As I think about the events of the past few weeks, I am moved to reflect on the journey God has brought me on. Being at Pleasant Mount Gilead Church on Sunday was so much fun. In only the third time in my life that I have preached at a Sunday morning church service, I found myself in an African-American church in Como surrounded by people who were willing to listen to what I had to say, and accompanied by a group who had just followed me to Africa and back. If you know me, you are amazed at what God has done with me.
I am not a natural leader. In childhood I was painfully shy. We had a program to train elementary aged boys to lead parts of a church service. I hyperventilated when I had to read a scripture in front of people. The first time a led a prayer at church on a Sunday evening, I made the dreaded, "PRease pLay with me" slip up. In high school the youth minister twisted my arm to give a 15 minute devotional talk at his home, and I literally cried through the whole thing.
So how did I get here? Natural ability is not the right answer. My own righteousness certainly didn't get me here. Hard work and training is also not how it happened.
God brought me here in His time and in His way. I recently heard someone say that God doesn't give us the ticket we need until it's time to get on the bus. Well, apparently God's bus was ready to take me to a pulpit. I've learned enough to know that I want to stay on His bus, even if it's going to a scary place. And the great thing is that I didn't just endure the experience of preaching, I actually enjoyed it. I felt the pleasure of God in doing it. I still don't have any aspirations to be a preacher, or even to do regular public speaking, but I am enjoying the ride.
So how does an Anglo doctor who never had a real friend from the African-American community until about 6 years ago find himself in a life like this? One little step at a time. One closing prayer at church. One miserably awkward devotional. One morning after another of listening to God and doing what he says. One failure after another, until somehow, in spite of my ignorance and chronic rebellion, I look up and see that He has brought me into the Promised Land.
This might not look like the Promised Land from the outside. I haven't met many people who want to trade homes with us, but I love the life God has given us. I have the most beautiful wife in the world, and she has been transformed just like I have. Sunday I met with a couple who had been married for just a year. As we talked about their struggles I told stories of what our marriage was like 15 years ago. It is good to remember the days that I dreaded seeing my wife, and the long, long nights we struggled through. Our life is not perfect by any means, but our marriage is a delight to me. Our children, (with all their issues which I won't expound up here on the World Wide Web,) are a joy to my heart. I am surrounded by friends who care deeply about Jesus, and who encourage me to live a radical life of obedience. I look at the Mighty Men and I see young men who look and act more like Jesus than they did when I met them. I am part of an adventure that gets me excited and keeps me dreaming, and I am seeing God work in miraculous ways.
I know that this Promised Land is just the beginning of all that God is leading me into, but today I am stopping, bending over and taking a handful of fresh soil and bringing it to my nose to breathe deeply of the ground that God has given me. He may continue to expand my boundaries beyond my wildest imagination or He might see fit to take away everything I've gained, but today I celebrate the plot of ground on which I stand. God has been very good to me.
The path He has led me on has not always been forward. Many times I saw the land and was ready to take it, and God told me to go backwards. Sometimes to pick up someone I'd left behind. Sometimes because my heart wasn't ready. And sometimes I had no idea why He wouldn't let me move ahead. But always He has put me right where I needed to be.
So if you're trying to pick a destination, my advice is to take the ticket God gives you and get on the bus. Who knows where you might end up.
Randy
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4 comments:
ilove this, Randrrr. Thanks for sharing your heart. You make me smile, friend. And you challenge me in my walk more than you will ever know.
sounds like you found something great to preach on! :) Im so glad it went well. It was neat to hear part of your story too - He is so much bigger than any fear or failure! Praise Jesus!
Randy, I read this after I read Anda's post. As I sat and I read this particular post of yours, I found myself having to wipe the tears out of my eyes to read the next word. I can't tell you what in my heart you look like to me. You are so real and yet not like any real I have ever known. You truly are one of those that are different. How odd you must seem to so many. And yet when I hear your mom talking about parenting, I hear that was their goal in raising you. To be different from the world. I have to say that you are one of the most different individuals I know and if I was your mom, I think I would be on the floor crying thanks to God that I don't know if I would be able to stand. I know she takes no credit and niether does your dad. They give that to God. I don't know what it is like to have your world. I know money is not important. Things are not important. And yet, I want what you have more than you can imagine. There is just something about you Randy Brown. I just don't know how to get it. I am not talking about getting saved and going to church. I mean how to get what is in your heart that has become the heartbeat. I don't know how to say what I am meaning here. I just don't. I just wish I was as odd as you. Okay that did not come out right. But you know what I mean and I love you, and see something in you that I just don't see in many. Sad.
Randy, your sermon was amazing. I could see that you were so filled up with the Holy Spirit and I couldn't quit choking back the tears. Some of the things you said were a true revelation for me! I'm praising God for last Sunday....what a wonderful welcome to Como for The Connallys. Bless you.
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