rewind

Just a few little thoughts about parenting. I was really young and extremely immature when I got married (not quite 21 yrs old and really self-absorbed). Maybe I thought having children would magically transform me into a competent, others-focused, mature woman overnight. LOL! Didn't happen! Poor McKenna is still the "guinea pig" of much of our ignorance as parents! But if I could rewind the past 14 years and do some things over I would. Such as...

*I would spend a LOT more time praying and being in the Word instead of relying on parenting books that advocate formulas. I mean, really. We laugh about it now, but we let McKenna cry for 45 minutes when she was only a few days old because some parenting philosophy told us that's what we should do to produce a baby that slept all night!! UGH!! I would love to push "rewind" and go back and hold that sweet baby more. AND I WOULD EVEN ROCK HER!! [That parenting philosophy has been shelved for good, by the way. Got rid of all his books. Although I used some basic tips from it, it was much more concerned with prideful formulas and not all that concerned with building relationship and listening to God in how to love on babies.]

*I would study my children more from day one. I have just recently (believe it or not) begun to really focus on the unique personalities, strengths, and weaknesses of my kids. Training/discipline really isn't "one size fits all".

*I would speak life and blessing over them habitually. I cringe to think about what my habits have been (praise Jesus, He's changing bad habits!!). Fault-finding and criticism would be far from me.

*I would hug and kiss them more!

*I would focus on training them by the grace and wisdom of God instead of trying to control their behavior. I confess that esp with a couple of my kids, harshness was my way of dealing with them. I'm paying the price now. Again, God is our Redeemer and He works all things together for our good. I know He's forgiven me. I'm just sayin'...wish I could turn back the clock. :(

*I would let go of perfectionism and stop procrastinating.

*I would "chill out" and just ENJOY every moment with them! I would laugh a lot more!

SOOO! Guess I just felt a burden to say that if you're a young mama who happens to be reading this, go enjoy your babies! They really are precious rewards from heaven. And while I can't go back and change any of the past 14 years...I have today. And the grace of God is more than enough for today.

Valentine's dinner tonight with my family

Fun dip!

Should've gotten a pic of the table BEFORE we sat down...:)

sickness is almost GONE!

BEFORE...

AFTER! Think this poor baby is feeling MUCH better!

my shoes

"When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' Your love, O Lord, supported me." Psalm 94:18 (He didn't say "Buck it up, daughter, and figure out how to get yourself back on solid ground!")

"Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for JOY and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14

I have always struggled with comparison. When I was young, I always thought someone else had better clothes than me or was "cooler" than I was. I was always either not as pretty or prettier than someone else. My accomplishments were either not as noteworthy or more impressive than someone else's. For those of us who spend a great deal of time in comparison mindset, you know that it's a constant game of either coming out on top or realizing that you're falling short. Now, as a Jesus follower, wife and mama, I most often find myself comparing myself in the areas of my walk with the Lord and how I'm doing at loving my hubby and how I'm doing at being a mom. Again, this can go either direction (I've spent seasons being an arrogant mess), but most often I believe that I'm falling short of some high standard that has been created in my mind. It becomes a stronghold - a mighty tower that is constructed around my soul and it doesn't take long to realize that I'm bound up and stuck, longing to escape my own prison of self-doubt, condemnation, and depression. The Lord has done BIG things in my heart over the last 5-6 years in the area of identity, but still I find myself back in that prison periodically. I've been there recently. The chains of comparison have been locked around my wrists, binding my ankles, making it almost impossible to even move. But praise God for community and for friends who will not only listen, but speak truth! About a week ago, a couple of dear friends and I were talking about this because I've been depressed and one of them said that you have to be comfortable in your own shoes and quit comparing yourself to everyone around you - what has God called YOU to do and be, etc.? So, shoes. I've been meditating on this for the past week and this morning I decided to ask God to describe/define my shoes and I wanted to know what they looked like. When I really remember that Jesus is not mad at me and that He is "exceedingly and uncritically fond of me", I sure do enjoy being with Him! I saw me sitting down and Him bending down as He put my shoes on. He looked up at me and grinned, saying "These are your shoes." My shoes are running shoes (and He pointed out that sometimes I change into track spikes - this brings me great joy - I LOVED wearing track spikes back in the day when I could actually run). They are very bright and colorful shoes because they are JOY shoes. They are comfortable and make moving through my days a delight! And here's what He showed me about what I've been doing. When I try to put on someone else's shoes and move through my life in shoes that were never intended for me, they give me blisters, cram my toes, and slow me down. In this condition, I am no longer free to run with Jesus because I'm thinking about myself and my own discomfort all the time. It also prevents me from fully entering into happiness for others and the shoes that they're wearing. Looking around at so-and-so's high heels or boots or slippers or flip-flops and wishing they were mine or trying to cram my feet into them only brings self-absorption and distraction and misery! But in the shoes that Jesus has hand-crafted for me, I am FREE to run (free to love other people with abandon, free to enjoy Jesus, free to lift my eyes up and see that there is more to life than the ground under my feet)! Some days will be a sprint and some days I'll need my distance shoes, but this is what God created me for and He's not wishing that I was wearing someone else's shoes. And when I can fully embrace this truth, I can truly appreciate all the other shoes that don my brother's and sister's feet and how their shoes bring something different to and complement mine in the kingdom of God. He likes my shoes! He likes me. His unfailing love surrounds us - right now. Thankful for my shoes today (and thankful for yours too). :)

ingratitude

Not going to go into a long explanation of why, but for some reason, I'm fighting against the poison of ingratitude right now. It is my default. Critical spirit - of myself, my circumstances, my people in this house. I H.A.T.E. it. I'm reading Ann Voskamp's new book, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. Here's a quote I just read (I'm sure I'll be posting more in the days to come): "Isn't it here? The wonder? Why do I spend so much of my living hours struggling to see it? Do we truly stumble so blind tht we must be affronted with blinding magnificence for our blurry soul-sight to recognize grandeur? The very same surging magnificence that cascades over our every day here. Who has time or eyes to notice? All my eyes can seem to fixate on are the splatters of disappointment across here and me."