awakening part 2

So again, while I may have intellectually conceded pretty much forever that telling people about Jesus was a good thing and definitely Biblical, I had somehow convinced myself that it wasn't for everyone, esp me. It was for those people with the gift of evangelism. And I've also believed that it doesn't work. Doesn't "WORK"? What in the world??!! Yes, as I've examined my thought processes over the past few weeks, I've realized that I've believed the lie that people don't want to hear some weird Christian trying to "sell" them something. But what has been the most startling is that I've seen that the root of not sharing Jesus with people is really just that I don't care about people. If I try to strategize and figure out the best angle and all of that, it becomes that - a strategy that makes that person a statistic. But if I look at them and really SEE them - I have begun to see that He is "exceedingly and uncritically fond of" the person checking me out at the grocery store or waiting on me at a restaurant or standing at my front door...you get the picture. And I'm beginning to truly have the revelation that this really isn't about ME at all. The parable of the sower has been a huge encouragement - the guy from Antioch taught on it. Here's a few nuggets: the farmer sowed generously and didn't evaluate/judge the soil before he flung the seed to see where it landed; only 25 percent of the seed sown actually produced fruit - encouraging as we see that rejection is pretty much guaranteed and to be expected; it was about the word being sown, not the farmer's skill. And look at how much fruit was produced by the 25 percent!! So in our sharing the gospel, we never know who is going to take it and become an on-fire passionate Jesus lover - the burden of that is on Him and not us. But the bottom line for me has been an awakening to the love of Christ for me and for the people around me. I'm starting to get delighted with people like never before. I'm judging less and less (which is a miracle from heaven, believe me). It's really HARD to bring up Jesus with people, but I'm starting to do it. Not sharing the whole gospel in 2 minutes yet, but I'm growing!! AHHH!! I LOVE it when Jesus takes us in all of our messed up weakness and invites us into His adventure with that big grin on His face! I'm so ready. Been stuck for too long.

And speaking of our messed-upness. One of the most encouraging parts of CORE so far has been our retreat in which we all shared our testimonies (there are 30 of us). It was amazing. That God could take this group of people and turn us into Jesus followers is a MIRACLE! There is HUGE power in the testimonies of the saints - it fuels faith in a very unique way, hearing the stories and sharing your own. Here's mine in a nutshell: Before Christ...self-absorbed, security-addicted, judgmental, critical, racist who didn't like children all that much and was suspicious and calloused to the poor. Now...learning to say no to self and yes to others, lives in the African American "hood", more full of grace because so aware of my own dysfunctional brokenness, have 7 children and our "ministry" is to children who are poor. It makes me laugh with JOY and amazed at the power of God when I consider what He has done and continues to do. And He gets ALL the credit because I CERTAINLY didn't make any of it happen! I always tell people that I am the least likely candidate they know to have 7 children and live in the hood. God definitely has a sense of humor! :) He is so good. Know that i'm rambling and that I really need sleep so I'll stop, but the word "awakening". I didn't really explain that. I just keep hearing that in my spirit. He is awakening me. I'm scared to death, but I love it and I'm ready to hand over my junk to the One who is worthy of all praise and worth all my affection and attention. HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND GOOD!! May you be blessed to really KNOW that the Father is exceedingly and uncritically fond of you right now! He really is!