"so that" those who weren't genuinely listening wouldn't get it.
When crowds gather today, speakers are extraconscious of communicating in a way that is accessible to everyone. Speakers don't use Jesus' tactic to eliminate people who are not sincere seekers.
The fact is, He just wasn't interested in whose who fake it...."

There's more:
"[after reading a section of the parable of the sower] My caution to you is this: Do not assume you are good soil.
I think most American churchgoers are the soil that chokes the seed because of all the thorns. Thorns are anything that distracts us from God. When we want God and a bunch of other stuff, then that means we have thorns in our soil. A relationship with God simply cannot grow when money, sins, activities, favorite sports teams, addictions, or commitments are piled on top of it.
Most of us have too much in our lives. As David Goetz writes, 'Too much of the good life ends up being toxic, deforming us spiritually.' A lot of things are good by themselves, but all of it together keeps us from living healthy, fruitful lives for God."

"Are you satisfied being 'godly enough' to get yourself to heaven, or to look good in comparison to others? Or can you say with Paul that you 'want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death' (Phil 3:10)?
For a long time this verse had just too much Jesus for me. In my opinion, the verse should have ended after the word resurrection, so I could have an appealing popular Jesus who didn't suffer. The feedback I received from other Christians reassured me that this was a fine perspective, and it gave me little reason to strive to know Christ more deeply. I was told I was good enough, 'godly enough'.
But this went against everything I was reading in the Bible, so I eventually rejected what the majority said and began to compare all aspects of my life to Scripture. I quickly found that the American church is a difficult place to fit in if you want to live out New Testament Christianity. The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the 'radicals' who are 'unbalanced' and 'overboard.' Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering."

Yeah. Convicting and true. If you want to watch something really encouraging go to this guy's website crazylovebook.com and watch the "Awe Factor of God". He IS amazing and His love IS really CRAZY! I'm asking God to awaken me again to the utter strangeness of this story that He's put us in! The rest of this particular chapter is a "list" of what would qualify us as lukewarm along with scripture after scripture of Jesus' words. Being lukewarm is really making me tired. I'm ready to WAKE UP and be FEARLESS!

birthdays and Valentine's Day

These pics are posted in the wrong order, but oh well! This is our family Valentine's Day dinner on our new kitchen table! My parents gave us a longer table for our anniversary and we are SO thankful! I know it's a terrible pic, but fun memories!
Malachi, like all my other children (except Luke), despised getting birthday cake on his fingers. We took the obligatory pictures and then saved him from his misery.

We celebrated Malachi's first birthday with my parents this weekend. Here are my four handsome men! What a blessed woman I am!!

My little guy is not so little anymore! He turned one on Feb 4th.

He was pretty proud of himself for climbing into the dishwasher - such a big helper...

reading

Okay, so I'm caught in this weird place with God right now. I suppose you could say that I grew up in a bit of a "bubble", not really noticing or caring about what was going on with people in my own town or anywhere else in the world. I was really into ME! This was true pretty much all the time until God started changing it when we moved to the Metroplex about 7 1/2 years ago. Slowly, after going to many World Mandate conferences and after being a part of Christ Fellowship, God has begun to open my eyes to people and life and pain and suffering. I read this book called Sold last week and it shook me up. It's a young adult lit book (fiction) about the sex slave trade in India. It was SO sad. At one point I just put it down and wept, asking God to have mercy! The main character is a 12 year old girl and the book is written in the form of short journal-type entries. The author wrote the book after interviewing several girls/women who had been rescued from the slave trade, so it gives a pretty accurate picture of what they go through (I wouldn't recommend this book to any unmarried teenager, by the way). Then Randy and I watched Hotel Rwanda before we went to bed last p.m. (Somehow we missed renting the romantic Valentine's Day flick! ha!). I was overwhelmed. I'm embarrassed to confess that I didn't even really know what had happened with that whole deal until last p.m. and it was only about 15 years ago. One of the most piercing lines in the whole movie occurred when an American reporter had captured footage of some massacres. The Rwandan hotel manager said that surely when he showed this video in America and Europe that someone would come and help. The American replied that unfortunately he thought that they would say how sad it was and go back to eating their dinner. Ugh! Is that not SO true? Injustice. All I have found myself thinking about is the indescribable UNFAIRNESS of it all. Almost ONE MILLION people killed in Rwanda and the world just watched (after making sure that we got all the rich white Europeans and Americans out safely, of course). I'm finding myself wondering what in the world God's heart does when He sees all of this. My husband informed me that similar things are happening right now in Sudan. He is currently reading a book about the Lord's Resistance Army, etc in Uganda called First Kill Your Family. The Mighty Men Ugandan trip this summer is the reason for all this reading. BUT...I had a conversation with a close friend this week and she reminded me that we have to be consumed with Christ, staring at HIM, worshipping HIM, if we're going to get any kind of right perspective on the injustice that's happening all around us. SO! I'm only humbly left with my smallness and the incomprehensible HUGENESS of a sovereign King who has held all the past, present, and future pain of a very broken world in His own heart. Then He rose from the dead. There is hope - and it is only found in Him. I love Him now more than I ever have.

Haiku anyone?

Facebook is too much
Makes me want to take a nap
Call me on the phone.

or this one:

Met in junior high
Haven't talked in nineteen years
You sure I'm your friend?

lighter note?

I could write pages again about injustice and the poor, etc. but I told my husband it was about time for another entertaining haiku to lighten things up a bit - he has failed to come through, so I thought a couple of fun kid stories would do.
Let's start with my baby boy's first birthday. Malachi turned one yesterday! When McKenna turned one, we had just moved to Tyler, TX for residency and knew no one except Randy's sister and her husband. We invited the entire first year class of residents and their spouses over for a hamburger cookout. We figured it was a good way to get to know them? My brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and both sets of grandparents were also there. The theme of the party was watermelons. McKenna wore a cute watermelon dress and I made a lovely cake decorated to look like a watermelon. I also made a Martha Stewart sherbert cake that looked like a watermelon when you cut into it. Yeah...it was CRAZY! Josiah wasn't a lot better. Then came poor Lukey. My grandfather had just passed away and so we were in Midland. I went to the grocery store, bought an Elmo cake and a balloon, and celebrated with McKenna, Josiah, Randy and my parents. Fast forward to yesterday. I was looking at my calendar while Malachi was eating breakfast and saw the words "MALACHI IS ONE!" I gasped and immediately told my sweet baby boy Happy Birthday. Hey, at least I wrote it on my calendar - I would've remembered, eventually! We're actually celebrating his birthday with my parents next weekend, but it is amazing how perspective changes from one child to six! :)
Tonight I was bathing Malachi and Isaac and left Isaac in the tub while I went clear across the house to Malachi's room to dress him. I hear Isaac running through the house calling me. I let him know where I am and he runs in, buck naked, and proudly makes this announcement: "Mom! I just tooted in the bath tub unduh(er) the watuh(er) and it made a sound!" He wasn't done with his bath - just had to let me in on his latest accomplishment.
Back to Malachi. Since I didn't blog on his birthday, I just want to list a few things that I love about him. I love his sweet little smile and how he giggles when I kiss his large belly. I love that he is all BOY and growls, grunts, and hits/throws things. I love his cute little walk and that he has discovered climbing this week! I love how he gets really excited when his Daddy arrives home. I love that he can hang out in his high chair for a ridiculously long time because he's so entertained by all the "goings-on" around him - he's a pretty easy-going baby. I love that he is alive and that God knew we needed him long before I did. I can still remember everything about the night I found out I was pregnant with him. I kept saying "I can't be pregant, I can't be pregnant." The next morning I had a long conversation with Jesus on the porch of my mother-in-law's cottage at the lake house. It was a sweet conversation. I'm so thankful for his life. So is everyone in our family!
It's late, but I'll try and post a couple of Malachi pics tomorrow.

more thoughts on thanksgiving and self-absorption...

Been thinking more about this thanksgiving thing and entering the presence of God.  It's true.  I've been trying to wake up earlier to meet with Him and I'm finding that until I start listing things that I'm thankful for and speaking those things out to Him, I'm pretty distracted and joyless.  His presence is recognized by my soul when I wake it up through praise and thanksgiving.  Reading a really sweet and practical book called From Duty to Delight by Ron Parrish (pastor of Hope in the City Church in Austin).  It's been really helpful.  He gives practical ideas/assignments to experiment with in your prayer life.  They are all ideas that I've probably heard before, but it's good to have someone reminding me of what's true.  Floyd McClung comments in the foreword that if we had a friendship with someone in which we sat quietly with our eyes closed in the same position in the same place at the same time every day we would be bored because it IS boring.  Ron is reminding me that Jesus is here.  He's speaking, he's laughing, he's encouraging, he's confronting, he's touching me, he's is here.  And he is anything but boring.  Here's the problem - I think I need about 4 quiet times a day!!  I'm a big fat mess again just hours after I've filled up on the Living Water!  LOL!  The riches of His grace....

   Okay, here's a sad story.  Friday p.m. I had been over at a friend's house for coffee.  Another friend of mine and I had ridden together and she was bringing me back home about 12:30 a.m.  As she rounded the corner in front of the apartments by our house (she was going slowly, praise the LORD!), she had to swerve to miss hitting the man that was lying, curled up in the middle of the road.  We momentarily panicked and decided to go get Randy.  I had seen the guy moving so I knew he wasn't dead, but my first thought was that he might have been shot/stabbed and that maybe this was potentially dangerous.  As my very sleepy husband got dressed, I asked him what he was going to do if the guy had a gun.  His apathetic and sleepy response?  "I guess he'll shoot me."  Anyway, the guy was gone when we got down there.  We're assuming he was probably drunk and managed to get up to the apartments after realizing he had almost been hit by a car.  But here's what my friend says to me in a very non-critical, matter-of-fact sort of way:  "Your response to this is interesting - I'm wondering what might have happened to this man and you keep wondering if he's going to shoot you...."  Her statement haunted me all night long and the next day as I thought about how my gut response wasn't as much concern for the man as it was concern for me and my husband.  Now before some of you start thinking that I'm being too hard on myself, please realize that this isn't a self-condemnation sort of thing.  It really was the Holy Spirit reminding me for about the umpteenth time this week that He loves people and His goal is to empower me to love them as much as He does.  Anyway, we prayed for him as we went to sleep....Ugh!  Everything is so broken.  BUT, He is stronger!  

ice!

Nothing like ice in Texas when the whole city shuts down! People in the north must really get a kick out of us! School was cancelled on Tuesday and Wednesday this week because of the ice storm so our kids took advantage of their own personal skating rink (with lots of steep hills) on Wed a.m.! They had a blast!
This cute little guy has officially started walking (yesterday)!
Moriah sucking on an icicle!

Yes, that's my husband leaping onto a piece of cardboard sliding down the hill across the street!

Randy pushed the kids down the middle of the street on their homemade "sleds."

Solid ice - that's not snow!

Moriah Grace is Five!

Daddy giving her a beautiful dress for her to wear at her party!

Lily Guild and Moriah - these two are still a hoot together!

McKenna and her friend, Eden, did a little "spa" time for their little sisters!

my sweet five-year-old!

yes, we're still alive!

Tod leading everyone in an abridged Passover meal.

Alphonzo, Corey, and Dinsdale displayed their manly Mighty Men-ness by jumping in the lake! Dinsdale said he wasn't even cold...

Samadge reading his Bible out loud...

Aunt Trisha teaching! I love the way God uses her!

Well, it's been awhile. I, for one, stop reading other people's blogs when they go for weeks with no entries! So I may be writing this for myself and no one else! :) I figured out the other day that we have travelled out of town five times since Thanksgiving and I'm rather tired of packing/unpacking for all eight of us! We had the Mighty Men Bible retreat out at the lake house a couple of weeks ago - it was a bit draining. It's good that I'm writing about it now because my words probably would've been very me and NOT Jesus when I returned home a week ago Monday! We have one kid who is on meds for various issues and he "forgot" his medicine. We had to isolate him from the other boys most of the weekend and all the adults were about ready to go throw his sweet little disrespectful, lying, disobedient hiney in the lake by the second day (all except Aunt Trisha who had received an amazing amount of grace to love him patiently all weekend!)! This was stressful. On the trip home in the Mighty Man Van, this boy's brother punched another MM in the face three times because he spit on him. My husband literally put the wheel of the car in the hands of our Op Camp director, turned around, and yelled at them for I don't know how long. We agreed later that perhaps this was not done perfectly in the spirit of Christ...ha! But to top it all off, the boys' mama was waiting for us when we got home to not-so-tactfully tell us that all the problems that had occurred were our fault. She actually accused my husband of not loving her boys, etc. and said they would never be back. (they were back yesterday). The truth is, once we got over being amazingly angry and frustrated, we really were filled with a lot of love for this family (who is extremely wounded) and we have been praying more than ever for salvation, deliverance, etc. God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love. Really. We are no better off than they are, except that merciful Father has led us to the foot of His throne a little sooner. It's going to be a cool day when they are there with us! There's nothing like a hard-to-love person to really bring you to your knees and remind you that you are absolutely pitiful without Jesus! More on that in a minute...The COOL thing about the retreat was that God did incredible things! Randy's oldest brother, Tod, came out on Saturday and led the boys in a little campfire "chat" that night. For the first time in two years, they shared with each other what was going on in their hearts. There were LOTS of tears and lots of joy. They finally are beginning to feel "safe"with each other. And Aunt Trisha did a phenomenal job of walking them through the Bible over the weekend. I think most of them could at least give you a better summary of God's story than they could before they came! :)

The weekend after the retreat, we made our way to Waco for our seventh year of World Mandate at Antioch Community Church. McKenna and Josiah, Byron and Corey (MM) went with us, so we had a bit of a break from taking care of our younger kids. There are no words to describe what this conference does for our thirsty and weary souls every year. Before I went I kept getting this picture of a thick layer of soil that was hard as a rock. Underneath the soil were all these emotions (mostly tears and crying out to God) that I couldn't seem to reach. Friday night worship/teaching were good, but I still knew that I hadn't deeply connected with Jesus and I had to come to the place where I said, "Okay, I can't get there in my flesh. If You want me to 'get anywhere' this weekend, You have to do it." Saturday, I saw what the hard soil was when the speaker was sharing his testimony that p.m. - it was clearly pride. That p.m. God told Randy that he was a "nobody." It was so FREEING!! This is yucky, true confessions here on the old blog, but the truth is that we have started thinking that maybe we're kind of cool and that we have some great ideas, etc. here in the hood. We hear all the time about how wonderful we are because of "what we're doing". WHATEVER!! When you're in an environment like World Mandate hearing story after story from people who are REALLY going for Jesus, it's a bit humbling! For example, there were these two ladies who are from Iran. They are older and have been going all over the place for many years sharing the gospel in "impossible" places. One time they heard of a Muslim village that was completely closed and anyone trying to enter to share the gospel would be killed. So they knew that they must go there. They went with their pastor and as they approached the village in their car, they were met by 10 guys all armed with machine guns. The pastor got out and told them that he needed to enter the village. They said "no" and he said that he must go in and give them a message. The guards asked what his message was, so he happily told them. As Mali and Vaji (the 2 ladies) watched from the car, all 10 men put down their machine guns and raised their hands to heaven, worshipping!! They got to enter and the entire village crammed in to a building to hear the gospel of Jesus! In another session this weekend, someone asked them about America. One of the women said that she was praying one day for America and God said that revival was coming. She told God that she didn't believe Him. His response? "It doesn't matter whether you believe Me or not, it's still going to happen." She repented and fasted for 40 days. No, I'm not kidding. I have not been in the presence of many who are so obviously filled with the joy of Christ and who walk in a humility that I've never even touched! Randy looked at me with tears in his eyes during one of their stories and said to me, "Who do you think is richer - her or me?" They have almost nothing materially. I dream of touching the heart of God in the way that I've witnessed in these women. There is a huge cost to that kind of intimacy. We are longing for it more than ever and realizing that it starts with a lot of prayer. God has been showing us how much we've been attempting in our own strength and power. It hasn't, and never will, go very far. God reminded us that we really are NOTHING and as long as we remember that, He can do mighty things! ALL that to say, that Saturday night worship was indescribable! It's been a long time since I felt that joyful and free in worship. Something broke (pride). I couldn't stop smiling and looking at Him. And as I looked around a colliseum with around 3000 people dancing and singing their hearts out at the end of the night (including my children and Byron and Corey), I knew that we had tasted heaven for just a few seconds. THAT was reality - we just don't live in it very often.

I could write forever about all that God spoke to our hearts over the weekend, but I won't. What else has been going on? Moriah turned FIVE! We have had amazing breakthough with her and have been enjoying great peace in our family over the past month. This is a direct answer to prayer! Thanks to all of you who have lifted her and us up to the one who restores! Malachi is almost walking and will turn ONE next week! Wow! Time flies.... Our friends, the Connallys will be here in about four more months! And the guys are getting ready for the Uganda trip in June. There are a LOT of other things going on , but I'm going to wrap up this eternal post. Summary? A sweet season of realizing that NOTHING is impossible with God and very little IS possible without Him. I LOVE the riches of His grace!

I ask again, "How old am I?"

Here's a great kid quote:

Tonight at dinner Randy and I are talking about a movie that was made in 1983.  I told them that I was only 10 years old when it was made.  Josiah pipes up and says, "So, it's in black and white?"  He wasn't joking.  Randy got a GREAT laugh out of that one and says, "Mom's not that old."

Christmas with the Browns

Uncle Cary and Isaac really get a kick out of each other! :)

Christmas with the Brown Family is always quite entertaining - never a dull moment! This year we had 4 dogs (2 of them 12-week-old puppies), 22 cousins, and 14 adults - and that's just the immediate family! Some of the coolest gifts were Uncle Alan's baseball bats that he made himself for all the boys. They are made of ash wood and have the names burned on them with a wood burning tool. Very special! Sorry, I don't have a pic of one right now. Cousin Alex got a sweet little teddy bear puppy and she was adorable! And the MOST entertaining part of the whole weekend was Randy's surgery on his oldest brother Tod - on the kitchen countertop. I haven't posted any of the gory pictures - actually, I wasn't taking that many pictures - but we all agreed that this was NOT what most families do when they get together for Christmas! Tod had a lipoma (just a harmless little tumor thing) in his neck and Randy borrowed some medical tools from an old highschool/college buddy and removed it - right there in his mom's kitchen. One of my nieces who really enjoys science and wants to be a doctor took the tumor home preserved in a small jar. There were several cameras and my daughter was video taping the whole thing. Yes, we're weird. But at least no one can say we're boring...

Grandma preparing the prime rib - that's a LOT of meat!

My sweet niece, Abby Claire.

All the kids preparing to watch Uncle Tod and Uncle Randy!

The surgery went well and Tod doesn't have a lump in his neck anymore!

Happy 2009!

Happy New Year! We're actually still awake at 1 a.m. Sad to say that we (my husband at the moment) are working on the Brown family Xmas gifts. We get with his family this weekend. Ha! Malachi was up screaming with us for a while so RB had to take over this project. Have I mentioned that I have a great husband? (By the way, we had a great anniversary celebration last p.m.! My sweet Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Barbara offered to keep our kids at their house in Arlington while we went out! We came back to our house, cooked steak and creme brulee, and watched a movie! Dinner together in our QUIET house - this was a gift. And our kids had a blast with their great uncle and aunt! They LOVED it and I really felt like my aunt truly enjoyed being with my kids - this was a huge gift to me. My children can't wait to go back!)

We celebrated tonight with our friends, the Gravitts and the Butlers. It was lots of fun to just hang out together out of the context of Op Camp or Mighty Men. Our boys love the Gravitt boys and they had a sweaty Wii-fest and watched "Man vs. Wild" all night.

Here's a simple, but profound, revelation that the Lord showed me this week as I enter a new year. One of my "resolutions" (Randy and I have decided that we don't like this word) for 2009 is that I would become a woman of prayer. I started reading Graham Cooke's book Crafted Prayer again the other day. Here are some quotes that I've been pondering:

"We should not be using prayer to find God - that is what thanksgiving is for. The Bible is clear - it is not with prayer that we enter His gates, but with thanksgiving."

"We can thank God first, in every situation, because every problem we encounter comes with His provision attached to it....Our heart may be all over the place, but there is a central place of truth where we gather - in the goodness of God."

His point is that we often come up against something and immediately start praying what we think should happen, etc. instead of entering the presence of God with thanksgiving and waiting on the voice of God to see how He wants us to pray. Cooke says, "We need to plan to enter God's presence with our thanksgiving, not our prayer: Thank You, Lord. I don't know how You're going to work this thing out, but I know You will. I praise You. I worship You. And once we've come into His presence, we need to be still and listen to the heart of God."

Anyway, just been thinking a lot about how gratitude prepares the way for God to speak and move. Stillness. This is a TOUGH one for me. But one thing I read in my Karen Mains book was that she learned a long time ago to shut up and just sit with the Lord. This is what I want to learn this year. I want to drown in Scripture and hear what He's saying from moment to moment. I long for my spirit to be quiet enough to HEAR. Really tired of trying to function in my flesh! Verse that I was meditating on this a.m.: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Cooke points out that when we are hidden in God, the enemy cannot find us. Yeah! I love my Warrior King!

15 years with this MAN!

Randy's 16th birthday. He got to take me on a date in his old pick-up truck, "Bessie", and we had a romantic picnic in the park before we went back to his house where a surprise party was awaiting him! I am LOVING the hair! Luke asked me why Dad's hair was so sweaty - I told him that was just all the mousse he put in it to look cool! :) I really had no explanation for mine! LOL!

A few weeks before we got married - we're at a club social.

I thought my sisters-in-law would appreciate this one! LOL! That tiny little girl is my sweet niece, Bailey, who is now a Sophomore in COLLEGE!! Lee Ann is pregnant with Connor in this pic (I think).

What a wedding! 500 guests and LOTS of pictures! It seems like AGES ago!

I wanted to say one thing to our parents. RB and I were recently talking about what a blessing it is that our parents taught us that you just don't even talk about divorce. I can honestly say that I never even considered it a possibility that my parents would divorce and Randy had the same experience. This has provided a rare and unusual security that I think we take for granted. In all our crud, we've never even mentioned or thought about divorce (maybe death, but not divorce! LOL). Thanks Mom, Dad, Dale and Rita. You continue to give us an indescribable gift!

What I LOVE about Randy Brown:

WARNING: This is going to be one of those really obnoxious posts about how wonderful my spouse is! To dispel the myth (which one of his buddies contends is true) that he is perfect, I will just say that he is NOT! He is a rotten sinner just like the rest of us and in GREAT need of the grace of Jesus! I used to think he was perfect and that actually was a bit unhealthy.... Anyway! Here are some of the things I love about him! He is my best friend and has been for a long time - 20 years, actually. I guess we had a few years apart in there, but he knows me really well. There's a lot of security in that. I love that he loves Jesus. I know that in every decision and in every thing he does, he is seeking Him. Therefore, I trust him. He has the gift of wisdom and walks in humility. He is gentle and yet direct with people - so good at speaking the truth in love. He is incredibly patient and has been especially patient with me. He married a very insecure and immature GIRL! I laugh a lot and ask him what in the WORLD he was thinking!! But his prayers and his stubborn words of life and his toughness with me have changed who I am. I can't imagine who I would have been or where I would have been if I hadn't married him - God is SO merciful and GOOD! One thing I've been extremely grateful for lately is his purity. I cried recently as I thanked him for battling to keep his mind and heart sexually pure for me. The depth of his integrity in this area is becoming more and more astounding to me as I realize what a RARE gift this is that he is giving me. He's been this way for as long as I've known him (age 15) and this part of him has not changed. I love that God uses him to lead many people. If you had asked him when he was 20 years old if God would have used him as a leader, I think he would have said no. He was introverted and insecure in so many ways and the Lord has changed all that. His confidence in leading our family (even when he may be a little "off" :)) gives me an incredible sense of security. I'm so grateful that I don't have to push him to lead. Our friends call him a "stubborn old fool". This so describes him. He stubbornly refuses to let anyone destroy his vision for the impossible. And he is resolute in his faith. Being a person who will quit at the drop of a hat, I deeply admire this quality in him (and he's starting to rub off on me!). I love that God is teaching us to laugh together more right now. After some pretty rough several months (years, for that matter) in our marriage, I can honestly say that our marriage is better now than it's ever been. I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else! Other things I love: his sense of humor, his poetry, his photographic memory, his laugh, his balding head, the way he loves our kids, his parenting, our shared love of books, his good looks, his need to live simply, his heart for the poor, the way he can remember things he memorized 20+ years ago, the way he rarely panics, his optimism, his passion, his servant heart, the way he works so hard, the way he loves to sleep (and how he can sleep through anything), the way he refuses to say anything bad about people and always looks for the best, his thoughtfulness, his humility in admitting when he is wrong, the way he stuck with this marriage when many men would've left, his faith that refuses to quit....There is SO much more I could say, but you may be ready to gag at this point! I'm sorry that all the rest of you ladies missed out on the most wonderful man on the planet!!!! I'm so thankful for you, Randy Brown! I knew when I was only 15 years old that you were a treasure! I'm deeply in awe of the God who let you stick around!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! MAY THE NEXT 15 YEARS GET EVEN BETTER!!!!!

"A New Species"

The first gift I opened from my husband on Christmas a.m. was a print of a butterfly sketch by an artist that RB found on the internet. Most people don't know the significance of the chlorinda butterfly and it's very long story, but I'll summarize it by saying that a few years ago God gave me a new name. Chlorinda is the name of a rare Australian butterfly and so the butterfly in general has become a symbol of new identity in Christ. The name of this sketch is "A New Species" and my husband wrote a poem to go with it. It made me cry. I'll write more about his incredible man later today (because it's our 15th anniversary!!), but for now I'll just let you read his poetry. The artist actually read it and wants to include it with her sketch!

A New Species

There is in man a strong desire to name a thing unknown;
To wrap his mind around the infinite, and say, “My own.”
But there are creatures in this world who simply can’t be named.
No title fits. No words describe. Their spirits can’t be tamed.

N ‘er Latin nor another tongue can give my love her due;
The species which she represents is altogether new.
With rainbow sounds and colors loud she sings a song divine;
I dance in ecstasy and praise her Maker’s sweet design.

Emerging from her chrysalis she bursts with life anew,
A mystery of grace and beauty rivaled by but few,
Her glory blinds my eyes; my feeble tongue must beg for words.
Her crystal eyes, they sparkle like a million Waterfords.

I’m filled with longing to describe so beautiful a thing,
No artist’s palate can create the colors of your wing.
No orator can tell the story of your perfect form;
So delicate, yet dangerous. A living lightening storm.

Such power, cased in loveliness; anomalous and rare.
It’s my delight. Obessed. Compelled. And fixated, I stare.
Chlorinda? Yes, but even more. This species is divine.
Exquisite. Stunning. Glorious. And altogether mine.

A 15th Anniversary Haiku

Fifteen years of love.

My bride, my love, my treasure,

Still a rising sun.



Haikus have a way of distilling lots of information into very few words. I can't help but add a few words to expound upon this one. Allow me to be a bit more expressive than normal, if you will.

Yes, my beloved is just beginning her day of brilliance. The sunrise she is at present, so gentle to your eyes, is steadily rising and will soon be painfully glorious. No eye will be able to take it in, except in furtive glances. Her current state a mere hint of what's to come. Her glowing orange, reflecting pinks and blues will soon be fully exposed, bringing heat and light and a tranforming energy that affects everything around her. She is beautiful, yes, but even after 15 years of love she is like a tender shoot, whose flowers have not yet begun to bud. Take a good look at her now, enjoy her contagious goodness, knowing it is just a hint of what's to come.



I can't tell you how glad I am that God gave Anda to me as my wife. I didn't deserve her, and honestly I wasn't even smart enough to know how much I needed her. I thought I was fully self sufficient. Fifteen years of life together has taught me how wrong I was. At times I like to envision what my life would have been like if I had been able to follow though with my noble plan of life-long singleness. I think I would have been a disaster. She has brought me six wonderful children I never could have known without her. She has guarded my back with loving faithfulness, protecting and defending me from unknown dangers as my eyes have tended to focus only on what is immediately before me. She has given herself fully to me as my lover. I know more of the heart of God because of her love. She's smart and humble, gently steering me away from really stupid decisions, and softly planting wisdom in my heart. She's my best friend, and I love spending time with her. I would be very lonely without her.

I don't know what we'll be doing on our 30th anniversary, but I pray for that day to be like this one, filled with a joy which cannot be expressed, and a hope that feels like celebration even as it anticipates the future.

Mighty Men Christmas Dinner

Okay. So we planned this dinner for the MM. We only wanted it to be them and mentors - a really intimate occasion in which they could all sit down together and share a meal. WHAT WAS I THINKING??!! I cooked all day - enchiladas, chicken tortilla soup, beans, dessert, hot wassail.... My kids, my friend's kids, and 9 MM= CHAOS!! Especially in my 8x4 kitchen!? LOL! Buffets don't go so well in this small of a space. My sweet children were a bit stressed out and had to eat on a quilt in the playroom. Before the p.m. was over, Randy was in one of our precious MM's faces telling him to sit down or get out - surprisingly, he stayed! Another guy was announcing to everyone that he had gotten "jumped" into a gang that week. Hmmm. I just can't see this scene in a dreamy family Christmas movie! LOL! Randy just collasped on the floor, exhausted, as soon as the last one walked out the door. I told my husband that night that I think I need to host an event with less than 10 children soon so that I can remember what it's like to eat and TALK with other adults at my house! Hopefully, they were blessed! We probably won't be doing that again for at least another year!
Byron looking cool.

It was Alphonzo's birthday so he got to cut the cake.

Samadge - what's up with the earrings?!

the table before it was attacked! By the way, the perspective of this pic makes this little dining area look much bigger than it actually is!