new haiku

Turn tour TV off!
Does your TV speak for God?
Why do you obey?

the other side of the story

I would just like to say that MY side of this little trauma is coming (when I get a spare moment that doesn't involve interruption, nausea, or paralyzing fatigue...)!

A Haiku of Lament

Campfire, hiking, joy,
Raindrops, teardrops, deep lament,
Mom's thoughts dance back home.

OK, I'm sorry but I can't quite fit it into 17 syllables.
It was a disaster. The worst vacation ever. (I'm limiting that to our family's experience, because as I recall there was a Brady Bunch vacation once which could have given ours a close running.) But as for my own personal experience as a husband and father, I have never failed more miserably in leading my family on a trip which was intended to bring joy and relaxation.
By the time we went to bed the first night, Anda wasn't speaking to me. I don't think it was so much anger as it was just a dumbfounded shock that I had actually followed through with my foolhardy plans to take on this endeavor. It felt like midnight when we rolled into bed, though I think it was still before 10 pm. The next morning when I woke up for what felt like the 20th time at 7 something am, I realized that camping was not going to be relaxing for either of us, and trying to make it fun was a lot like selling tickets to a root canal.
The morning went fairly well. Anda got a shower. We made breakfast and I cleaned up breakfast.
Malachi had already fallen and busted his nose open the day before while we were setting up our tents. He fell again during breakfast, but didn't bleed as much this time. We decided we should take a hike. It was a really good hour.
We "rested" a bit after lunch. Isaac was on his second or 3rd pair of pants for the day. Somehow, despite his reassurances that he wasn't getting in the water, his shoes and pants got wet up to his knees every time he got close to the water.
It wasn't cold, but it certainly wasn't warm.
Then the rain came. Our family of 8 sat in a tent for about 45 minutes. I tried reading a book to everyone while the younger 3 apparently were auditioning for the olympic gymnastics team. Anda must have had some strings sewed to the corners of her mouth that were being pulled by some unseen force, causing her lips to become a thin straight line for the entirety of our time in the tent.
Now, I ask you, dear reader, what would you have done? There was a chance the rain could move on, and we could have 2 more days of clear weather. We could have stayed to enjoy 2 more days of camping, and my marriage fiasco recovery time would have been lengthened by at least 3-4 days. Or there was a possibility of the rain continuing for the entire length of the trip, in which case that recovery time would have stretched to 3-4 months or even years. I saw a chance of escape, and perhaps chickenheartedly, I took it. So after about 3 hours of packing, with at least half of that time trying to secure a tarp to a trailer to avoid getting all our camping gear wet, we departed from our adventure. I suspect our next camping trip is many, many years away. With much regret, I acknowledge that a stronger man would have stuck it out, and perhaps might have found that his family had grown closer together and his wife had developed a love for camping. I however, was not that man.

I cannot even write about yet - I think some inner healing may be necessary before I can.  But let me just tell you that we were supposed to leave for our trip on Wednesday around 8:30 a.m. and return today around 7 p.m.  We finally got out of town around 11 a.m. on Wednesday and returned on Thursday p.m. at midnight.  It started raining and we chickened out on staying to see whether or not it would continue.  (In case you're wondering, it was about a 6 hour drive with a baby who doesn't have a big love of traveling.)  Lots of crying and actual lamenting on the part of our sweet children.  We all had to grieve, mourn, and recover yesterday.  I think we're starting to crawl out of our sad hole today....  I'll post the few pics we got later.  :(

farewell everyone...

Okay, just kidding...I hope.  Tomorrow a.m. I am undoubtedly setting myself up to win the wife of the year award.  Don't you admire my humility?  I have agreed (albeit reluctantly) to accompany my husband and 6 children (not to mention the one in my womb) on a four day CAMPING TRIP!!  I'm trying to figure out a way to get out of it, but I'm afraid it's too late.  Do you understand how DIFFICULT it is getting all these people ready for a camping trip??!!  I mean, we might as well be moving.  Not only do you have to take enough clothing to cover all kinds of weather (hot, cold, rain all expected), but you actually have to take your physical dwelling with you, "beds" for everyone, ALL your food AND your cooking utensils, every fun "boy" gadget  that we own (fishing gear, knives, etc.), every blanket we own (because it's going to be 40 degrees at night and did I mention we're sleeping ON THE GROUND?), and baby gear (yes, we're going camping with a very curious and busy 13-month-old who will be putting everything in sight in his mouth and who still needs LARGE items such as a little high chair, stroller, hiking baby carrier, and a pack n' play).  My husband is like a little boy on Christmas Eve - he LOVES this - although I'm certain that only God knows why....I can't wait to return and recount all our lovely adventures along with pics!  PRAY for us!!  If this doesn't kill us, it certainly will make us stronger!!

great link

My sister-in-law told me about this blog and the latest entry is SO good - made me laugh! http://www.raisingfive.com/

And I also must add one little detail that my husband failed to blog about last p.m. There were some floor/toilet repairs going on in the boys' bathroom yesterday and so the toilet brush was out in the middle of the floor (instead of behind the toilet where it usually resides). Randy and the boys looked up and Isaac was sticking his tongue out and beginning to LICK the toilet brush (i almost can't even write this without gagging). Josiah was running through the house in a towel screaming as my husband comes out holding the brush, laughing. Sigh. Three-year-old boys. Only God can understand that mind!

Parenting

OK, I have to confess, I have no clue what I'm doing.  Isaac has lately begun to wail uncontrollably for no clear reason.  This happens 20-30 times per day.  Anda asks me why he is crying.  I have no good answers.  Generally it's something like, "I told him not to sit on Malachi's head" or "I wouldn't let him eat another cookie."  It's not really like a fit.  It's more like a lament.

My guess is that it's just another of the many experiments of childhood, like the screaming fits phase, or the "let's see how many spankings I can get in one day" phase, or the "I'd rather die than let my parents make me go to bed" phase.

I'm hoping this one ends soon, but I suspect it won't be long before another phase takes its place.  I guess with 1 or 2 kids one might have a time when none of their children were in a difficult phase.  I don't recall having had such a time recently.

Actually, that brings me back to my first sentence.  I wonder, how badly am I messing my children up?  I have no doubts that some of my mistakes will leave irreparable scars.  I just wonder how deep those scars will be.  Most of the time I feel pretty optimistic.  I have great kids and for the most part they like me.  We usually have fun together.

But then at times I think about what God wants for my kids.  I think about His dreams for them.  I am doing a terrible job of being like God.  Every day I make mistakes that skew their perspective on what life really should be like.  In a time of reflection last night I felt again the desperation of parenthood.  

So today I prayed more, and I took all the movies out of my 5 disk DVD changer then loaded it with 5 CDs of the Bible.  It played all day long in our playroom.  I didn't make anybody listen to it, but I wouldn't let them turn it off.  I think I'll do it again tomorrow.  And I think I'll spend some more time praying tonight.

I'd better go help my older son first.  He and his sister are having to clean up the kitchen.  He's lying on the kitchen floor crying.  It's the third time in the last 15 minutes that he's had a serious injury that has incapacitated him.  My sense is that he needs a stronger work ethic.  Anybody know how to give a kid one of those?

New haiku

Ok, it's been awhile, but here's my shot at a haiku:

Seven kids are great.
One for each day in my week;
Anda gets the nights.

or here's another try:

Scenic views we see
While we nine are travelling
In our Good Times van.

I like this pic of my pensive little guy...

Big News!! :)

Now I guess we'll find out who my faithful blog readers are! Actually, my husband is asking to blog so I'm handing this over to him!

OK, so you probably read (or at least skimmed) Anda's 12 page blog from back in September '08 about having more kids. I just have to tell you that every time I look at Malachi I think about what an ignorant person I am. I really thought I knew what would make me happy. I really thought that we'd be better off with no more kids.

But then God came and shook everything up. He made it very clear that we needed Malachi (by giving him to us), and then he made it clear to both of us that we needed to stop trying to plan the size of our family. I cannot tell you how much peace we have had since Anda came to that conclusion. Still almost every time I look at Malachi, I think about how thankful I am that God miraculously gave him to us. (I could tell you all the details of that, but trust me, we were being very careful NOT to have a baby that month.)

I remember the night Anda found out she was having Malachi. She wept, and they were not tears of joy.

Well last night it was different. No tears, no shame, just a glorious glow and peaceful smile. She was looking across the table at me as we drank coffee together and she said, "We need to pray a lot because we have seven kids."

Praise God for his kindness to us. We don't deserve such blessings. Please pray for us that we would be filled with the Spirit of Christ as we raise these seven wonderful blessings. (By the way, she's due on November 15th.)

Randy

Okay, it's Anda again. WOO-HOO!! I wish I could describe how I feel about this baby! It's different than any of my other pregnancies because I'm not pretending that I'm in control. That probably sounds weird, but knowing that this life is totally in the hands of God and that He sovereignly ordained this little life before the creation of the world gives me so much peace. What I just said was completely true for all my other kids, but I didn't really believe that because I thought I was deciding when and IF I needed them.

And I just love His timing. I went to a conference for moms in Dallas a few weeks ago with a friend of mine led by a lady named Sally Clarkson. I wasn't sure what to expect, but wondered if I would leave feeling somewhat defeated as I pondered all the things that I'm not doing or could be doing differently (and the list is endless). I was SO pleasantly surprised. Her overall emphasis was that if you're looking for a method for raising children, you are seeking the wrong thing. She talked about how, esp. in our culture, we either parent by our flesh (we figure it out on our own, etc) or by a method that someone else has established as THE way (I could list you five or six right off the top of my head that we've tried out). They both fail miserably at some point (don't I know it!! and if they don't fail on the surface then God gets no glory because we think WE'VE done something great). She talked about how parenting (or doing anything for that matter) in faith by walking by the Spirit is the ONLY way to be at peace, without fear and without total exhaustion. I've never heard anyone well-known parenting "experts" talk about parenting like this couple and it was just what I needed to hear. I needed to be reminded again that living by the flesh is death. And life is only found in Christ, which means lots of time with Him and in His Word. (And a little side note: I was encouraged by the Lord a few weeks ago to read the whole Bible through quickly. I was going for 90 days and I'm already behind, but I'm still already into Numbers! Anyway, I've been struck again at how children were always considered a blessing. You just don't read any stories about how so-and-so was so sad when she found out she was having a baby).

All this to say that we are so excited and our children were so excited! We took them to Chili's today for lunch (okay, this is big time for the Browns) and when Randy prayed for our food he thanked God for our seven kids. They promptly resumed their coloring, except for Luke who said, "Dad, we don't have seven kids." Randy said, "Yes we do." Okay, they're all STILL clueless. Then distracted McKenna pipes up and says, "No we don't Luke, we have 8!!" LOL! As I'm saying "WHAT?! Are you kidding me?!" Josiah looks confused and says "Mom's not pregnant...Mom, are you pregnant?!" So they're all making excited exclamations about another baby and pregnancy while onlookers in the restaurant watch us, obviously confused. Surely we can't be having MORE children! Ha! McKenna hasn't been able to stop touching my stomach and talking to the baby and they've been talking about names and how they want twin girls all day. Lord have mercy! It has been a big celebration all day! My close friends either squealed or cried with joy. When we told our sweet neighbor, Ms. Murray, she just inhaled and said, "OH! What a blessing! You all are so BLESSED!" We really, really are.

Lord, You are Creator of life! I am utterly AMAZED at how You can take microscopic cells and make everything work just right to make a person - it is UNREAL and could only be done by You! I praise You because You delight in children and because right now You are knitting together another life whose story You have known before the creation of the world! You know that our family needs this child and wouldn't be complete without him/her. You are holy. You are perfection. You have taken us from death when we were doing NOTHING but rebelling against You and redeemed us. My sin is GREAT - I keep getting more amazed at how great. But with more understanding of the depth of my sin comes a bigger view of the bottomless treasure of the riches of Your grace!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are the most wonderful person I know. I love You more than I ever have!! Amen!