Days of Grace: January 2011

Just a little revelation I've been meditating on for the past few days...

Due to the media void that we experienced over the last week, I found myself thinking and dreaming about all that I want myself, my marriage, my children, my home life, etc to be. Found that it all was falling terribly short. LOL! I also found that I was blatantly insufficient to meet my children's needs, made really obvious when I had 3 or 4 asking me for help, etc. all at the same time. I was so discouraged and hopeless last Monday p.m. I cried my eyes out as I went to bed with a bewildered husband lying next to me not knowing what to say. Then Jesus spoke the next morning. "The joy of the Lord will be your strength" (Nehemiah).... Getting it all right will never be my strength (and if it was, I'd be super prideful), my circumstances cannot be my strength. The JOY of the LORD is my strength. Available 24/7. He is overflowing with inexpressible JOY!

Last week we made an important and life-changing decision - we fired our primary babysitter. She had been quite reliable over the years. She never made rash or unpredictable decisions. She cared little about what anyone thought about her; in fact, she was quite indifferent. And while she showed no particular interest in the well-being of my children, they were always quite mesmerized with her and her skills for entertaining at any time, day or night. I had heard others say over the years that she had highly honed skills of getting the kids "out of my hair", but I began to realize that no where in the Word of God does He address tactics parents should employ to "get their children out of their hair." In fact, quite the contrary: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Wirte them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." (Deut 6:5-9) Okay, so she wasn't doing anything to teach them about the Lord. And here's why we fired her - I had begun to overuse her. She appeared to never grow tired, but somehow my children were. I noticed that after having been with her, they were more prone to bickering, throwing fits, complaining, being disrespectful. Their love for each other seemed to wane. Their tendency to argue with me and with each other seemed to increase. Their child-like creativity was fading and being replaced by a dumb stare. When she wasn't babysitting them, they couldn't seem to find anything to do - they had forgotten how to PLAY!

So last week we decided that the cost of keeping her around was just too great - we fired her.

THE BIG BOX ON THE WALL THAT HAS SERVED AS A RELIABLE BABYSITTER FOR ME FOR YEARS HAS BEEN FIRED!

As of a week and a half ago, my children have watched no t.v. and played no more video games and we are rediscovering what it means to be child-like and what it means to be family. We haven't even had cable in 14 years, but it's amazing to me how much that box has had control. I had been using it to "watch" my kids as my kids watched it way too often lately - just PBS Kids and dvds you might say, but it was too much. Add video systems to that and you have media overload. And what was our default family night? Watching a movie together. I must say here that there is nothing inherently wrong with family movie night or in playing video games, but I have also been forced lately to answer the question: what fruit do they produce? A few times (although rarely) I suppose it produced something good...a little family bonding or togetherness? But not communication. Not relationship. Not engaging with our own hearts or the hearts of others. And very often they produced discontentment.

BUT GOD, in His great mercy, didn't let us stay there. He rescued us! And although I would say that the past week and a half has been difficult and has actually left me in tears a few times at the end of the day, it has been 100% worth it. Last Saturday p.m. we turned up the music, danced with each other, and had a "fashion show." One night this week, my children decided to read Sandra Boynton board books aloud while some of the others "acted" them out. It was hilarious. Last night we had family night and played with Polly Pockets and Toy Story people on the floor and then the boys created some interesting game with their toy cars (it involved throwing and hitting them). The rest of us read books or created beautiful artwork. We have talked more, touched each other more, prayed more, had more conversations, just been together more. Don't get me wrong - it hasn't felt particularly glorious at the time! But when I look back at the fruit, it tastes sweet and I do not regret our decision. Engaging in relationship is much more difficult, but it is the essence of abiding in Christ. I was reading John 15 this a.m. in my time with Jesus. Jesus repeatedly says things about if you love Him, you will obey His commands. I think I've always read this and thought "Wow, that's a long list." No, it's actually not. Verse 12: "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." Verse 17: "This is My command: Love each other." Not long. Not complicated. Love Jesus, love each other. They are inseperable. And I think I can confidently say that they have been a bit more difficult for our family as we have let the BIG BOX BABYSITTER take a higher place than Jesus and people. Ugh...isn't a more accurate term for that...idol?

I know some reading this are going to think I'm making judgments on everyone who has a television. No I'm not! But I am asking some hard questions right now that have been rolling around in my brain for quite some time about technology in general. There is an image that will forever be burned in my brain from the holidays. The Mighty Men came over on Christmas Eve for dinner and some of them arrived at my house before I did. When I came in there were 5-6 teenage boys sitting around in my living room...staring at the faces...OF THEIR PHONES!!!!! Not talking, not communicating at all (except for an occasional grunt), not acting ALIVE! It made me so sad. Really sad. Is this really what Jesus would have been doing with these boys? All I'm saying is that we live in a culture in which there are always battles to fight and I'm wondering if maybe we should declare war on how media is creeping in and stealing authentic relationship (yes, it could be argued that technology has made communication easier on many levels - I would agree, but could it be said that it has increased depth of relationship and community)?

I don't know all the answers. All I know is that I like the results of this experiment so far - MORE JOY - and I'm not going to be "re-hiring" our babysitter any time soon! :)