Reading Galatians in my time with Jesus right now. Amazed at my ability to return to the law over and over again. I want so much to have a system or a method or a set of rules to live by. But all it does is exhaust me. I was aware of this tendency in all of us, esp. myself when my friend and I went to New York City to encourage some moms in ministry. I'm sure they were expecting something a little different than what we offered. I would have been to! When anyone comes to talk to me about being a mama I want solutions; I want a system for getting my life and my children's to look like what I think it should look like. That's pretty much what every parenting book out there attempts to do (which, by the way, is why i LOVE Sally Clarkson - she stresses over and over again that she cannot give you a formula because every family, every child, every situation, etc. is different and it's about following the Spirit). So when Ami briefly says "I can't tell you whether or not you should homeschool. Ask Jesus." in response to the question "How did you decide to homeschool?" it was probably frustrating. When we said "pray in tongues, ask the Holy Spirit for answers when you don't have a clue what to do", it was probably frustrating. IT'S STILL FRUSTRATING TO ME ON ONE LEVEL! I want so badly for there to just always be an answer so I don't have to seek God! Just being real here people! But in reality, I find much freedom in seeking Him for everything. There is HUGE freedom in dependency. It is how He made it to work. So why do I keep wanting to return to prison?? "Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law." Galatians 3:23-25. So I am not saying that there aren't "laws" to follow and general principles that remain unchanging in any situation - the Word of God remains the Word of God - but I am saying that it comes down to slowing down, hearing His voice, and obeying. Although I could have told you that was true, I'm in a new season of it actually becoming more of a reality instead of just a mental assent to the truth. The question "What would Jesus do?" is really not the right question. I'm asking now, "What is He doing and how is He wanting me to obey and join with Him right now?"
Just started this book yesterday called Jesus Manifesto. Here's a great quote: "The question is only this: 'Do you love Me?' What does Jesus want from us? Leadership? Or love? Unfortunately, we cannot properly love Him if we haven't caught sight of how incredibly glorious His is. But once we do - once we catch a sighting of Jesus Christ in all His glory - we will gladly exchange our dusty rites, Christian-speak, and pop-culture church-building tactics for the joy of becoming a walking breathing 'Jesus Manifesto'."
I am really only longing for one thing right now - a revelation of His love. He has shown me lately that this is what is lacking. I was in I Corinthians 13 again recently and as I read the beginning it was startling. I'm at least doing some loving things for the poor (but trust me, I'm lacking compassion), I've been praying in tongues more than I ever have, I've even been hearing words for people in prayer maybe more than ever. SO WHAT?!! I saw again how those things are encouraging sometimes, but they aren't filling me with joy - I've known it, but the Word just reminded me of why. Because His heartbeat is LOVE. Right now I'm asking daily for a revelation again of His love because I absolutely cannot give what I have not received. If you're into intercession PRAY that RB and I will see JESUS and all that He is. I do not want to walk into Opportunity Camp this next week without seeing Him. He is all that matters. And loving people is what He is about - all the time. And there is freedom in knowing that apart from Him I can do absolutely NOTHING!!
Anyway, time to go feed sweet PJ, who I must say is the embodiment of joy! We have spoken it over her since before her birth. We know that it is who God made her to be in our family, but I am still amazed and so thankful almost daily! :) And now I think you need a picture of her (and her precious brother who's keeping us all on our toes!)
These two are quite the pair on bike rides with Dad!
All of that rambling to say that my goal this week is only this: Receive His love, rest in His grace. Love Him.
