Malachi and Moriah

Malachi somehow hoisted himself into the kitchen sink. We're not sure why.

I know it looks like we beat the boy, but that is his mother's lipstick which he artfully applied to himself. We don't know why. It was her good lipstick. The kind that lasts for weeks. We washed it, but it didn't really help much. It will make for a memorable family Easter picture.
Normally I don't brag as a father, but I just felt compelled to share that Moriah scored two goals in the 2nd soccer game of her life. She is loving soccer, and we're enjoying watching her play. Isn't she cute?

Randy

Admirer or Follower?

Been feeling heavy lately thinking about what it really means to follow Jesus. Sunday, the sermon was on believing Jesus and here are the four "categories" that he talked about that we find ourselves in: 1)believing the stories about Jesus (Muslims and Buddhists do this), 2)believing in Jesus (usually the salvation experience), 3) believing Jesus, and 4) believing what Jesus believes. Do we really believe Jesus? Like do we really believe that it's better to lose our lives for the sake of the gospel? Do we really believe that we should love our enemies and pray for those that persecute us? Do we really believe that suffering is what we are called to - I mean, really? Do we really believe that we are supposed to LOVE the poor? Do we really believe that we will do greater things than Jesus? There are a thousand other questions that will really send you to your knees when you start to ponder them. And what does it mean to believe what Jesus believes?! Wow! And then I just read this quote from Kierkegaard:

"And Christ's life indeed makes it manifest, terrifyingly manifest, what dreadful untruth it is to admire the truth instead of following it. When there is no danger, when there is a dead calm,when everything is favorable to our Christianity, then it is all too easy to confuse an admirer with a follower.

And this can happen very quietly. The admirer can be under the delusion that the position he takes is the true one, when all he is doing is playing it safe. Give heed, therefore, to the call of discipleship!

If you have any knowledge of human nature, who can doubt that Judas was an admirer of Christ?

Youch! I don't want to forfeit grace and fall under condemnation (because that is from the enemy), but there's no doubt that it's easy to become apathetic and stop asking the hard questions that wake us from a dangerous slumber. I know that I need to be awakened right now. I am feeling the suffocating consequences of becoming a bit too self-centered instead of cross-centered lately. I have satisfied myself (although it is quite UNsatisfying) on a diet of media, unhealthy (literal) food, and whatever other distractions I think will bring temporary relief instead of feeding my soul on the WORD OF GOD and on BEING with Him. I can say all the right things and know quite a bit, but am I REALLY following Him right now as a disciple and not just a "fan club" member?

The fact that God called me to a no-drugs delivery with Piper has come up over and over again over the past few months. I have a close friend who is always talking about doing life with "no drugs" - not trying to escape the pain/hard stuff, but just walking through it. At World Mandate this year, Jimmy Siebert even used a powerful analogy of the epidural (and was quick to point out that he's not trying to make a statement about whether it's okay or not to use on in actual childbirth - I'm not either). Anyway, his point was that when you have no epidural you can feel where to push. When you have an epidural, you can't really feel anything and someone has to tell you when and how to push - as a result, many women end up pushing from their neck up because they can't feel anything else. He made the very powerful point that in America we are experts at trying to avoid the pain and we therefore push with our HEADS! Everything is about what we can reason out or THINK through and we stop feeling the pain/going to the pain because we have anesthesized ourselves to death! Sobering and true. Missing some joy right now. Know enough of life to know that JOY is going to come when I stop trying to be in control and let Him take me wherever He wants to this year. I'll put one of my journal entries concerning that later, but I need to go enjoy the beautiful spring weather with my kids at the park right now! Woo-hoo! Feeling more encouraged than I have in a while! He is always faithful to break through the hard places in our hearts!

Safe Saint's Prayer

"Thank you God for food and drink,

My shoes, my socks, the kitchen sink.

Thank you for my home and friends,

And all the blessings Jesus sends;

Anda thank you also for the cross

I hear you suffered quite a loss."

"The cross?" I hear my neighbor query,

"What is this which, like a cherry,

You reach in prayer with bended knee

To pluck from off the blessing tree?"

"It is the place where Christ was killed

That I will blessing might be filled.

He suffered there upon the tree

That all my blessings might be free."

"I see," said neighbor, "thinking deep.

He bought for you a life of sleep.

Forgive me, Saint, for I thought he

Did offer His same life to thee."

"I would not steal his glory, friend,

For on the cross his work did end.

The Word says Jesus paid my price.

To pay myself would not be nice."

"I quite agree my neighbor spoke.

You can pay nothing. You are broke.

But it is not dishonoring

To walk the footsteps of your king;

To worship him in word and deed

And not just in your lifeless creed."

May God bless us all to embrace the cross of Christ this Easter. Randy

my cute baby girl

already helping mom with laundry! :)

the girls' new beds!

So my hubby and I are trying to figure out how to fit another dresser in the girls' small room because we don't have a place for their clothes and suddenly RB is making plans for built-in bunk beds and scheming with our "builder" friend, Richard, about how to make it happen! They really are awesome! Wish I could sleep in there!

WARNING: this post won't be so encouraging

I think it's a bit ironic that I stood in front of a group of about 40 women 4-5 weeks ago sharing about how I had been delivered from depression and I've been under a funk without seeming to be able to get out from under it ever since. I can logically tell you that it's because I'm tired - really tired. Unfortunately, the kind of tired that I can't see the end of. Even now, I've been trying to put children to bed for the past 2 hours. Malachi just can't seem to get comfortable tonight. Sigh. He's now sitting beside me. I don't think there is a time in my life right now when I go longer than 2 hours without SOMEONE touching me...or asking me a question...or wanting FOOD (solid or breast)...or needing to be tucked in...or needing me to hold them...or needing help with any number of things...or...oh, I give up complaining. This little guy beside me is just too cute. I feel guilty - a lot of guilt, actually - for complaining at all. What do I have going on in life that's so bad? Nothing. Sometimes, though, God uses the everyday, mundane demands to stretch and grow me. Maybe these are harder in some ways than the crisis because we can see that we don't have the "right" to complain. There just doesn't seem to be justification for my whining. (is there ever? :)) But I have to say that I feel really S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D right now. Granted, I've slept hardly at all in the past 4 days, and not very well for the several weeks before that. Sleep deprivation makes a woman nuts. I'm real close to the edge (I don't really know what edge - just know I'm there). Prospects for sleep tonight looking dim. Malachi has ulcers in his mouth and he's just crying. Keeps waking him up. Not much I can do. Now both babies crying. You can see why I've blogged very little lately. Gotta go. The truth is that God does see mamas and He doesn't let go.

the swing

Today we returned home from a weekend trip to Midland to see our families. For those of you who don't know, we both grew up there and were high school "sweethearts" (for most of high school, that is. RB dumped me during my junior year/his senior year, but that's another long story). Anyway, we were staying at his parents house in his old bedroom and as I looked out the second story window onto their balcony, I started reminiscing about our time on this swing. If this swing could only play back all the conversations it heard some 18-20 years ago! We would sit here for hours dreaming about the future and what our life together would look like. We prayed many prayers here, held hands, cried, laughed, and just acted plain goofy! And when God brought us back together in college, we returned to this swing where we would sit for hours at night just being in love again. And it was on this swing that Randy kissed me for the first time. In high school we actually never kissed while we were dating, but when we got back together in college this is where my husband surrendered his first kiss ever - to me. Yes, I just got sentimental as I thought about all that God has done since those early years. It makes me laugh and cry to think about how our dreams back then compare to the reality that has been our adventure. Our lives look a little different than I thought they would as a 20 year old...and I'm SO thankful!! Wouldn't trade one single part of the story for another. I love my man, and I love what God started on this swing...I got our budding photographer, McKenna, to take some "artistic" shots of us on our swing!

silence

I should be in bed. Everyone has been asleep for at least 45 minutes and I'm still up. Had a free drink coupon for Starbucks, though, and just ran out to get a Frappucino with Jesus before I start my week. As I drove around for about 15 minutes all by myself, I flipped on the radio and heard this little interview with some author about her practice of silence for the last 17 years. She wasn't a believer, but she had some good insights. Practicing a day of silence once a week for the past several years has made her a better listener. It has made her slow down and notice things around her, increasing her gratitude. She pointed out that we our world is so noisy now - if not with actual noise, then with activity. She attributed most of that to technology. Even if we're not speaking, we're on the internet (yes, guilty as charged! :)). When asked why we do that, she said that it's because we're trying to escape from ourselves. Certainly not always true, but how often do I get on this computer or play with our latest gadget (or see my kids do this) because I am trying to escape something else? I am full of a growing passion right now for reading and the power of words - that's for another post, but her words made me think. How much more difficult is it to hear God and anyone else when we can't seem to slow down and LISTEN? I think I may try this discipline of silence in our family soon because I've definitely noticed that we are not quite yet as skilled as we could be in the Jesus art of listening to people. :) Blah, blah. Just some random thoughts I wanted to record before I forget. I'll blog about one of the many things on my heart, hopefully sometime this week. Reading aloud, literacy, beauty and the poor, the Bible study that God has started on our street, kids and character training, Holy Spirit and His life lived through us, gratitude for our church Body....

the wisk in my head

Quiet. All I can hear is the hum of the dryer. Wish all the laundry - all 10 loads of it - was folded. Not tonight.

Wish I had words to describe what God is doing in my heart and mind. Too tired tonight. But lets just say that today I felt like there was a wisk (is this the way you spell this word?!) in my head. Scrambled brain. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? (if you do, I'm quite sure you're a woman - no man can fully comprehend how this happens). I felt like I couldn't put two thoughts together. Tomorrow promises to be worse if God doesn't show up and take the wisk away!

Saturday - my hubby and I had one of the worse days we've had together in a long time - a little trouble readjusting to life together upon his return from Haiti.

Sunday p.m. - had life group here - around 30 people including our family

Monday pm. - helped RB lead a Bible study down at the apartments - awkward and beautiful

Tuesday p.m. - a few neighborhood girls had dinner with us (unexpectedly, of course)

Wednesday p.m. - 5 Mighty Men and one Mighty Mentor came and inhaled our leftovers from the past 3 days; they arrive after I send six other neighborhood kids home for the night

Tomorrow - we will celebrate Luke's b'day because I won't be in town this weekend and

Moriah will go to her first soccer practice; I'll have to send the neighborhood kids home because I don't think I can do 12 or 13 kids while trying to get Luke's bday dinner ready...

Friday a.m. - I leave to go to a mommy conference with Sally Clarkson until Sunday a.m. Can I just say that I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!! Think maybe I need a little break.

I have no idea why I'm writing all this down. I think maybe I needed to see that there is a reason my brain is feeling spacey! I just read this great blog post about this single girl who lives in Africa and has adopted 11-12 orphans. She was commenting about the fact that someone kept saying to her that they would love to do what she does and would do it in a heartbeat if they could. She got angry because she didn't believe the woman really would because she hadn't counted the cost. She loves what she's doing and wouldn't trade it for the world, but it is not glamorous. When I write about the events of my week, it would be easy to "glamorize" it and I could make it sound adventurous. Truth is that I've been clinging to Jesus in desperation this week. It has felt like transition in labor when you want to quit with everything in you, but that's really just not an option. Sigh. I'm thankful for these times in which I realize again how much I need Him - not to just come and give me something or "fix" some situation...I need HIM. I need HIM to come and LIVE HIS life through me, not just help me out. There has, and will continue to be, much grace for this adventure He has invited us to.

Can hear hubby snoring in my bedroom. Dryer has stopped. Time for this mama to go to bed. Will start again tomorrow with the new mercies that are mine at each day's dawn....Maybe a little snack first - I don't have to share at this time of night. :)

This is what my scrambled head knows: He. Is. Good. Infinitely good.

Here are a couple of pics:

MK took this one of Isaac and flower - like it!

Narnia like view from our front door a couple of weeks ago - beautiful

Nana, we really like our bench cushion and pillows - it's a favorite reading hangout for all the kids! :)

Back from Haiti

Boy with a broken arm. No that is not a backwards elbow.
This is the AMI team I went with. They were incredible. Prayerful. Hard working. Really fun people to be with. It was amazing how God put just the right people on our team to do what needed to be done. Several of the team members had been to Sri Lanka after the tsunami. Lexia (in the black hat) went on a 2 week trip and ended up staying there for 4 1/2 years to build a community with 80 homes, and help plant a church.
One of the many buildings that had been destroyed. The destruction was so wide, that there is no way to do justice with pictures. Haiti was broken before the earthquake. There is no hope for making things right except Jesus, and his people.

Back from Haiti

Alan was running the non-medical part of the Wesleyan camp. He had been there for about 2 weeks and got sick. This is him getting some IV fluids under the tree. He ended up going home the next day. It was amazing to see how God provided new people to fill in the gaps just when they were needed.
This is the middle of the clinic where whe did wound care. Almost everything was done outside because we didn't have much room, and because people were still afraid to be inside. This is one of the Haitian nurses who was volunteering to help.
The shed you see was built by the marines after the earthquake. It was our ICU where we kept really sick patients. The flag is marking the Spanish area. The Spanish Armada set up a clinic every day on our compound. They were great. They brought in an ultrasound some days, and when we had really sick patients who needed surgery, they were able to get some of them onto their floating hospital ship to operate on them. I enjoyed getting to use my rudimentary Spanish skills to communicate with them.

Back from Haiti

This is the delivery table where moms had their babies. We sometimes even covered it with a paper gown to make it more comfortable. Outside that window was the outdoor clinic where hundreds of people were sitting outside listening to the women as they labored.
This is Dr. Liza and her dad Bob. Bob is a retired neurosurgeon and Liza is a wonderful ER doctor from St. Louis. She basically ran the medical part of things. She was amazing.
This group of firefighters from Portland was a great help. They started IVs, treated wounds, carried people on stretchers, and did anything else we needed them to do.

Back from Haiti

This is Fred, who served, along with 2 of his brothers, as our translators. He is my new hero. He is a young Haitian man who lost several friends in the earthquake. He was sitting with 3 friends when the earthquake hit. He and one friend ran one direction and survived. The other 2 ran another direction and were killed. The night of the earthquake he heard a man crying for help. The man was distraught because his wife was in labor with nobody to help. It was her 5th delivery, and all 4 of the others had died in childbirth. Fred stayed with them for 4 hours and delivered the baby all by himself. He had never even seen a childbirth before. No gloves, no instruments, nobody there to ask questions of; just the love of Jesus in his heart--and the baby was born healthy and strong.
Moriah sent a sack of beanie babies for me to give away in Haiti, so each newborn baby went home with a little gift.
This is Michael Johnson, my new doctor friend. He is a surgeon from Philadelphia, who has been a missionary to Kenya for the past 20 years. He was in the US to speak at a Christian doctors conference, and his wife called him from Nairobe and encouraged him to spend a few days in Haiti. He ended up on the truck with us coming home from the airport and got adopted onto our team. He stayed behind after our team left Petit Guave and served as the director of our little "hospital" until the next doctor arrives from St. Louis.

Going to Haiti

Today around noon a friend of mine called me. He is the youth pastor at a church in Waco that has been working in Haiti since 5 days after the earthquake struck. They are sending their 4th consecutive team next Tuesday, and one of the doctors had to cancel. My friend asked if I would be willing to go. I had already talked about going later in the month with the team he will be leading, but the dates didn't work out. It just so happens that the dates for this 4th team's trip are about the only dates in February that I could go.

So I said yes.

We are planning to fly out of Dallas next Tuesday around 7 am and return the following Tuesday.

Please pray for me. I will need God's wisdom to know how to help people medically. I will need God's supernatural power to heal people that only He can heal. I need God to fill my heart with His love so I will be able to care about people and not grow selfish or weary.

Please pray for Anda, who will be staying home with 7 kids. No great adventure. Very little praise. Just faithfully serving in our home. She is wonderful. Pray for God to give her joy and strength. Her job as a mom right now is very physically difficult, especially with a baby.

I'm serious about asking you to pray. I wanted people to know I'm going to Haiti, but mostly I blogged this so that people would pray. Thank you.

Randy

Why I'm not good at loving the poor

What is it about loving the poor that is so hard? It’s me. I’m the problem. Yes, the poor are difficult to love at times, but most people enjoy helping others. When the earthquake struck in Haiti, just like with many other recent disasters, there was an outpouring of support. Do you wonder why? I think it’s because people want to help. So why, you ask, are people so reluctant to help in situations that are not so acute? Why does the monotonous march of serious, life-destroying poverty continue largely unnoticed by most? Here are a few reasons:

1. Commitment is hard. I can make a one-time decision to help someone, but when I am faced with the reality of a long-term need, I find that my resolve weakens. If I can’t fix the problem in less than a month, I will probably get distracted and move on to something else.
2. Trust is even harder. Lack of trust may be the biggest obstacle to overcoming poverty. Many of the poor are dishonest. Even if the people I want to help are honest, chances are that there is a dishonest person in the situation. Here is an example. I wanted to help a boy with musical talent, so I gave him a fairly expensive set of electronic drums for Christmas one year. The next time I went to his house the drums were gone. His mom had sold them to get something she wanted, or maybe even needed. Often the things we want to do to help people never really help the people we are reaching out to.
3. Poverty is confusing. Problems can get really complex. Every time we come up with a solution to a problem we find another problem waiting. Often, even our solutions cause problems. It doesn’t take many failed attempts at problem solving to make one want to abandon their quest to make things right.
4. People sin. Days, weeks, or even years of investing in someone may prove to have been fruitless as that person makes choices to live a destructive lifestyle. Addictions, habits, and even just plain sin cause people to turn on those who love them. It happens so often that we often find ourselves feeling hopeless about the poor and giving up on even trying.
5. Materialism is sneaky. We see it in others, but our own selfishness is easy to justify. Coffee, books, meals, gadgets--they aren’t such a big deal--they just add up. Before long we find ourselves too poor to help others because we have piddled away our money.
6. Time is sneaky, too. Every day fills itself whether we want it to or not. Rarely does loving the poor displace a few minutes on the computer or chatting on the phone unless we make difficult and deliberate choices.

The bottom line is that none of these reasons really matter. Jesus tells us to love the poor, so we should. Thankfully, he also promises that in spite of all the difficulties loving the poor is a wonderful investment. Whatever failures we encounter are temporary. The guarantee is that we will become more like Jesus, that we will have incredible joy, and that real tangible treasure will come to us in this life and in the life to come.

Happy Anniversary!

I took this pic on Dec 30th, our 16th anniversary. We went out to dinner that p.m. with McKenna babysitting all 6 of our kids. Our plan was to come home, sneak into our bedroom and watch a movie there so I could feed the baby. McKenna had completely cleaned the kitchen and living room and decorated our room. She and Josiah provided room service for us the rest of the evening. All we had to do was call them from our cell phones! hee! None of the other kids knew we were there and it would have worked out so well, EXCEPT for the fact that Piper had her worst night EVER! She fussed all evening while we watched our movie and I didn't make it to bed until 2 a.m.! At midnight I had a crying baby and was administering ibuprofen to Isaac who had 103 degree fever (for some unknown reason). These were the things on my nightstand at one point and it was such a perfect representation of this season of life that we find ourselves in! Thank you God for EVERY season! LOL!

sparkling cider, our wedding glasses, motrin, thermometer, and a dirty diaper...

Aunt Dot

A couple of weeks ago, the Brown family and friends went to the Cowboy game (a game they actually WON), and Piper got to meet Great Aunt Dot! Sweet!

our Moriah

It's hard to tell in this pic, but she fell asleep in her big tub of stuffed animals one night! We thought it was pretty funny when we found her there.

pretty sure she's the happiest baby I've ever had - joy girl!

God has answered some very specific prayers that we prayed for this baby! We asked for no colic and she's not colicky. Also asked that she be joyful - she really is super happy and easy. She's also starting to sleep all night already - this is HUGE! She's having a little trouble actually getting to bed at night, but once I get her there, she's making it 6-8 hours. Such a blessing during this exhausting season! Thank you, Lord, for giving us so much mercy!

sweet baby piper