my shoes

"When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' Your love, O Lord, supported me." Psalm 94:18 (He didn't say "Buck it up, daughter, and figure out how to get yourself back on solid ground!")

"Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for JOY and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14

I have always struggled with comparison. When I was young, I always thought someone else had better clothes than me or was "cooler" than I was. I was always either not as pretty or prettier than someone else. My accomplishments were either not as noteworthy or more impressive than someone else's. For those of us who spend a great deal of time in comparison mindset, you know that it's a constant game of either coming out on top or realizing that you're falling short. Now, as a Jesus follower, wife and mama, I most often find myself comparing myself in the areas of my walk with the Lord and how I'm doing at loving my hubby and how I'm doing at being a mom. Again, this can go either direction (I've spent seasons being an arrogant mess), but most often I believe that I'm falling short of some high standard that has been created in my mind. It becomes a stronghold - a mighty tower that is constructed around my soul and it doesn't take long to realize that I'm bound up and stuck, longing to escape my own prison of self-doubt, condemnation, and depression. The Lord has done BIG things in my heart over the last 5-6 years in the area of identity, but still I find myself back in that prison periodically. I've been there recently. The chains of comparison have been locked around my wrists, binding my ankles, making it almost impossible to even move. But praise God for community and for friends who will not only listen, but speak truth! About a week ago, a couple of dear friends and I were talking about this because I've been depressed and one of them said that you have to be comfortable in your own shoes and quit comparing yourself to everyone around you - what has God called YOU to do and be, etc.? So, shoes. I've been meditating on this for the past week and this morning I decided to ask God to describe/define my shoes and I wanted to know what they looked like. When I really remember that Jesus is not mad at me and that He is "exceedingly and uncritically fond of me", I sure do enjoy being with Him! I saw me sitting down and Him bending down as He put my shoes on. He looked up at me and grinned, saying "These are your shoes." My shoes are running shoes (and He pointed out that sometimes I change into track spikes - this brings me great joy - I LOVED wearing track spikes back in the day when I could actually run). They are very bright and colorful shoes because they are JOY shoes. They are comfortable and make moving through my days a delight! And here's what He showed me about what I've been doing. When I try to put on someone else's shoes and move through my life in shoes that were never intended for me, they give me blisters, cram my toes, and slow me down. In this condition, I am no longer free to run with Jesus because I'm thinking about myself and my own discomfort all the time. It also prevents me from fully entering into happiness for others and the shoes that they're wearing. Looking around at so-and-so's high heels or boots or slippers or flip-flops and wishing they were mine or trying to cram my feet into them only brings self-absorption and distraction and misery! But in the shoes that Jesus has hand-crafted for me, I am FREE to run (free to love other people with abandon, free to enjoy Jesus, free to lift my eyes up and see that there is more to life than the ground under my feet)! Some days will be a sprint and some days I'll need my distance shoes, but this is what God created me for and He's not wishing that I was wearing someone else's shoes. And when I can fully embrace this truth, I can truly appreciate all the other shoes that don my brother's and sister's feet and how their shoes bring something different to and complement mine in the kingdom of God. He likes my shoes! He likes me. His unfailing love surrounds us - right now. Thankful for my shoes today (and thankful for yours too). :)