Malachi and Moriah

Malachi somehow hoisted himself into the kitchen sink. We're not sure why.

I know it looks like we beat the boy, but that is his mother's lipstick which he artfully applied to himself. We don't know why. It was her good lipstick. The kind that lasts for weeks. We washed it, but it didn't really help much. It will make for a memorable family Easter picture.
Normally I don't brag as a father, but I just felt compelled to share that Moriah scored two goals in the 2nd soccer game of her life. She is loving soccer, and we're enjoying watching her play. Isn't she cute?

Randy

Admirer or Follower?

Been feeling heavy lately thinking about what it really means to follow Jesus. Sunday, the sermon was on believing Jesus and here are the four "categories" that he talked about that we find ourselves in: 1)believing the stories about Jesus (Muslims and Buddhists do this), 2)believing in Jesus (usually the salvation experience), 3) believing Jesus, and 4) believing what Jesus believes. Do we really believe Jesus? Like do we really believe that it's better to lose our lives for the sake of the gospel? Do we really believe that we should love our enemies and pray for those that persecute us? Do we really believe that suffering is what we are called to - I mean, really? Do we really believe that we are supposed to LOVE the poor? Do we really believe that we will do greater things than Jesus? There are a thousand other questions that will really send you to your knees when you start to ponder them. And what does it mean to believe what Jesus believes?! Wow! And then I just read this quote from Kierkegaard:

"And Christ's life indeed makes it manifest, terrifyingly manifest, what dreadful untruth it is to admire the truth instead of following it. When there is no danger, when there is a dead calm,when everything is favorable to our Christianity, then it is all too easy to confuse an admirer with a follower.

And this can happen very quietly. The admirer can be under the delusion that the position he takes is the true one, when all he is doing is playing it safe. Give heed, therefore, to the call of discipleship!

If you have any knowledge of human nature, who can doubt that Judas was an admirer of Christ?

Youch! I don't want to forfeit grace and fall under condemnation (because that is from the enemy), but there's no doubt that it's easy to become apathetic and stop asking the hard questions that wake us from a dangerous slumber. I know that I need to be awakened right now. I am feeling the suffocating consequences of becoming a bit too self-centered instead of cross-centered lately. I have satisfied myself (although it is quite UNsatisfying) on a diet of media, unhealthy (literal) food, and whatever other distractions I think will bring temporary relief instead of feeding my soul on the WORD OF GOD and on BEING with Him. I can say all the right things and know quite a bit, but am I REALLY following Him right now as a disciple and not just a "fan club" member?

The fact that God called me to a no-drugs delivery with Piper has come up over and over again over the past few months. I have a close friend who is always talking about doing life with "no drugs" - not trying to escape the pain/hard stuff, but just walking through it. At World Mandate this year, Jimmy Siebert even used a powerful analogy of the epidural (and was quick to point out that he's not trying to make a statement about whether it's okay or not to use on in actual childbirth - I'm not either). Anyway, his point was that when you have no epidural you can feel where to push. When you have an epidural, you can't really feel anything and someone has to tell you when and how to push - as a result, many women end up pushing from their neck up because they can't feel anything else. He made the very powerful point that in America we are experts at trying to avoid the pain and we therefore push with our HEADS! Everything is about what we can reason out or THINK through and we stop feeling the pain/going to the pain because we have anesthesized ourselves to death! Sobering and true. Missing some joy right now. Know enough of life to know that JOY is going to come when I stop trying to be in control and let Him take me wherever He wants to this year. I'll put one of my journal entries concerning that later, but I need to go enjoy the beautiful spring weather with my kids at the park right now! Woo-hoo! Feeling more encouraged than I have in a while! He is always faithful to break through the hard places in our hearts!

Safe Saint's Prayer

"Thank you God for food and drink,

My shoes, my socks, the kitchen sink.

Thank you for my home and friends,

And all the blessings Jesus sends;

Anda thank you also for the cross

I hear you suffered quite a loss."

"The cross?" I hear my neighbor query,

"What is this which, like a cherry,

You reach in prayer with bended knee

To pluck from off the blessing tree?"

"It is the place where Christ was killed

That I will blessing might be filled.

He suffered there upon the tree

That all my blessings might be free."

"I see," said neighbor, "thinking deep.

He bought for you a life of sleep.

Forgive me, Saint, for I thought he

Did offer His same life to thee."

"I would not steal his glory, friend,

For on the cross his work did end.

The Word says Jesus paid my price.

To pay myself would not be nice."

"I quite agree my neighbor spoke.

You can pay nothing. You are broke.

But it is not dishonoring

To walk the footsteps of your king;

To worship him in word and deed

And not just in your lifeless creed."

May God bless us all to embrace the cross of Christ this Easter. Randy

my cute baby girl

already helping mom with laundry! :)

the girls' new beds!

So my hubby and I are trying to figure out how to fit another dresser in the girls' small room because we don't have a place for their clothes and suddenly RB is making plans for built-in bunk beds and scheming with our "builder" friend, Richard, about how to make it happen! They really are awesome! Wish I could sleep in there!

WARNING: this post won't be so encouraging

I think it's a bit ironic that I stood in front of a group of about 40 women 4-5 weeks ago sharing about how I had been delivered from depression and I've been under a funk without seeming to be able to get out from under it ever since. I can logically tell you that it's because I'm tired - really tired. Unfortunately, the kind of tired that I can't see the end of. Even now, I've been trying to put children to bed for the past 2 hours. Malachi just can't seem to get comfortable tonight. Sigh. He's now sitting beside me. I don't think there is a time in my life right now when I go longer than 2 hours without SOMEONE touching me...or asking me a question...or wanting FOOD (solid or breast)...or needing to be tucked in...or needing me to hold them...or needing help with any number of things...or...oh, I give up complaining. This little guy beside me is just too cute. I feel guilty - a lot of guilt, actually - for complaining at all. What do I have going on in life that's so bad? Nothing. Sometimes, though, God uses the everyday, mundane demands to stretch and grow me. Maybe these are harder in some ways than the crisis because we can see that we don't have the "right" to complain. There just doesn't seem to be justification for my whining. (is there ever? :)) But I have to say that I feel really S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D right now. Granted, I've slept hardly at all in the past 4 days, and not very well for the several weeks before that. Sleep deprivation makes a woman nuts. I'm real close to the edge (I don't really know what edge - just know I'm there). Prospects for sleep tonight looking dim. Malachi has ulcers in his mouth and he's just crying. Keeps waking him up. Not much I can do. Now both babies crying. You can see why I've blogged very little lately. Gotta go. The truth is that God does see mamas and He doesn't let go.

the swing

Today we returned home from a weekend trip to Midland to see our families. For those of you who don't know, we both grew up there and were high school "sweethearts" (for most of high school, that is. RB dumped me during my junior year/his senior year, but that's another long story). Anyway, we were staying at his parents house in his old bedroom and as I looked out the second story window onto their balcony, I started reminiscing about our time on this swing. If this swing could only play back all the conversations it heard some 18-20 years ago! We would sit here for hours dreaming about the future and what our life together would look like. We prayed many prayers here, held hands, cried, laughed, and just acted plain goofy! And when God brought us back together in college, we returned to this swing where we would sit for hours at night just being in love again. And it was on this swing that Randy kissed me for the first time. In high school we actually never kissed while we were dating, but when we got back together in college this is where my husband surrendered his first kiss ever - to me. Yes, I just got sentimental as I thought about all that God has done since those early years. It makes me laugh and cry to think about how our dreams back then compare to the reality that has been our adventure. Our lives look a little different than I thought they would as a 20 year old...and I'm SO thankful!! Wouldn't trade one single part of the story for another. I love my man, and I love what God started on this swing...I got our budding photographer, McKenna, to take some "artistic" shots of us on our swing!

silence

I should be in bed. Everyone has been asleep for at least 45 minutes and I'm still up. Had a free drink coupon for Starbucks, though, and just ran out to get a Frappucino with Jesus before I start my week. As I drove around for about 15 minutes all by myself, I flipped on the radio and heard this little interview with some author about her practice of silence for the last 17 years. She wasn't a believer, but she had some good insights. Practicing a day of silence once a week for the past several years has made her a better listener. It has made her slow down and notice things around her, increasing her gratitude. She pointed out that we our world is so noisy now - if not with actual noise, then with activity. She attributed most of that to technology. Even if we're not speaking, we're on the internet (yes, guilty as charged! :)). When asked why we do that, she said that it's because we're trying to escape from ourselves. Certainly not always true, but how often do I get on this computer or play with our latest gadget (or see my kids do this) because I am trying to escape something else? I am full of a growing passion right now for reading and the power of words - that's for another post, but her words made me think. How much more difficult is it to hear God and anyone else when we can't seem to slow down and LISTEN? I think I may try this discipline of silence in our family soon because I've definitely noticed that we are not quite yet as skilled as we could be in the Jesus art of listening to people. :) Blah, blah. Just some random thoughts I wanted to record before I forget. I'll blog about one of the many things on my heart, hopefully sometime this week. Reading aloud, literacy, beauty and the poor, the Bible study that God has started on our street, kids and character training, Holy Spirit and His life lived through us, gratitude for our church Body....