Admirer or Follower?

Been feeling heavy lately thinking about what it really means to follow Jesus. Sunday, the sermon was on believing Jesus and here are the four "categories" that he talked about that we find ourselves in: 1)believing the stories about Jesus (Muslims and Buddhists do this), 2)believing in Jesus (usually the salvation experience), 3) believing Jesus, and 4) believing what Jesus believes. Do we really believe Jesus? Like do we really believe that it's better to lose our lives for the sake of the gospel? Do we really believe that we should love our enemies and pray for those that persecute us? Do we really believe that suffering is what we are called to - I mean, really? Do we really believe that we are supposed to LOVE the poor? Do we really believe that we will do greater things than Jesus? There are a thousand other questions that will really send you to your knees when you start to ponder them. And what does it mean to believe what Jesus believes?! Wow! And then I just read this quote from Kierkegaard:

"And Christ's life indeed makes it manifest, terrifyingly manifest, what dreadful untruth it is to admire the truth instead of following it. When there is no danger, when there is a dead calm,when everything is favorable to our Christianity, then it is all too easy to confuse an admirer with a follower.

And this can happen very quietly. The admirer can be under the delusion that the position he takes is the true one, when all he is doing is playing it safe. Give heed, therefore, to the call of discipleship!

If you have any knowledge of human nature, who can doubt that Judas was an admirer of Christ?

Youch! I don't want to forfeit grace and fall under condemnation (because that is from the enemy), but there's no doubt that it's easy to become apathetic and stop asking the hard questions that wake us from a dangerous slumber. I know that I need to be awakened right now. I am feeling the suffocating consequences of becoming a bit too self-centered instead of cross-centered lately. I have satisfied myself (although it is quite UNsatisfying) on a diet of media, unhealthy (literal) food, and whatever other distractions I think will bring temporary relief instead of feeding my soul on the WORD OF GOD and on BEING with Him. I can say all the right things and know quite a bit, but am I REALLY following Him right now as a disciple and not just a "fan club" member?

The fact that God called me to a no-drugs delivery with Piper has come up over and over again over the past few months. I have a close friend who is always talking about doing life with "no drugs" - not trying to escape the pain/hard stuff, but just walking through it. At World Mandate this year, Jimmy Siebert even used a powerful analogy of the epidural (and was quick to point out that he's not trying to make a statement about whether it's okay or not to use on in actual childbirth - I'm not either). Anyway, his point was that when you have no epidural you can feel where to push. When you have an epidural, you can't really feel anything and someone has to tell you when and how to push - as a result, many women end up pushing from their neck up because they can't feel anything else. He made the very powerful point that in America we are experts at trying to avoid the pain and we therefore push with our HEADS! Everything is about what we can reason out or THINK through and we stop feeling the pain/going to the pain because we have anesthesized ourselves to death! Sobering and true. Missing some joy right now. Know enough of life to know that JOY is going to come when I stop trying to be in control and let Him take me wherever He wants to this year. I'll put one of my journal entries concerning that later, but I need to go enjoy the beautiful spring weather with my kids at the park right now! Woo-hoo! Feeling more encouraged than I have in a while! He is always faithful to break through the hard places in our hearts!