WARNING: this post won't be so encouraging

I think it's a bit ironic that I stood in front of a group of about 40 women 4-5 weeks ago sharing about how I had been delivered from depression and I've been under a funk without seeming to be able to get out from under it ever since. I can logically tell you that it's because I'm tired - really tired. Unfortunately, the kind of tired that I can't see the end of. Even now, I've been trying to put children to bed for the past 2 hours. Malachi just can't seem to get comfortable tonight. Sigh. He's now sitting beside me. I don't think there is a time in my life right now when I go longer than 2 hours without SOMEONE touching me...or asking me a question...or wanting FOOD (solid or breast)...or needing to be tucked in...or needing me to hold them...or needing help with any number of things...or...oh, I give up complaining. This little guy beside me is just too cute. I feel guilty - a lot of guilt, actually - for complaining at all. What do I have going on in life that's so bad? Nothing. Sometimes, though, God uses the everyday, mundane demands to stretch and grow me. Maybe these are harder in some ways than the crisis because we can see that we don't have the "right" to complain. There just doesn't seem to be justification for my whining. (is there ever? :)) But I have to say that I feel really S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D right now. Granted, I've slept hardly at all in the past 4 days, and not very well for the several weeks before that. Sleep deprivation makes a woman nuts. I'm real close to the edge (I don't really know what edge - just know I'm there). Prospects for sleep tonight looking dim. Malachi has ulcers in his mouth and he's just crying. Keeps waking him up. Not much I can do. Now both babies crying. You can see why I've blogged very little lately. Gotta go. The truth is that God does see mamas and He doesn't let go.