confession

Confession: today I wish I didn't live in the hood. There. I said it. A stay at Blackberry Farm is sounding really good about now - maybe for like 6 months?? :)

More creative photography by McKenna

Friends came over a couple of weeks ago and McKenna went to town with my camera. I've started handing it to her almost every time now! And she's starting to experiment with editing and having a lot of fun! Love that girl!

Eden

Isaac and Lyren

Catherine

Maisie - do you not just want to eat her up?

love this one!

dancing

Awkward. I hear the music. It's beautiful and I can envision what I look like when my feet and body glide effortlessly across the floor. But I don't look like the woman in my mind's eye. Awkward. The woman in my mind is passionate...joyful...unencumbered...welcoming...hospitable....Reality is awkward. My feet just won't move quite right. I feel like I'm trying to dance a dance that I was never intended to dance (a lie from the pit of hell, but still how I FEEL). I stumble. I try to stick with the beat, but I'm off again. I just look...awkward.

But it's worth it, right? The dance of community, specifically community with children, is worth it. Even now, as I write, I hear the sound of police helicopters overhead, circling our "hood" again. Second time today I've heard them (with all the emergency vehicles I see on my street and over my head, I don't know why anyone ever thinks that I would struggle with feeling safe here. LOL!). Community. Christ was all about it. He still is, especially with children. Which is why I long to not fight against it anymore! And while I am talking about community with my own children on one level, I'm mostly talking about neighborhood kids. Don't think a day has gone by recently when there weren't at least 2 at my door (yesterday a.m. 3 brothers were fully dressed for school and knocking at 5:50 a.m. They needed to use the phone - were wondering where their mama had disappeared to in the middle of the night...not particularly worried, just curious. I know her and I knew she was somewhere getting high. Maybe they just choose not to know anymore). I long to elegantly fling my front door open wide, ushering them into a safe haven, while providing them with food for body and soul. But the reality is that I'm awkward. Conversation is awkward. I'm mostly trying to figure out when I can ask them to leave. But today there was small breakthrough and I think I figured out one small dance step in the complicated rhythm. As I peered through my window and saw three girls approaching from down the street, I started praying out loud, "Lord, please give me Your welcoming spirit" (because, really, can you tell me that even when He had to say "no" or turn people away that they didn't somehow still feel welcomed?) and saying "Act happy to see them...Act happy to see them." Today I didn't make them ask to enter, I invited them in. Today I let them watch me as I bathed my 5-month-old. Today, I let the oldest one hold Piper for me while I did some chores around the house. Today, I asked them how school was and I learned that they had "science day" and that the eldest is working on a science project, a solar oven. Today, I talked about Earth Day with them and we tried to find some info about it on the internet together. And when I had to leave to go run errands, they asked to come with me....I had to say no and the parting felt awkward, but they've never asked before (at least not these particular girls). I wish that the steps I practiced today had been smoother. I wish that I had offered them the banana before they had to ask. I wish that we had read together and that I had been more affectionate and "mothering". I wish I had talked about Jesus and overflowed with the Word of God. BUT, the few steps that I got right today were Holy Spirit led and ordained by Father. Next time I will add a few more steps, and a few more after that. And I know that somehow, God is being glorified even in the midst of my tripped-up-awkward dancing. I love that my God is the God who uses the weak of the world to confound the wise. And I'm thankful that He is the One I get to dance with....Grace. It's a Grace dance.

Thoughts on my wife

Recently I had the opportunity to spend the day with 6 of my children without the loving presence of their mother. She had Piper (the 5 month old) with her. I noticed it was difficult. They are all great kids, but physically managing 6 kids proved to be a bit of a challenge. This is not profound, mind you, but I just felt the need to honor this woman who not only takes care of me, but cares for 7 children on an almost constant basis. Whenever I have spent a day caring for the kids, it seems appropriate for me to get a long nap or something similarly restful. I have no doubt that when Anda finishes her stent as a mother there will be a good nap waiting for her in heaven. :)
Randy

The First Mighty Man to drive!?

Our sweet D'Leeland got his driver's license about a month ago and has been loving it! Randy made a deal with him - he goes to a tutoring learning center twice a week and he gets to use...drumroll, please...the beautiful cadillac!! (some of you may not be aware that my husband purchased a 1984 BLUE cadillac sedan deville a few months back...we're still not sure why, but people here in our neighborhood think he's really cool - or I guess they think D'Leeland's cool now). Anyway! We love D'Leeland and we are so proud of him!

Yes, this car is longer than our Suburban!!!

This one is cuter!

Okay, I'm sorry, but I thought THIS picture was the cutest one of my lipstick boy! It only took it 2 1/2 days to come off. This kid has the whole family wrapped around his little finger right now. :)

"...and all who touched Him were healed."

THANK YOU JESUS! I cannot describe the dry desert of a place I've been in lately. Tonight the Lord has shown up and watered my parched soul. This a.m. while having my quiet time in the Suburban (okay, give me a break, it's the ONLY place where no one can interrupt me - well, one of my precious blessings was actually banging on the living room window motioning to me to come inside, but I was able to resist :)), I begged God to speak to me. I've just been paralyzed and feeling "yuck" spiritually. I thought I heard Matthew 14. I read verses 22-36 (Jesus and Peter walking on the water) and realized that I have been obsessed with the wind and the waves surrounding me and have completely forgotten to fix my eyes on Him. But Jesus is not slow to reach out His hand and catch me, even as He gently rebukes me for having so little faith. I ask Him to just let me touch Him so that I could once again be healed. So tonight as I'm holding my littlest I turn on my "labor" playlist and worship as I slowly dance with her in the dark. I'm playing "her song" (yes, she still cuddles up and relaxes the instant she hears "You'll Come" by Hillsong - I'm dying to know at what point in my labor this song was playing!!) and He does come. And I get to touch Him - and He touches me. I couldn't stop telling Him how much I loved Him as the reality of what He has done began cracking the hardened places of my heart. I had just shared the story of the cross two different times with my children and the words wielded their power! Overwhelmed. I love Him so much!

We are so broken...we are SO broken!! I told little PJ tonight that she is so broken, but He has COME! And it is her destiny to proclaim the joy that is ours as we get to walk in freedom! Cannot wait until Sunday!