awakening

I am so full right now. Been writing in my head for days now, but a little hard to find the time to sit down and pour out heart. :) Now is not a good time either, but I can't stand to wait anymore! Where do I start? Okay. I'll start with the recent and POWERFUL love revelation from the Father. Then I'll move on to evangelism...

About a week and a half ago we were at CORE (our church's discipleship training school - yes, we did it when we first moved here about 9 years ago and we were hungry for big change in our lives again, so we're doing it again - it's somewhat different now, with a lot of focus on evangelism, and led by our dear friends, Christ and Tiffany Guild). Anyway!! The speaker was talking about evangelism and he had us listen at one point that night to see what God would say about love, people, etc. That night I asked Him to open my eyes and to let me experience His heart for people, to really, really love people. I've been realizing lately that I lack deep love for people. And I love it when you get to a place in your spirit where you realize that there is absolutely no hope if Jesus doesn't show up and pour out HIS love in you. I was there. Thought I heard the word "callouses" but nothing more right then. A couple of hours later, RB and I were driving to the lake and I was pondering the meaning of a word I'd heard recently. RB hands me his Kindle and tells me to look it up in the dictionary. The word's meaning was "to be exceedingly and uncritically fond of". I cried and cried. There's really no way to describe everything that happened in my heart at that moment, but He removed one of the callouses as I heard Him speaking to my heart "I am exceedingly and uncritically fond of you." And right as I was seeing it for myself I began to see it and feel for others. And everything has been different since that p.m. I looked it up in another dictionary and the definition was "to be lavish or excessive in one's attention, fondness, or affection." The Lord reminded me of I John 3:1 the next day: "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" I couldn't stop smiling and still can't every time I think of my Father just lavishing Himself all over me. I have known intellectually for quite some time of the depth of God's love, but have rarely SEEN it in my spirit. It was one of those stake-in-the-ground, change-your-life-forever kind of revelations. Hebrews 4:12 - "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints, and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Recently heard a guy teaching on this verse and how the "word of God" includes but is not limited to the written Word here in this verse. This was one of those "spoken" word times that went DEEP (and makes so much of the written Word come to life now)!

So on to EVANGELISM. What did you feel and think when you just read that word? I've been thinking about how just hearing or seeing that word affects my thoughts and emotions. It's pretty negative!! A huge part of the focus in CORE is evangelism. That's a big part of why I wanted to go through it again. Evangelism has pretty much never even been on my radar. But over the past year, God has been challenging me in this area, mostly because of some of my close friends who are always bringing up the Lord with complete strangers (i.e. my friend Ami while we were in NYC). So here is what God is showing me. I have compartamentalized (sp?) this part of my walk with Jesus when it is actually an essential and normal part of following Him.