What if I believed?

So I've read One Thousand Gifts once and I continue to flip through it, rereading my highlights that are heavy throughout the book. This a.m I was listening to T.D. Jakes talk about how you will "go where you're thinking. So if you think you're going down, that's exactly where you'll go." So I turned to the last chapter of Ann's book, entitled "The Joy of Intimacy". When one of my friends got to this chapter, she texted me and said that it was beautiful and scandalous. It is. I still keep trying to go there and wrap my mind around the truth of God as lover. She begins the chapter with this sentence: "I fly to Paris and discover how to make love to God." (p 201). John 15:4 - "Remain in Me and I will remain in you." John 14:20 - "I am in my Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you." Ann V's comment follows "He's calling me to graft on, become one with the True Vine, the vine the biblical symbol of joy, festivity...fullness. He's calling me to come and celebrate being made one, and in Him, by Him, to bear the fruit of the full life round." (p 212) Yes. I want to be pregnant with all the fullness that is promised in the Word!

So as I pondered T.D. Jakes comments about our thinking this a.m., I remembered a quote that will forever be burned in my brain from Ann V on p 205: "the only thing to rip out the tape echoing of self-rejection is the song of His serenade. One thousand gifts tuned me to the beat. It really is like C.S. Lewis argued: that the most fundamental thing is not how we think of God but rather what God thinks of us: 'How God thinks of us is not only more important, but infinitely more important.'" At first, this sounds a bit theologically unsound, right? I mean, the world doesn't revolve around us, and our thoughts should be consumed with thoughts of Him (yes, true, on one level). But if I see God as omnipotent, powerful, creator, King, Father, loving, compassionate, but have an inaccurate view of how He sees me, I will never enter into the abundant life He has promised. Never. Not knowing and believing that I am who He says I am is crippling. For life. So this a.m. I began meditating on how He feels about me in my journal...

What if I really believed that...

-God passionately loves me right now?

-I really am a passionate, powerful, worshipper warrior princess in the kingdom of my Father, the King?

-I am beautiful, clothed with Christ, crowned with love and conmpassion, wearing beautiful bridal clothes, garments of praise and NOT heaviness?

-I never get what deserve (hell)?

-God's intentions toward me and all His plans for today are good?

-I really am a confident and capable woman because of the cross?

-God really can conquer any mountain that appears insurmountable?

-He is doting on me with all His affection, attention, and encouragement?

-the King is enthralled by my beauty (Ps 45:11)?

-the King of the entire universe, most creative of all creators, most encouraging, passionate, powerful, holy, perfect, compassionate, gracious, merciful, forgiving being EVER to exist feels all of those things and acts on all of those things toward me??!

I'd probably smile. All over. :)

precious

Beautiful is holding a precious friend's hand as she delivers a little mighty man of God into this world. Thank you, God, for moments that stop time. Praise Your name for Your perfect timing in bringing Asa Burr into the world! Children are such a reward from heaven. :)

Psalm 86

Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for am I devoted to You. You are my God; save Your servant who trusts in You. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to You all day long. Bring joy to Your servant; for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to You. Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to You, for You will answer me. Among the gods there is none like You, O Lord; no deeds can compare with Yours. All the nations You have made will come and worship before You, O Lord; they will bring glory to Your name. For You are great and do marvelous deeds; You alone are God. Teach me Your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name. I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify Your name forever. For great is Your love toward me; You have delivered me from the depths of the grave. The arrogant are attacking me, O God; a band of ruthless men seeks my life--men without regard for You. But You, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant Your strength to Your servant and save the son of Your maidservant. Give me a sign of Your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for You, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

bye bye medicine

Well, after my mood got SOOO bad that I was ready to admit myself to a mental hospital (I'm sort of joking), I figured out that the meds were actually making everything worse (this can be a side effect). Been off for 4 days now. Went cold turkey - doctor hubby told me this was fine after only 2 weeks - and feeling so much better! Fog has cleared some and I am aware that there is a God again! :)

Here are some random pics from past few months (I'll post more later)...

This baby loves her "tutu" swimsuit!

I mean, seriously, I could eat her up!

"Bad" bye :( (but rejoicing too)

One of my dearest friends (Charlotte C) on the planet left for Uganda in May. They left everything to follow Jesus to the other side of the world. We miss them LOTS, but we know they are right in the middle of God's dreams for the people in Uganda!

Lily and McKenna

Jeff and his parents (hardest thing was watching Charlotte's mom and these sweet parents saying goodbye to their kids and grandkids)

Lakehouse trip back in April

Our teenagers - leading some beautiful worship! (Jonathan brought Matthew Miller along so he wouldn't be the only "older" one - he was loved on by LOTS of little ones! ha!)

These girls have written some amazing songs together! Seriously.

our seven-yr-old sweeties :)

Oldies played basketball with Matthew and Jonathan - they survived (barely)

Josiah shot this rattlesnake with his bow and arrow!

more pics...

Tiffany and Ami (not sure why Lexi is not in any of these pics!)

Just SOME of our children. Four couples; 19 kids. LOL!

the golf cart is always a bit crowded...