Jesus

Okay, I just read an update from Randy's partner at work who is in Kenya with his whole family.  I think I could cry for a long time.  They are spending lots of time in orphanages with what sounds like almost unspeakable conditions.  She said they're fighting nausea, etc. a lot because of all the smells, etc.  The part that ripped my heart out was her statement that they are being swarmed by kids who all want to be held or touched.  It's not fair.  And in the middle of all that, she's got to think about her own children and disease, etc.  It's Jesus.  They get to touch the heart of Jesus this week in a way that most of us seek to avoid our whole lives.  But that's it.  THIS is who Jesus is - people.  And not the ones that we really long to hang out with.

I'm reading through Mark right now and this a.m. I was reading chapter 6.  I was just thinking about capacity and people.  The apostles had just come back from being sent out by Jesus to heal the sick and cast out demons.  They were pretty pumped, but I'm sure drained and exhausted.  He invites them to come away with Him to a quiet place and get some rest - they hadn't even eaten yet.  What a beautiful invitation.  But the crowds chase them to the other side of the lake and they are greeted by more PEOPLE!  You'd think Jesus might have said, "You know, these guys have really given a lot over the past several days.  I'm going to go ahead and let them go or send all these needy people away."  But no.  Instead, He has compassion on the crowds and starts teaching them.  Then the apostles have probably had it and they tell Jesus he should send them away now to go get food.  These guys still haven't eaten - am I the only one that gets a little testy when hungry and tired?  Now Jesus tells them to FEED them!!  No wonder they were a little perturbed at His suggestion!  FINALLY, after they've cleaned up after 5000+ people, He sends them away in a boat while He deals with sending the crowds away.  But even their little boat ride doesn't go all that well!  The wind is too strong and they can't even get to where they want to go easily.  That's when Jesus shows up walking on the water and the wind calms down.  And here it says they were amazed because they hadn't UNDERSTOOD the loaves because their hearts were hard.  All I'm saying is, maybe they were too tired to get it?  I don't know.  I just know that as I was praying a lot about our fall schedule this morning, this chapter struck me as interesting.  Jesus is King.  And He defines our capacity and sometimes pushes us beyond what we think we can handle.  In every instance, He shows up and works a miracle.  I'm not saying we shouldn't establish boundaries, etc.  I think those are more important than I ever have.  I just think we tend to want to point to all the passages that talk about Jesus withdrawing to lonely places to pray to justify our tendency to want to shut and the doors and windows and be alone.  Are we really praying when we're "refueling"?  And are we withdrawing at like 4 or 5 a.m. and then spending the rest of our day loving and pouring ourselves out for people?!  Ugh, I just want to surrender my time and my plans to Him.  Even with my children.  I'm constantly fighting the battle in surrendering my "rights" in the mundane daily stuff of raising six kids.  It is getting easier, but I wonder if it will ever completely disappear.  No.  Then I wouldn't need Jesus anymore.  SO!  My baby is waking up, letting me know that my time for writing is over.  May we all walk with the King of Kings today - actually, I'd like to dance with Him all day - as we let Him lead and not fight His very good plans.